You're my sweet charade

I've lost sense of time and all seasons
I feel I've been beaten down
BY THE WORDS OF MEN WHO HAVE NO GROUNDS
I can't sleep beneath the trees of wisdom
When your ax has cut the roots that feed them
Forked tongues in bitter mouths
Can drive a man to BLEED FROM INSIDE OUT
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
I've seen the wicked fruit of your vine
Destroy the man who lacks a strong mind
HUMAN PRIDE SINGS A VENGEFUL SONG
INSPIRED BY THE TIMES YOU'VE BEEN WALKED ON
My stage is shared by many millions
Who lift their hands up high because they feel this
We are one We are strong
THE MORE YOU HOLD US DOWN THE MORE WE PRESS ON
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
I know I can't hold the hate inside my mind
'Cause WHAT COMSUMES YOUR THOUGHTS CONTROLS YOUR LIFE
So I'll just ask a question
A lonely simple question
I'll just ask one question
What if ?
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
What if your words could be judged like a crime?


thats such a powerful song. i love it dearly. by mi amor, creed.


there a hunger, a longing- to escape the life i live while i'm awake.



i feel so numb. like, i'm just walking through the motions of life, taking everything for granted and not doing anything about it. i have no idea why. i get these headaches and i cant even move my eyes without feeling this bolt of pain through my head. i hate it. i want to just, wake up. everything feels like this one big long dream lately, a really boring dream. i feel liek i want to do something drastic. i feel ike i have to.

so my mom is losing her mind, and i feel really bad. on our way to rockport yesterday she strateed flipping out in the car. i think she was trying not o cry. this, my friends, is whhy i dont want to be a mother when i grow up, i dont want to have a family, mainly, because it doesnt work. i mean, everything jsut seems soo stressful. and stress is just so uncomfortable. i can see what happens to people, to parents. its so tramatic. so i'm never going to put myself in a postistion where i'll be unhappy. it's unhealthy. i mean, whatas the point of trying to have this great wonderful family if its never going to work? whats the point of trying to get everything organized and consistent if its all going to backfire anyway? whats the point of trying to care for someone or something that doesn't do the same for you. whats the point of trying to make everyone happy if, in the end, everyone doesn't include you? things shouldnt be about compromising! they shouldnt be about taking the good with the bad! i dont care what anyone says, but its not right to sacrifice part of oyur life. this is your life we're talking about here. you only have one of them so make the best out of it for christs sake. if things arent working out, do something about it. and i dont mean make RULES and REGULATIONS and have penalties! try a whole new approach. what exactly? ii dont know. its so fun if every five seconds you have to look at a sheet of paper and check if this is something you can or can't do. life isn't about rules. in fact, its the opposite. the only ruesl who should need to know are the habitual ones, the natural ones: common sense. everythign gets so complicated when other things are all thrown in there. how about we make it UNcomplicated. we make it peaceful. because i am not going to ever be the type who will refer back to rules fore verything that i do. i refuse to do that. when i grow up, i don't even know if i'll ever get married. too much stress,. i'm telling ya, i've seen people die because their lives were so stressful. i've seen peopel go crazy, do drastic things: we all have. i refuse to put myself in a vulnerable position. i refuse to live through someone else. i refuse to abide by the decisions of another person. i refuse to yearn for something that's within my reach. i refuse to not put up a fight. i refuse to compromise. i refuse to witness other people screw their lives up. it tears my apart to see people unhappy, and even worse when i know it's myu fault. i never want to ever feel iek that, and i never ever want to put someone else in that same position. how do i do it? i'm asking for help. help me, please, i'm lost, i'm confused, i have no idea how to reach this peace i'm describing. i wish i did though.

i just want to start over. with everything. go back to day one and do everything differently. it's not that i have regrets, it's that i want to figure out what must be done for everything to be right. 100% right. an di know, this isn't it. i'm not trying to sound ungrateful, the thing is, i know everything that i have is a gift, i know that everything i have i should appreciate, it's not that i am ungrateful. it's almost that i don't know how to enjoy the things i have. i enjoy one or two of them. i want to figure out how things would hav ebeen different if i had done something else, chose the other door, door B, where woudl i be right now?

i have to think about some things, and clean up my room. oh yeah, thtas another thing, is it fair for someone to have restrictions put upon them if theyre room isnt clean? its my own space for christs sake. if i had a problem with it being dirty or messy or whatever, then i'd do something about it. you dont have to love it, but you dont have to nag me about it. so now i cant do anything if my room isn't clean. i can't even get a ride to school. what the fuck? i'll walk to school if need be, but i am not going to sit back and watch everythign get taken away from me just because theres some clothes or cd's on my floor. it's an organized mess, i swear.

time to pick up my room. time to get a life, and some more medicine cuz this headache is KILLLING me.

<3 yours, rachel

For once in her life, it was on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense,
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Dan was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smoke and Dan took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Dan was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Dan started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.)
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Dan away:
"Please take me home, I don't want to stay."
Dan cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.
As Dan drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Dan was all right,
And if the people in the other car were even alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Dan was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
only wanted to have just one night of fun."
"Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim,
And wish I could return their families to them."
"Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
>This story is sad and unpleasant but true,
>So young people take heed, it could have been you.



enough said.

two-just want to be with you
three-boy it's plain to see that you're the only one for me
four-repeat steps one two three
five-make you fall in love with me
if ever i believe my work is done... then i'll start back at one

^back at one, brian mcknight. i love that song. i first heard it at a wedding. it was seventh grade, and my dad and i went down to tennesee and virginia and he was the best man or something and i was the junior bridesmaid, and it was for my cousin who was getting married to this wicked gorgeous girl. aw they were soo cute. when we were getting ready she was liek "oh boy, do i look alright?" she was such a cutie. but anyway, that was their first dance as husband and wife.

so, yes, thats going to be my wedding song. i lvoe it so much i dont care what my husband thinks, because i'll love it enough for the both of us.


a seperate peace test was today. i think i A-ced that one. and the history one which was the study guied haha. it was exactly the same thing! talk about easy...

so i've decided to take psycology next year. have to talk to the office to change my schedual cuz we already signed up for electives for next year but, oh well.

I AM SO GLAD WE HAVE A THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!! this is great. we had a really really really moving ceremony today during directed and first class for memorial day, and i almost started crying listening to the speech class and watching the powerpoint. i would go into further detail but i dont feel like it.

so i might teach mel how to play guitar once she gets one- WOO HOO!! [smile] i dono chords thuogh... thats a work in progress. hezzy caught me today loooking up guitar tba snad chords during bio. hahah. oh welllll. i talked my way out of it. she is so persuesive and so funny, i love it! theres kind of a down side to it tough, cuz she gets waaaaayy off topic during class. ohw ell. so speaking of bio, we' were working on our ecology projects today and ali, of course, said we still needed to classify ten orgasms right in front of hezzy. haha. it was sooo funnyyy. i hope hezzy didnt notice considering she was just talking about how billy is so immature cuz he loves peacocks cuz of teh second half of the word. haha, anyway..

so i better hang out with kris this weekend or else i will go INSANE. i cant do this. i am never ever going to go more than 2 weeks, much less SEVEN, without seeing him. i dont think i can take it. i miss him tooo much. [sad face] and talking on the fone doesn't cut it. (even though i totally love it haha)

swo so so sso soo. ya know how i dont like commitment? to anything? well i've decided to look at it different. rather than looking as it as a commitment (whatever IT may be) it is now: stability. i need stability and consistency in my life, and its easyer to handle things in that point of view. i am so proud i was able to change my state of mind like that. [proud smile]

so, too bad everyones turning into pot heads. people used to be so great, i cant understand what the hell is going on anymore. i was in the library with kristina and jenny the other day and i made up a motto, its wicked corny but it gets my point across. "don't get high to get a 'hi'" and i put "HIGH (does not equal sign) HI". the does not equal sign is really =, but with a cross through it. and its talking about peer pressure, and how you shouldnt do stuff to be in with the crowd. and thats the only reason why people start that stuff anyway, cuz its secoind nature to want to be noticed or liked. i have yet to meet someone who genually does not want to be seen, does not want to stnad out EVER, who dresses to make them selves look bad or ugly if someone else is not involved. i coudl be completely off, tell me if i am. we all want the attention, and at some point are most likley going to have to answer that defineing question, "want one?" or "want some?" i say defineing because you can tell so much from a person about how they answer that. it defines your character, how emotionally storng you are, how curious you are. it really does mean a lot people. think about it. please. wow i cant wait to take psycology.

so i'm listening to 104.1 wbcn, and this great song just came on. the guys voice isnt that great, but i looove the music. its so powerful. so energetic. heres the lyrics:

Standing in the rain with his head hung low
Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold-out show
Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the scene
Put his ear to the wall, then like a distant scream
He heard one guitar, just blew him away
He saw stars in his eyes, and the very next day
Bought a beat up six-string, in a second-hand store
Didn't know how to play it, but he knew for sure
That one guitar felt good in his hands, didn't take long to understand
Just one guitar, swung way down low
Was a one way ticket, only one way to go
So he started rocking, ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on rocking, someday gonna make it to the top
And be a juke box hero got stars in his eyes, he's a juke box hero
He took one guitar juke box hero - stars in his eyes
Juke box hero stars in his eyes, he'll come alive tonight
In a town without a name, in a heavy down pour
Thought he'd passed his own shadow by the backstage door
Like a trip through the past, from that day in the rain
That one guitar made his whole life
Now he needs to keep rocking, he just can't stop
Gotta keep on rocking, that boy has got to stay on top
And be a juke box hero got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero got stars in his eyes
Yeah a juke box hero got stars in his eyes
That one guitar, stars in his eyes, he'll come alive, come alive tonight
(FANTASTIC GUITAR SOLO HERE)
Yeah, he's gotta keep rocking, he just can't stop
Gotta keep on rocking, that boy has got to stay on top
And be a juke box hero got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero got stars in his eyes
And just one guitar juke box hero put stars in his eyes
Now he's just a juke box hero
Juke box hero, juke box hero, he's got stars in his eyes
Stars in his eyes

omg that hes an INSANE guitar solo. aahhhhh, now you DEF have to hear it.

well i'm bored out of my mind tonight. if anyone reads this today, its friday, and is bored out of their mind as well, gimmie a call and maybe we can hang or something. that'd be cool. anythings better than this, no offense or anything.

so, simms's marines stories are getting old, i'm siiiick of him talking about his past.and i am so fucking sick of kate mackinnon, i dont care if she reads this or not. it is physically painful for me to even sit next to her during history. i cant stand it. she does everything little thing she can think of to get attention. she'll shout out "THE SUN IS OUT" in the middle of one of simms' lectures and its like "SHUT THE HELL UP OK?" and she rags on joe so much, i feel sooo bad for him. and he comes back with wicked great comebacks and shes like "omg joe that was so stupid it doesnt make any sense" just cuz 1. she didnt get it or 2. she knows that was a good one and cant come up with anything better. GET A LIFE. i'd gladly knowck some sense into her sometime, somes got to, and i KNOW i'm not the only one. so i'mjust sitting there listening and she is SOO distracting, tapping her pencil, sighing really loud to make people look over, stairing at people, including me (thats the creepyest) and today i was paying attention and i feel her touching my earrings. FOR GODS SAKE- WHO DOES THAT? shes like "hum hum hummm" and like, yanking the thing. iwas like "KATE WHAT ARE OYU DOING?" and shes like "just looking at your earrings " adn i wa sliek "they kinda hurt" so lets go and just turns foward and doesnt say anything to me. i wa slike "whoa wat was that for" i didnt say it outloud cuz i dont likeher to know that she gets to me. oh yeh and also, today she was SCREAMING "lets play 7 up! lets play 7 up! i wanna be one of the people to stand up in front" and were like "kate, where the hell did you get that idea? we're in trhe middle of learning about something, why should we just drop everything and play a stupid game like taht" except, maybe like, 5 people were thinking that, only the mature people. and everyone else was like "omg yeahhhh!! we should" leading her on and stuff. thats why she thinks she has friends. no one likes her. shes not pretty, shes not smart, shes not civilized, has no manners, and has no friends, someones got to let this poor kid know. i feel bad, honestly, because shes so immature and cant find any other way than getting attention. and she asked for chocolate at least 10 times today. "whoo hoo i got a question right! cani have some chocolate simmS?" and its like.. everyone got that question right, youre not an exception kate, face it. and she was yelling ath simms the other day and was like "you dont like me at all" and we had this twenty minute debate on her he's not fair TO HER. i was like "kate, you should be happy he doesnt kick you out of the fucking room cuz youre so abnoxios, THIS IS HIM BEING NICE TO YOU, appreciate it" sorry, this is really a touchy topic for me. i ahte her. and thats saying something. in a way i kinda want her to read this. she should know that people talk about her behind her back,. i know, i just made myself look like a horible person. but i had to vent, really really REALLY bad.

well, i want to go watch a movie. brit loaned me national trasure, so i'm gonan put that in and watch it.


KUDOS! and p.s. you do not spell the spanish word for hi o-l-a-h... trust me.

with love, more than you think,
<3 rachel

i can't see the sun
where's the land of friends?
darkness conquers us
when the dawn of night begins
deep beneath my chilling fears
lives the ocean of my tears
i don't understand the world
bodies frozen, love stands still
as the sun was doomed
and i turn to look to you
there are no words i can use
i can't explain the goings of the world
dark and cold
i can't explain misery
i can't explain cruelty
i can't explain success of lying
i turn away
anger pounds, sorrow surrounds
i can't stand this pain
neverending emptiness
everyday we look away
we are all alone

i am sorry
i can't explain
cruelty
misery

darkseed. this song is somethign that i have yet to hear, but i already love it just by seeing the lyrics. i just came across them today. what an honest moment.

honors night was good. i got 2 certificates. it was sooo long. i think the junoirs were the ones who really benifited from it the most though. blah. it was a pain in the neck. thats all i have to say.

so i went over bes today after school. actually first we went to community service and roger told us some more stories. they were soooo funny. i love this old guy, hes so great. and then we went to her house and made a mac n cheese cassarole. (tried to make it actually) and then tina came over too and we ate it. i didnt really like it and that was just cuz of teh cheese. and we had a fancy salad. like,,, the ones with ACTUAL LEAVES in it. not lettuce, but leaves. and i got salad dressing everywhere (including on my face, which i didnt know was there till we got to the place for the honors ceremony) haha.

it was funnn.

well, that ceromony was way to long and way to boring for me. i have th biggest headache ever. goodnight.

love is like oxygen
you get too much and you get too high
not enough and you're gonna die


>SWEET<...no literally. thats the band. and thats also a great song. its so fun.


and now onto a classic. a classy classic. ladies and gentlemen... the beatles

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

aren't those just the most thoughtful lyrics?? its such a creative way to express things!! i love it! thats called across the universe by the way. its so pretty. it kinda reminds me of drugs though. the way its done. how it flows and everything. check. it . out. now.


well i'm almost stressfree. and i'm PUMPED.

the dance recital:
well it went well. there were no costume emergencys, no obvious screw ups, the right music played with the right routine, the lights all worked perfectly fine, everyone danced and no one rolled their ankle or anything health related like that. it's all good. one little girl grace started crying but i comforted her and she was able to go n stage with the biggest smile in the entire world. i was so proud!! i'm glad its over though,. i think that was subconsciously stressing me out, except i didnt know. like, i only realized how freaed out i was until after wards.

it's all smooth sailing from here.

so i'ts been yet another dissapointing weekend. i haven't seen kris in a ridiculus 7 weeks and i'm just about to snap. not literally. haha. i snap all the time, but i mean like.. FOR GOODNESS SAKE. and he said somethign about his parents going away and how he has to styay with his grand parents or something? ... great. [not-really-encouraging-half-smile]

well i left my backpack at school, like the wonderful A student that i am. so i cant do any homework. oh well, i didnt have al that much anyway.


got to go fold my laundry and put it away.

goodnight

You walk into the room- everybody stares
The talking stops- there's a silence there
The room is yours- you own it now
You're in control and everybody knows


alice cooper. you're the life and death of the party.

-this was actually a neat away message that i saw cuz i'm a loser and thats what i like to do in my spare time:

"one night we could have tea for two
or watch scream three, talk till four, f-i-v-e
shop at six, we couldve ate at seven,
nine plus one is ten plus one is eleven
twelve times i coulda called to tell you the thirteenth was bad luck so dont fall on the fourteen steps leading to your door
thank you miss can i have some more"

i haven't a clue where it's from, but isn't it creative?




so, i'm into stuff like creed. (hah athought i was gonna say weed didn't ya) and i loove their human clay album. oh gosh it's postativley the BEST.

heres a really really awesome song, its sad, but it's soo meaningful.

She came calling
One early morning
She showed her crown of thorns

She whispered softly
To tell a story
About how she had been wronged

As she lay lifeless
He stole her innocence
And this is how she carried on

Well I guess she closed her eyes
And just imagined everything's alright
But she could not hide her tears
'Cause they were meant to wash away those years
They were sent to wash away those years

My anger's violent
But still I'm silent
When tragedy strikes at home

I know this decadence
Is shared by millions
Remember you're not alone
Remember you're not alone

If you just close youre eyes
And just imagine everythings alright
Do not hide your tears
They were sent to wash away those years
Well if oyu just close your eyes
And just amagine everythings alright
Do not hide your tears
They were sent to wash away those years
They were sent to wash away those years
...Maybe we can wash away those years

For we have crossed many oceans
And we labor in between
In life there are many quotients
And I hope I find the mean

If you just close your eyes
And just imagine everythings alright
But do not hide your tears
They were sent to wash away those years
Well if you just close your eyes
And just imagine everythings alright
Don't ever hide your tears
They were sent to wash away those years
Maybe we can wash away those years
I hope that you can wash away those years.

rape? maybe? i think thats what it might be. i mean.. look at the lyrics, its a story about how some girl was raped. poor thang.

speaking of that sort of thing.. sort of, we're having sex ed again.. sort of, in bio class. lovely. perfect atmostphere, a very descriptive teacher with a very immature group of people. AWESOME. after a little descrepency over what gonads were thanks to joannas lack of understanding i thought the worst was over. we were learning about genes and doing this activity where you take two eye color genes and put them together and find out what the babys eye color was going to be. we had to do that with 25 characteristics. so, we had partners and teh lights suddenly shut off then came back on and we're all like "whoa what happend?" and mrs.hezzeys like, ok, so now you guys are hooked up. we just fast fowarded through that part, so now the egg and sperm are together. and then jakes like "what!? what the fuck? i missed it! dammit! shit! come on mrs.hezzey thats not fair" and shes like "jake, we're moving on" and hes like "hezzey, i wasn't ready! fuck. i didn't get it up" and obviuosly the entire class started laughing their asses off. it was absolutley hilarious. and his paretner was like "great, i got stuck with the inadequate one" hahahah. wow. it was great. so then while were working on figureing out the characteristics the lights flicker off then on again and then off and then on and then off and then on and we look to see jake standing there by the switch. and hes like "Hezzey look! twins!" and all this. hahaa. oh god, lord help us.
> but anyway my daughter is going to be absolutley gorgeous. her names gonan be sofia. or sophia. i dono which way to spell it yet. but anyway, shes going to have straight blond hair, big blue eyes, some freckles, dimples, a cute average sized nose, long eye lashes, fine eyebrows, big lips (not wicked gross big though haha) she'll be able to roll her tounge (kinda random, but hey, she'll be a good kisser haha- the little slut), and last but not least, she wont have a hitch-hickers thumb. just some random facts thrown in there. cute little sofia. or sophia. whateverhernameis.
biology. what an interesting class.

interestingly enoguh, i dont even know if i wanna have kids. too much responsibility. for some reason i've always wanted to be a single mother, i have no clue why, that was till i realized how real everything is and how much you ahve to worry and its just so responsibility. haah i can picture myself as a single mom, but i know i'm never going to get married. ever. so.. how does that work?

america is so contraversial. omg its insane! i'm going to take a song (which will be in lower case letters) and write a litle bit about each like (which will be in caps)
Only in America we're slaves to be free [WE HAD SLAVES, PLENTY OF THEM. WE ADVERTISE THAT THIS IS A FREE LAND AND SUDDENLY WE'RE CAPTURING EVERY BLACK THAT IMMIGRATES HERE TO FIND FREEDOM. THEY CAME EHRE FOR A REASON YOU KNOW. AND THAT WAS NOT TO LABOR DAY IN AND DAY OUT FOR SOME LAZY GUY FOR NO MONEY.?]
Only in America we kill the unborn to make ends meet [ABORTION, I'M NOT AGAINST IT, BUT THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE, WE'RE WILLING TO GIVE UP AN ENTIRE LIFE, YEARS AND DECADES AND EVERYTHING, BECAUSE WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO CARE TAKE OF HIM OR HER, OR OUR SELVES-WHOS FAULT IS THAT? ADOPTION WOULD BE A BETTER CHOICE.. DONT YOU THINK?]
Only in America sexuality is democracy [PERSONALLY, I DON'T AGREE WITH PROSTITUTION. SURE IF ITS THEIR CHOICE TO LET PEOPLE USE THEM THEN GO AHEAD AND DO IT, BUT I DONT THINK ITS A GREAT IDEA. YOU CANT FIND ANY BETTER WAY TO MAKE MONEY? THATS BEING LAZY. ITS CHEATING. THINK ABOUT IT]
Only in America we stamp our god In God we trust [NOTICE EVERYTHING HAVING TO DO WITH GOVERNMENT HAS TO DO WITH RELIGION. SINCE WHEN IS EVERYONE CHRISTIAN SUDDENLY? EVEN IN THE PLEDGE OF ALLIEGENCE, SOMETHING WE SAY EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL DAY OF OUR LIFE, IT MENTIONS "..UNDER ONE GOD.." WHAT ABOUT THE ATHEISTS? OR POLYTHEISTS?]
(chorus)
What is right or wrong [I CERTAINLY DON'T KNOW WITH THE MEDIA FUCKING EVERYTHING UP]
I don't know who to believe in [HOW ABOUT- YOURSELF?]
My soul sings a different song In America [SURE AS HELL IT'S A COMPLICATED ONE]
Church bells ringing pass the plate around [ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO DONATE TO YOUR CHURCH, BUT IF YOU DON'T ITS NOT A BAD THING. AND WHEN YOU HAND THE PERSON THE BASKET, IT'S LIKE, TEMPTING YOU. "GO A HEAD, PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN ME SEEING AS THOUGH I'M RIGHT HERE" AND WHEN OYU PASS THE BASKET ALONG WITHOUT CONTRIBUITING IT'S PRACTICALLY A SIN, AND THE NEXT PERSON CANN SEE THAT YOU HAVEN'T PUT ANYTHING IN IT.
The choir is singing as their leader falls to the ground [WE CARE MORE ABOUT A MAN WE'VE NEVER MET, AND ARE TOO BUSY PRAISING HIM THAN SOMEONE WHOM IS IMPORTANT AND WHOM OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY DEPENDS ON. SOMEONE WE CAN SEE IN FLESH IN BLOOD. NOT SOMEONE WHO WE READ ABOUT IN A BOOK. COME ON, PEOPLE]

ok so i know some of that was a little harsh but i had to make my point. and i'm being a little stereotypical in some of the passages or whatevers, i know, sorry. i hope you understood at least a line or two. [hopeful smile]

but anyway its been a long day and i've got a truck load of homework to do. maybe i'll put on some pink floyd. nice soothing music. its practically a drug in itself.

and i leave you with these last and final words. for the day.

Hurray for a child that makes it through
If there's any way, because the answer lies in you
Their laid to rest, before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost, because they could never find
What's this life for
I see your soul it's kind of gray
I see your heart, you look away
You see my wrist, I know your pain
I know your purpose on your plane
Don't say a last prayer, because you could never find
What's this life for
But they ain't here anymore
Don't have to settle the score
Cause we all live under the reign of one king
(creed.. yes.. again)

with love and admiration, and the yearning to scream out at the top of my lungs and sing some glorious song to everyone that would cheer them all up and snap everyone out of their unexpected and long term depression,
>>> <3 <3 <3 <3 rachel

Because of you
The sky above remaining clear and blue
It’s nothing new
The radio keeps playing statical your favorite songs
And why does everyone keep on bringing me back to you

And this is the sound of the broken down
And this is the last train home the only underground
And this is the fall don’t catch me if I fall
Just catch me when I fall back to the ground

Lightening crashes all around me now
I hear its sound
Broken wings can carry us to where the people stare
Fall asleep against the window pain
Outside the rain covers everyone
Now we’re never gonna see the sun


MY EYES ARE BURNING. ahhhh,

that was american hi-fi by the way. great band, great music., great lyrics.

went to the ortho today. wanted to throw him and all his little shiny tools out the window.

turns out i'm not in a band after all. i just do a couple songs. oh well, i really dont mind it that much, i like not being tied down or feeling like i have yet another thing to be responsible for.

i know this is going to be an incredibly short entry, however, i started it at about 3:30 and then walked away from my computor. it is now almost 10:30. yeah... way to go, i know.

i tried those luquid breakfast things. i know that title makes it sound really gross. but you see i've been getting these awful stomachachas and have decide to try and have only liquids, and maybe the stomachachas will go away. i have a doctors appointment on thursday to make sure that theyre not from anything seriuos, but anyway my mom bought me these packets full of stuff to make shakes with. so for breakfast i'm having one of those yogurt shake things, and for lunch i'm having a ___________ shake. yestrday i had a french vanillia one {tasted like crap by the way}, today i had a chocolate malt one. i'm not sure what i'll have tomorrow. cappucino? milk chocolate? strawberry? ect? we'll see.

oh yeah and for dinner i'll have soup or something like it.

i cant wait for that sisterhood of the traveling pants movie to come out! i read the first two out of the series, i have yet to read the third, which i hear has just come out. WOO HOO.

anyone have a copy of schindlers list i could borrow for a school project? PLEASE let me know. i need it, desperately.

wel my teeth hurt and i could just rip them off because of these stupid braces and i wouldnt mind the pain because i am sure it'd be less excruciating than wearing these elastics. we had a crisis with demitra today, because the end of her wirse on the bottom right side popped out of the big bracket back there so now she has a giant cut all down the side of her gums about the length of 4 or teeth. we're talking a nine year old shreiking for about a half hour because she was trying to {unsucessfully} fix it herself. lucky my mom and i came to the resuce and got it back in. of course were no pros, but its fine for now. knowing my luck, shes prob gonan wake up in the middle of the night screaming cuz it'll have popped back out. oh well.

ok so, i'm pooped and i'm abuot to pass out cuz the jacuzzi is like.. ten thousand degrees. and i go tout of it.. oh i dono... 7 or 8 minutes ago.

i got to talk to kris on the fone! i totally made my day. i miss him so much. i know i'm sounding like some naggy annoying girlfriend but i really do. if only i could drive... {HUGE sigh}

love all of those who are in dire need of love and love to be loved,
<3 r <3 a <3 c <3 h

you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you change the less you feel
believe believe in me believe
that life can change that you're not stuck in vain
we're not the same we're different tonight
tonight so bright
tonight
and you know you're never sure
but you're sure you could be right
if you held yourself up to the light
and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
the place where you were born
believe, believe in me, believe
in the resolute urgency of now
and if you believe there's not a chance tonight
tonight, so bright tonight
we'll crucify the insincere tonight
we'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
we'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
the indescribable moments of your life tonight
the impossible is possible tonight
believe in me as i believe in you, tonight

{huge smile] i love this song. smashing pumpkins... what else is there to say?? have you seen the red sox video that plays this in the background? you must, it's brilliant.

i went shopping today with tina! her mom picked me up and we went to the mall. i got a sweet bathing suit at deb, its brown and blue and red and white. theres pokadots on some parts of it and gigantic flowers on other parts. ok, so yeah it sounds really ugly but wwhatever, i like it. and then we saw that move monster in law with jennifer lopez and that other lady. the guy in it has wicked cool eyes. haha, that was the first thing i noticed. see, at one point he describs hers and im like 'whoa hes right," so that got me looking at peoples eyes. but anyway i liked it, it was cute and funny. hahaha like, wicked funny.and then i came home.

but oh yeah while we were at the theatre i ate an entire bag of those milkway balls. hah, wow, ok wierd name for a candy butwhatever. popables or something. i dono. but yeah so now i have a stomachacha. i got a head ache to at some point in the evening and this advil is definetally not working. actually, its ibprofin or however you spell that stuff.

so this weekend has been a lot of fun, its been exciting. i havent had an exciting weekend in.. oh i dono.. about 6 weeks or so, ever since vaca. yeah, pretty sucky huh?

be slept over last night. actualyl we went to the play dont count on forever and it was pretty good. for some reason matt was there. actually, he asked me if i was going and then i dragged be along with me hahah. so her me and him sat and watched it and i watched some of the first half with my kick ass j lo sunglasses on, but then i realized it was pretty dark so i took then off. annie ledson is so talented!! i was like "WHOA" cuz i mean, its hard to be completely genuine when youre speaking lines you've had to rehearse and stuff, so, i was pretty proud. it was about this girl whose partents divorce, adn shes having such a hard time with it because shes always been optimistic and in the end comes to terms with everything and stuff. meanwhile she has to deal with school work and stuff. its good, i liked it. the dad in it was wicked sketchy though. i mean, HONESTLY, who calls their daughter "kitten" every five seconds. hes lik e"so kitten, how was your day kitten, did it go well, kitten, i love you kitten, you love me too right kitten? here, have some beer kitten, you're almost 18 kitten, and plus, you're with me, tell me about your day kitten".. yeah its SO SKETCHY. he was trying to get her drunk!!! like, on purpose! i thought at first that he was cheating on his wife, and then i thought that he was trying to seduce her, like some perv or something. hahaha. way off. he was trying to get her drunk cuz he had bad news to tell her: that he was in love with anothe rowman who she hasnt ever met. i still think hes been cheating on his wife though. i felt so bad for the mother!! i was thinking "wow that tooootaly sucks for her" and that was BEFORE i found out there was another woman. letes just say, i was really gettin into. and they played that graduation song by vitamin c, and i totally got goose bumps. you see thats my classes song (class of 2008 at IHS) and it was played at both our graduations, fifth and eighth grade, and hopefully twelfth. it was really emotional. i was sooo like "they cant be doing this to me" cuz i always cry when i hear that song, it just brings back soooo many memorios. much less the LYRIC of it!! its definetalyl one of those songs that is going to stick with me and bring me back to the good ol' times. they played it during the slide show at doyon elementary and i was tear stained and red in the face by the time that was over. i think i actualyl yelled at pete karas for letting his mom put that on there. haha. wow, and they played it while we walked up the aisle and left the auditorium at the middle school graduation. but yeah, i'm probg gonan start crying now just thinking about it [emotional face]



And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels...

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with a tan
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels...

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever



sacrifice: the key. the red hot chilli peppers do this great song called can't stop. its not really based on that concept, but the chorus sure can be percieved as it. its such a pretty song too. listen to it.

The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Come and tell me when it's time to

time to what? you tell me.


10 reasons why you're the someone new for me.
>> <3, [L[o[v[e[ [r]a]c]h]e]y]

<< preatty creative, huh?

in the name of love

>>i love that song!!

ok so today after school bea dn i went to community service but didnt really do anything at all. we took some kick ass pictures though! we used the lady in charge's camera (deb's) and went outside and got pics of the ground and stuff. and then we pretended to be planting things!!! HAHAH! we're supposibly starting a garden club and planting stuff there and "beautifying the grounds" with a bunch of old people. turns out we havent done ANYTHING. so, we've had one meeting with the old people.. woo hoo! but yeah it was wicked funny cuz we'd just like, crouch down next to a buch and dig up the dirt a bit. of course the camera was being completely retarted so it didnt show us the pics, like, when you go to take a pic on a digital camera, you look at the screen thing and can move it around till you get it on the exact spot where you wanna take a pic, well, we couldnt do that. sure, we could look at them afterwards, but not when we're trying to take it haha. but yeah then we went and talked with debbie about random stuff. the clas behind us which is full of whores and druggies, school, teachers not being able to control the classes, and how more and more people are turing up these days to have add or adhd. it was a great conversation. i even tried this new kind of iced tea. its sorta like what crystal light came out with. how you can just bring this little packet along and put it into a bottle of water and, viola, jucie! cept its with sugar free wal-mart bought iced tea. mm yum. actually it wasnt that great, like, at all. but i'm a good faker and plus i wouldve of died of dehydration otherwise, so i was at least a little bit thankful. also i had some truffles.. mmy yumyumyum.

so then after community service we went to the first national bank of ipswich, aka, kerrys moms work. then we stayed down in the lounge area in the basement an that was fun. be read 2 magazines and i like, barley finished one. haha, i loooove to read. i read almost alll the articles in that mag, and i think be read like.. 4 total out of both of hers. then we switched for like, 5 seconds, but we had to go cuz nance said that we were headin home. we declared that we wanted tacos for dinner. woo hoo! and strawberrys that we could dip into chocolate. mm now theres my kind of dinner.

so we went back to mybe's casa and hung around in her room for a bit. she had just gotten it painted (light blue, and by the way it looks faboulas) so it was sorta organized, sorta not. so we started taking stuf fout of this bin and deciding wether she should keep it or not and ended up looking at old cards and pictures and yearbooks. i got to see all the freshmen who went to winthrops fifth grade pictures! it was soooo funny! some peopel look way differnt, and other hardly changed. no names. and then we ended up going through one of those books that has a TON of random things and questions and stuff that you answer. its like, "everything about me" or something. i love to fill those out hahaha. so we were going over some of her answers and filling others in that were blank. i was having a blast! they had ones that are like 'whats your hairstyle now" "what do you want it to be" "what is it like when you first wake up" "what will it be like in 20 years" "what will it look like when you go to the prom" and, the best of all "what does it look like when you've just seen as ghost"... as if your hair moves when you see a ghost. hahah. aqnd we did this wicke funny thing that had you adding up and subtracting all these random numbers, like how many letters are in your best friends name, or what you favorite tv station channel is, or how much you weigh, or how much sleep you would like to get and random stuff liek that. my number ended up being 186, and be's was 150 or something like that. it was soo neat!

then we got calleddown for dinner, some scrumptious tacos!!! i had three. ugh, i feel like a pig now and have a major stomachacha and totaly wish i didnt eat that many. whiel we ate we watched some of the best show IN THE WORLD: "everybody loves raymond" woooot woot! after we finished we brought some strawberrries and chocolate dipping upstairs and talked about random things. we decided that we're going to have this party, only with like, really close people, i have no idea when this is gonna take place, of if it even is gonna, but its a wicked neat idea. we're going to write down our deppest secret, something that we are so ashamed and so embarassed of, and never want anyone to know, on a piece of paper and put it into a hat. we'll each draw a paper out and read whats on it, but we still wont know which paper belongs to which girl. its such a great way to get your feelings out, and really take some of that load off your shoulders cuz now someone knows your secret, but they dont know exactly. i dono, it was a great idea that be and i found on this website, the most uplifting thing of life itself. go to: www.postsecret.blogspot.com and you'll knwo what i mean.

then they gave me a ride home (be and ehr mom) and i got to listen to some great stories about their woman weekend adventures hahaah. it sounds liek so much fun to just... up and leave adn go away for the weekend completely unplanned.


ok well i have to catch some shut eye. night lovers.

with anticipation for the next day, a stomachacha, an incredibly awesome day just past, and english homework to do in directed tommorrow,

<3<3<3 rachy

aimee mann is a great song writer. i know i know, her stuff is old but i loooove the music. sometimes theyre a little raw, choppy but they're good. i found this one song in particular that really sturck me. it's really meaningful if you ask me, not to my life in particular, but it's just in general a huge metaphor. heres some bits and pieces of it and how i percieved it:

The moth don't care when he sees the flame
he might get burned but he's in the game
and once he's in he can't go back, and
beat his wings 'til he burns them black
- this my friends is what we call unconditional love. talk about someone who's desperate, this is their anthem. who knows why hes going back. it could be he really does love her, it could be lust...

the moth don't care if the flame is real
cuz flame and moth got a sweetheart deal
and nothing fuels a good flirtation
like need and anger and desperation
-i really really like the last two lines there, NOTHING FUELS A GOOD FLIRTATION LIKE NEED AND ANGER AND DESPERATION. hey, its true and we all know it. why do we flirt? because we love the attention, and who doesnt need attentmore than when we're feeling those emotions. the first two lines, well, the second one really sort of sounds like friends with benefits, doesnt it? maybe a little? "a sweetheart deal" i guess the word deal is what caught my attention there. not relationship, but deal.

the moth don't care if the flame burns low
cuz moth believes in an afterglow
and flames are never douzed completely
all you really need is a love of heat
-during this entire song i've sort of pictured the moth as the woman and the flame as the man. i'm not sure why but thats just how i interperated it. you see, woman are said to be more sensative and emotional, and sometimes less shallow. they "don't care if the flame burns low" because they "believe in the afterglow" sort of like, they'll stick around and wait out tough times. and i like that last line "all you really need is a love of heat" i'm not sure exactly why, but i just thought it sounded kinda neat. i know, mushy, corny, whatever, but it's cool.

by the way that songs called the moth. by miss aimee mann. hmm, what an interesting way to spell that first name, not amy or even ami, but aimee. shes unique. i respect that.

we had this wicked interesting talk during english class cuz we're haveing these class discussions on the book A Seperate Peace (from here on out referred to as asp). we were talking about how sarcasm is used as a cover up for those who are weak. its strange, i had never heard someone refer to it as such. i always thought it meant they were sharp, fast, skilled. if anything, the opposite of weak. but now that i've thought about it, it's true. saracsm is a form of wit that is intended to hurt someones feelings. it also can be irony. just think, someone can't think of anything better to say, than something that insults the other person. i know i personally love to use sarcasm. and of course those who are weak are ofton making fun of other people, or putting others down so they can feel better about themselves. if you call someone stupid, you automatically make youreslf feel better by having the state of mind that you're not. if there is a stupid person, theres a smart one. if theyre the stupid one, then youre the smart one. obviuosly. so, sarcasm is a way for peopel to cover up the fact that theyre putting another person down. its true. really. think about it.

so i was being my usual self and searching for randomness amoung this wonderful distraction called the internet. i came across the most moving thing i have ever seen about 30 minutes ago. do you have a secret? more than one? many secrects? have you ever told anyone? [do you want to?] do you even tell yourself? we all have secrets. why? because we're ashamed. embarassed. self-concious. i know many secrets. not because i like to butt into other eoples buisness, but to find strength really. please do me a favor and click on this link, trust me. it is so emotional, and strangley addicting. visit www.postsecret.blogspot.com tell me if the link doesnt work, because its something that everyone has to see, at least once, during their life. i know i'll definetally keep visiting that site to see updates. its such an incredible idea: share you secrets but never reveal who you are. and its on a postcard that doesnt have your name on it, it doesnt have anything that reveals who its from, and you get to create it, make it your own. i dont think i'll be sending anything in anytime soon. everyone on that site must be so strong and have so much courage in order to do that. i couldnt do that.

go visit that site right now. i'll leave you to your reading.

love, racheyy

is such a shame shame shame

actually, no, it's not, i just felt like saying that

so its been basically forever since i last updated. oh well.

i realize now that everyone has been having a problem. this has been going on long enough and its time for it to stop. you know you have this probolem if you have the follwing symptoms:
-headache
-stomachacha
-dizzyness
-un-motivation
-lazyness
-random aches and pains
-the early signs of a cold
-anticipation for something- yet you don't have a clue what it could be
-procrastination
-depression
-complaining
-crankyness
-everything feels like it involves way to much effort- 3 times more than you have

this all adds up to something, i dont know what exactly, but its a big something. i know kerry, julie, kati kristina and i have all been having some of these symptoms. i hate it. i''m not getting any of my school work done, and i'm not cleanging my room, i find myself DELIBERATLY swtiching to another activity that i know i'm not suposed to be doing. and i feel like i will never be able to climb out of this rut.

so latley i have been getting these painful sotmachachas. no, not cramps, they're different, really. plus these are like.. near my ribs. sometimes theyre right underneath them, but usually theyre sort of off to the side right underneath where your ribcage ends. yup, that would be the intestines. so if anyone has any idea what it could be, do tell. i've been getting them for the past 2 weeks approx, and i am SO ready for themt o go away. and medicine doesnt help. well, only the kind that knock me out haha so i fall asleep. it better not be something serious. gosh, that would be horrrriblee!

i cant wait till summer. i hate this inbetween time .eww its just so like.. inconsistent.

so todays mothers day and i made my mom a necklace, it has sivler and diamonds in it and has letters that spell out "para madre" which means "for mom" in spanish. hah ai know i know.. hold the applause. i was getting a little creative i know, but my mom and i loooove to talk in spanish to eachother, so, its a symbol of our love. [smile]

i'm not even going to tell you what i did last night, but lets just say: i want to forget it ever happened. we're talkin, april, kati and i along with my mom and katis mom had to spend the night in this place in gloucester in this one room schoolhouse building... with SIX 10 year olds. blahh, WAY not cool.

so i hope next weeks better anyway, i mean like.. that would be convienent. i got a 0% on my bio quiz. actually, we had to write an essay instead of take a quiz, and sinc ei didnt write the essay its equivelent to a ) on a quiz. this is what i mean when i feel all unmotivated and crappy and blahh. only for like.. 2 and a half weeks. actualyl, ever since we got back from april vaca.

haha so, story: kristina and i spent friday afternoon together at the school. well, most of the time anyway, and at one point we ended up in the locker room for QUITE a while. well i ended up sitting in a locker, one of those big ones obviously and kristina was lying down on the bench in front of it and we were talking about how retarted we were and how messed up our lives were. so, that was interesting. i couldnt stop laughign for some reason and i think it waS CUZ I WAS WIIICKED overly tierd and it was one of those "look how pathetic we are" kind of laughs where you know your laughign at your self and the other person is like "uh.. ok, you do that" hahah and then at one point kristina was liek "i cant not do what other people do" an diw as like "that means you can" and we got into this convo about how when people say can't theyre really caying can not. so, i vowed that whenever i wanted to say "ain't" or "cant" i'd say it properly. so then said "are not yuou going to the mall today?" even though i knew the answert was an obviuos no and we both doubled over laughing and almost wet our pants. it was so great. and then we walked to dq in the freezing rain and she bought me a brownie blizzard thing and got one for herself. and then we ended up back at the school cuz thats the only place we could go and not get in trouble for loitering. so her blizzard was practically exploding so we had to go to the bathroom and get toilet paper as a napkin and while she was wiping all the chocolate icecream i got tierd of stan ding up and just sat down right there on the bathroom floor under the hand dryers and then once she was done she sat across from me leaning against that random part between the doors and the sink and we laughed at ourselves and then talked some more. we talked about our families a lot more and what we shuold do about them. i mostly listened which is good cuz i think kristina really needed to vent and hey, thats what i'm here for! so that was really really good and then we were talking about how her dad started talking about her going away to college and how he almost strrted crying and then in the bathroom right there kristina almost started crying and then onc ei was thinking about how everything is totalyl going to change and stuff i started crying like.. face turned red and eyes watering up. so then i realized, here we are, two little freshmen sitting on the floor of the downstairs bathroom at about 4:30 in the afternoon about to bawl our eyes out thinking about the future. it was theni decided the bathroom was not the best place to be. cuz i mean, its eaasyer to cry away from the public with your best friend there, and i did not want to start crying even as much as i wanted to, so i was like "ok, we wont cry if we're out in public, lets go out to the breezeway where theres people there" haha. so then we were sitting on these random desks that were out in the breezeway and i talked about how hard fifth and sixth grade was for me and all about the ADD stuff i was going through, which was great cuz i kinda had to vent too even though i've told that tons of times. but anyway that was out pathetic afternoon. especially when i realized we stayed after till 5 for NOTHING. great huh. actualyl.. it wasnt for nothing, it was some great girl bonding.

but anyway, that was my funfilled pathetic action packed friday afternoon!


well i'm off to eriks down the street.

with anticipation, a stomachacha, and a fucking history project

rachel

it's human nature to compare yourself to another person and find faults in your own self. i know i envy other people, even when i do something about it. sometimes when that dont like theirself, someone will change into another person who they think is better. some may be drastic and change their entire lifestyle. there are so many who end up having eating disorders, or who lie and cheat. when you try to be someone youre not, or do something out of character, people notice, and sometimes they'll try and bring you back to who you were before. change is usually a good thing, except when when you're doing it out of jelousy. people can lose ttrack of who they are or who they origionally wanted to be, there are tons of teenagers especially who try to become popuplar and will do just about anything to acheive that goal. sometimes people will seperate themsevles from good friends or family members, or people close to them and they may lose them forever.


and that my friends, is my quick write for english class. bascom loves to do these things where she gives us a topic and we have to write about it for only 5 mintutes. that day, it was jelousy, and filled up a huge chunk of space on my paper. i was pretty proud of write i wrote haah in only 5 minuters, and just figured i'd post you my thoughts on the subject. so there ya go.


hristos anesti!!!!!!! happy easter greeceyyys!!! midnight service was... interesting. it was sooo neat cuz i had never done anything liek that before but i was tried and cranky and we got home after 1:30 in the Am and ive decided that i dontthink i want to go to that anymore. oh well.

time for my fam to head off to beverly and visit all of the insane greek relatives there and have them chase us around trying to crack the red eggs... YES.

ANG I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!!! i love greek easter.. it's so much fun! not to mention it the only time i see alot of my relatives. i also get to meet my uncles new fiance! ang says shes real cool, so, woo hoo!

ok, love you all, my yiayia is like. screaming at me to come downstairs and eat some salad.. haha, me gusta mi yiayia.. usualmente.




its off to the races!!! update later gatorrr

and with that, this is rachel signing off of Ye Ol Faithful News.