11.29.2004
i used to do a little
but a little wasn't doin
so the little got more and more
i just keep tryin to get a little better
said a little better than before
moms hosting a belly dancing class
oh boy
now both of my parents are offically insane
father: obsessed with alfred hitchcock and howard huges
mother: hostess of a belly dancing class for other mid 30 year olds
what? what is this? i hope its not genetic.
somebody STOP ME. <
ok so im reading this fabbbbulus book that be lent me to read earlier today. its soo very good. its called This Lullaby. *smile* tis very very cool. and theres this guy in it who at the beginning is like.. a major wierdo cuz he goes up to her and says liek "we're soul mates" or something just like.. randomly in this car dealership and they havent even ever met in their LIFE before. haah. its really funny, i was sitting there at the dinenr table tonight, and just started CRACKING UP and i got wierd looks from everyone else. its definetally one of those "laugh out loud and hope no one saw you do it" kind of funyn books. haha.... THANKS BE! i really like it. i wonder if "This Lullaby" is really a song. i dono. i'll have to look it up.
today was the first day of trraaaaackkkk! we changed, stretched, did some leg warm ups, ran down school street then around the hart house and then back to the school by kimbal ave and high street. it was prettyyy tough. like.. majorly tough. and its only the first day. ay i yi ay yi. but the coach seems wiiiicked nice, and i got to work on doing hurtles this yeaaar! a wicked nice girl helped me and kerry and liv and a few other people out when it came to warming up for the hurtles. i wish i knew her name. but anyway, she was nice, so, it was a pleasent experience, not too like.. strict or anything like that. and yeah.. soo.. that went well cept for the point where i almost threw up after running. niiiice.
i have to pace myself.
badly.
i wannnnnnaaa write more poems. but i have stupid homework and i'm way to stressed out to write, and i'm stressed out cuz my homeworks not done. but theres no way josay im gonna do my homework cuz first i have to start it, and when i start it, i have to finish it, but in order to finsih it i have to do it, which i don't want to do. mreh. nice huh? how everything.. connects.
i wanna do some sit ups too. yah, thats what i'll go do.
rocket queen
so the little got more and more
i just keep tryin to get a little better
said a little better than before
moms hosting a belly dancing class
oh boy
now both of my parents are offically insane
father: obsessed with alfred hitchcock and howard huges
mother: hostess of a belly dancing class for other mid 30 year olds
what? what is this? i hope its not genetic.
somebody STOP ME. <
ok so im reading this fabbbbulus book that be lent me to read earlier today. its soo very good. its called This Lullaby. *smile* tis very very cool. and theres this guy in it who at the beginning is like.. a major wierdo cuz he goes up to her and says liek "we're soul mates" or something just like.. randomly in this car dealership and they havent even ever met in their LIFE before. haah. its really funny, i was sitting there at the dinenr table tonight, and just started CRACKING UP and i got wierd looks from everyone else. its definetally one of those "laugh out loud and hope no one saw you do it" kind of funyn books. haha.... THANKS BE! i really like it. i wonder if "This Lullaby" is really a song. i dono. i'll have to look it up.
today was the first day of trraaaaackkkk! we changed, stretched, did some leg warm ups, ran down school street then around the hart house and then back to the school by kimbal ave and high street. it was prettyyy tough. like.. majorly tough. and its only the first day. ay i yi ay yi. but the coach seems wiiiicked nice, and i got to work on doing hurtles this yeaaar! a wicked nice girl helped me and kerry and liv and a few other people out when it came to warming up for the hurtles. i wish i knew her name. but anyway, she was nice, so, it was a pleasent experience, not too like.. strict or anything like that. and yeah.. soo.. that went well cept for the point where i almost threw up after running. niiiice.
i have to pace myself.
badly.
i wannnnnnaaa write more poems. but i have stupid homework and i'm way to stressed out to write, and i'm stressed out cuz my homeworks not done. but theres no way josay im gonna do my homework cuz first i have to start it, and when i start it, i have to finish it, but in order to finsih it i have to do it, which i don't want to do. mreh. nice huh? how everything.. connects.
i wanna do some sit ups too. yah, thats what i'll go do.
rocket queen
I see you standin
on your own
It's such a lonely place for you to be
If you need a shoulder
Or if you need a friend
I'll be here standing
Until the bitter end
No one needs the sorrow
No one needs the pain
I hate to see you
Walking out there
Out in the rain
So don't chastise me
Or think I mean you harm
Don't ever leave me
Say you'll always be there
All I ever wanted
Was for you
To know that
well, i must be off like the AC when a car overheats
11.28.2004
I've been writing some poems lately...
It all started when Ms.Bascom created a homework assignment. A Creative Writing assignemnt. I want to take a class on Creative Writing sooooo incredibllyyyyy bad, but i don't think we have any.
I feel soo self concious sharing these with you, but Be says they're good. I like them a lot, and i would looooe to hear about what you think about them. some of 'em are personal, others are just.. well, not as personal. just.. tell me what you think.. please.
Amour
One who's blind will always see
How lovely love can really be
You may not ever see it coming
But its always there, silently humming
It could grow between strangers or friends
Through hearts and minds it meanders and bends
It's really quite nice once you give it a go
Once you know it, then show it, don't ever say no
Strange how a four letter word can replace
Hundreds and thousands of feelings of grace
Don't ever abuse or misuse this vow
For you've made a promise and keep it, you shall
If this love begins to fade
Don't become it's slave or maid
Release it so it may travel on
But never will it be fully gone
It may be spied with the wink of an eye
Or may be shown by a weeping cry
But always take some time and sit
Hold, welcome, and embrace it
Last Spring
As the leaves began to fall
She sighed and sat in her chair
Before last Spring she had felt so tall
Greying, now was her hair
He left her only 2 seasons ago
She had known it was a matter of time
Never in her life had she felt so low
For taking his life was a crime
He was sick for most of his days
But only latley had he become still
Endlessly she walked in a haze
Wondering what had made him ill
"Was it me?" she thought in the silence
"What did i do wrong" she asked herself
It was never a matter of violence
Just an old man who sat on a shelf
In his later days he began to sit
By the window in his chair
Watching the leaves in autmn
At them he'd always stare
Now the chair sits quiet and alone
By the only window in the house
That faces the tree where a man old and grown
Would watch the leaves fall, quiet as a mouse
The Boy Ontop of the Moon
There once was a boy who turned on a tune
As he slowly awoke around noon
His silent soul, which loved to sing
Whisked him away to where he was king
So now he's on top of the moon
At night sometimes you stare up at him
And maybe you wave at the boy so dim
Does he ever wave back?
Through the stars and the black?
Probably not, for he's singing his hymn
Last words
I thought about where i could have gone wrong
So many years of warnings, the lectures so long
"Don't do this" and "Just say no" they informed
"I know I know" was my reply and out of the room i stormed
"I'm not a little girl anymore" I thought to myself
"I know whats good and whats bad for my health"
But that night seemed to flow into so many days
Days in which my judgment and thoughts became haze
Without thinking carefully of what i was to do
I took a sip, then another, then more than a few
Such fun it was, being so carefree
Free of the rules, free of being cautious me
Sooner than later the sun came up
Telling us all "one last cup"
So with my mind turned off, and my head in the sky
I took my one last gulp, and said goodbye
I climbed into the drivers seat, knocking everything down
And headed left, towards the middle of town
I panicked and thought when my parents would be home
"I'll speed just a little, no one will ever know"
But that rebel inside lasted only so long
I realized that I was weak, not so strong
I tried and tried to stay on one side of the road
But I couldn't get myself out of "Drunk" mode
I swerved around an invisable car right into a telephone pole
With a crash and a bang and a jolt i offically sold my soul
Those bottles and shots had a bigger price tag than i had expected
With one word all of this could have been rejected
But no i felt i had to lie, i just had to sneak out
The warnings had only made me so much more curious
"When my parents find out, they're gonna be furious" I thought to myself
I felt myself become weaker and weaker as i laid on a mound of dirt
"I never meant for it to turn out this way" with death, i had to flirt
Within moments everything changed and i became "just another teen"
"Maybe her parents never warned her, how could they be that mean?"
The poliece officer shook his head with sorrow in his eyes
"Another article in the paper this week about another teen that died"
The Silver Tree
I love to sit and write
On days when i feel most at ease
Under the welcoming canopy
Of my backyard trees
I like to think about my day
It helps me to create
A place where I can be myself
And no one's ever bait
In this place where I belong
Lies a silver tree
The tree is a symbol
Of how we all are free
I'll take you to this place
If you will agree
To never judge, or lie or cheat
When your atop this tree
Yes, the tree is Silver
No, it is not painted
This tree grew as it is
I hope tis never tainted
It represents no color
No shape, no size, no plan
For this is an image anyone can relate to
Woman or man
Like them? oh, i hope you do!
love you all so very much,
I feel soo self concious sharing these with you, but Be says they're good. I like them a lot, and i would looooe to hear about what you think about them. some of 'em are personal, others are just.. well, not as personal. just.. tell me what you think.. please.
Amour
One who's blind will always see
How lovely love can really be
You may not ever see it coming
But its always there, silently humming
It could grow between strangers or friends
Through hearts and minds it meanders and bends
It's really quite nice once you give it a go
Once you know it, then show it, don't ever say no
Strange how a four letter word can replace
Hundreds and thousands of feelings of grace
Don't ever abuse or misuse this vow
For you've made a promise and keep it, you shall
If this love begins to fade
Don't become it's slave or maid
Release it so it may travel on
But never will it be fully gone
It may be spied with the wink of an eye
Or may be shown by a weeping cry
But always take some time and sit
Hold, welcome, and embrace it
Last Spring
As the leaves began to fall
She sighed and sat in her chair
Before last Spring she had felt so tall
Greying, now was her hair
He left her only 2 seasons ago
She had known it was a matter of time
Never in her life had she felt so low
For taking his life was a crime
He was sick for most of his days
But only latley had he become still
Endlessly she walked in a haze
Wondering what had made him ill
"Was it me?" she thought in the silence
"What did i do wrong" she asked herself
It was never a matter of violence
Just an old man who sat on a shelf
In his later days he began to sit
By the window in his chair
Watching the leaves in autmn
At them he'd always stare
Now the chair sits quiet and alone
By the only window in the house
That faces the tree where a man old and grown
Would watch the leaves fall, quiet as a mouse
The Boy Ontop of the Moon
There once was a boy who turned on a tune
As he slowly awoke around noon
His silent soul, which loved to sing
Whisked him away to where he was king
So now he's on top of the moon
At night sometimes you stare up at him
And maybe you wave at the boy so dim
Does he ever wave back?
Through the stars and the black?
Probably not, for he's singing his hymn
Last words
I thought about where i could have gone wrong
So many years of warnings, the lectures so long
"Don't do this" and "Just say no" they informed
"I know I know" was my reply and out of the room i stormed
"I'm not a little girl anymore" I thought to myself
"I know whats good and whats bad for my health"
But that night seemed to flow into so many days
Days in which my judgment and thoughts became haze
Without thinking carefully of what i was to do
I took a sip, then another, then more than a few
Such fun it was, being so carefree
Free of the rules, free of being cautious me
Sooner than later the sun came up
Telling us all "one last cup"
So with my mind turned off, and my head in the sky
I took my one last gulp, and said goodbye
I climbed into the drivers seat, knocking everything down
And headed left, towards the middle of town
I panicked and thought when my parents would be home
"I'll speed just a little, no one will ever know"
But that rebel inside lasted only so long
I realized that I was weak, not so strong
I tried and tried to stay on one side of the road
But I couldn't get myself out of "Drunk" mode
I swerved around an invisable car right into a telephone pole
With a crash and a bang and a jolt i offically sold my soul
Those bottles and shots had a bigger price tag than i had expected
With one word all of this could have been rejected
But no i felt i had to lie, i just had to sneak out
The warnings had only made me so much more curious
"When my parents find out, they're gonna be furious" I thought to myself
I felt myself become weaker and weaker as i laid on a mound of dirt
"I never meant for it to turn out this way" with death, i had to flirt
Within moments everything changed and i became "just another teen"
"Maybe her parents never warned her, how could they be that mean?"
The poliece officer shook his head with sorrow in his eyes
"Another article in the paper this week about another teen that died"
The Silver Tree
I love to sit and write
On days when i feel most at ease
Under the welcoming canopy
Of my backyard trees
I like to think about my day
It helps me to create
A place where I can be myself
And no one's ever bait
In this place where I belong
Lies a silver tree
The tree is a symbol
Of how we all are free
I'll take you to this place
If you will agree
To never judge, or lie or cheat
When your atop this tree
Yes, the tree is Silver
No, it is not painted
This tree grew as it is
I hope tis never tainted
It represents no color
No shape, no size, no plan
For this is an image anyone can relate to
Woman or man
Like them? oh, i hope you do!
love you all so very much,
rachel e. miller
Together, we've been through everything
Some good times and some bad.
Some things have made us happy,
Others made us sad.
But no matter what has happened,
Through our tears and our mistakes,
You've always been here for me
To fix my heart before it breaks.
We've gone from heartaches to headaches,
Gone from fights to fears.
But I've always seen you by my side,
To pick me up and dry my tears.
Through rain or sunshine,
Whether it may be wind or snow,
I can always count on you to be there
Wherever we may go.
Even through our different troubles,
The won'ts the can'ts the will's,
You'd travel any distance,
Mountains, roads or hills.
Announcements or secrets,
Whatever they may be,
I'll always be here to lend an ear,
You can always count on me.
We've shared our secrets with each other,
And it continues going strong.
We've stayed best friends through decisions made,
Whether they be right or wrong.
As our lives change back and forth,
From one thing to another,
We will always stay in contact,
Be best friends forever.
Through the years we've grown so close,
And I wish for hundreds more.
But if you need help then I'll be here...
Because that's what friends are for.
by Jess Ica
(i wish i was capable of writing such an outstanding piece)
Theres my little reminder to you all in honor of Thanksgiving Day, I'm so very thankful.
Im celebrating thanksgiving with my mom and her family today.
mom
step dad
grammy linda
yiayia
papou
gary
erica
demitra
bret
me
(yes, thats right, brets joining us) this should be fun!!!!!
dinners at 2:30. be there or be [ ].
*smile* if you care!
yeah, i must go take out the trash says the evil madwoman living in my household (mom).
Some things have made us happy,
Others made us sad.
But no matter what has happened,
Through our tears and our mistakes,
You've always been here for me
To fix my heart before it breaks.
We've gone from heartaches to headaches,
Gone from fights to fears.
But I've always seen you by my side,
To pick me up and dry my tears.
Through rain or sunshine,
Whether it may be wind or snow,
I can always count on you to be there
Wherever we may go.
Even through our different troubles,
The won'ts the can'ts the will's,
You'd travel any distance,
Mountains, roads or hills.
Announcements or secrets,
Whatever they may be,
I'll always be here to lend an ear,
You can always count on me.
We've shared our secrets with each other,
And it continues going strong.
We've stayed best friends through decisions made,
Whether they be right or wrong.
As our lives change back and forth,
From one thing to another,
We will always stay in contact,
Be best friends forever.
Through the years we've grown so close,
And I wish for hundreds more.
But if you need help then I'll be here...
Because that's what friends are for.
by Jess Ica
(i wish i was capable of writing such an outstanding piece)
Theres my little reminder to you all in honor of Thanksgiving Day, I'm so very thankful.
Im celebrating thanksgiving with my mom and her family today.
mom
step dad
grammy linda
yiayia
papou
gary
erica
demitra
bret
me
(yes, thats right, brets joining us) this should be fun!!!!!
dinners at 2:30. be there or be [ ].
*smile* if you care!
yeah, i must go take out the trash says the evil madwoman living in my household (mom).
rachel
e.
miller
says
goodnight
11.27.2004
To want is to buy, but to live is to die, you can't take it all
When everything is said and done
I won't have one thing left
What happened to everything
I've ever known?
All they gave me was this ticket to heaven
But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything
I'm running from everything, I'm afraid it's a little too late
Soft voices lie and innocence dies, now ain't that a shame?
Then all of your dreams and all your money, they don't mean a thing
When everything is said and done you won't have one thing left
What happened to everything I've ever known?
All they gave me was this ticket to heaven
But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything
I'm running from everything,...It's a little too late
so ...whats new? theres something i havent really asked in a while, usually i tell you about me, but i want you to tell me about you this time around.
maybe later.
today was the christmas parade... theres two apparently, on yesterday night, which included the tree lighting, and then theres one today, mostly for little kids. so heres how it went:
i was talking to people online after like.. making a total fool of myself as i normally do on teh weekends (aka. put on lots of make up for fun, stick on some knee high high heels, put my hair up on the tip top of my head in a giant barette the size of a football, load on the bright red vixen lipstick...) and just like.. danced around my room to my guns and roses cd. tell me honestly, who does not do that on the weekends? yeah so i was telling my be about that and realized that i wasnt the only freak! her and i... we're just.. too cool. haha. (be>you know it) and yeah so anyway. then she told me she was going to the fair with her markypoo, i mean, with mark. and and aaand she asked me if i was going and i said that i probably wouldn't be going cuz my moms buisey, but.. what do ya know, she said yes! but i had to bring demitra with me. thats ok i guesss, she can be really cool, really naggy, but oh well, shes supposed to be cuz shes the little sister (or.. one of them). but anyway so we went and met up with be and mark near family dollar, went to ipswich house of pizza, ate some pizza while we watched the parade and listened to be talk and talk and talk about how shes in it and knows everyone. pft. such a bragger. haha, no, i lvoe her, really. that would neat though, being in a parade, having everyone like.. wave to you. haha, i dono what im talking about. so then we went and got hot chocolate once i learned that mark hasnt had any in a while, even though he didnt have any today either.. whats up with that? well anyway, we got some from zabaglione (pardon my spelling) and then demitra and i went into the card and paper store or whatever it is, even though all they really sell in there is candles... oh well. hahahhaha me and be.. such freakozoids, we were standing on either side of the window, me inside the store, adn she outside on the sidewalk, talkto eachother on our cell phones and having a FIT cuz when the other person talked, it was like.. waaaay delayed, so like.. i watched her lips moving, and then they'd stop and then i'd start to hear what she said.. you have to try it sometime.. omg.. its absolutely hilarious. so i had to turn my back to her, i just couldnt keep watching.. i would hav elike.. wet my pants it was soo funny. and then mark and be left and went somewhere and me and demitra met my mom up in west coast video.
so thenn we went out to BJ's the most convienent store in the ENTIRE WORLD, and i bought a book by Nicholas Sparks, by the way, hes the fanTASTIC author who wrote the notebook, so if you liked the movie, you'll liek the book waaaaay better. i havent even seen the movie, but that book... *sigh* it was absoluteley INCREDIBLE. so the one i bought is called Night in Rodanthe. i guess its about a lady who goes to take over a friends Inn after her husband cheeted on her and left for for/with a younger woman, and whil shes there she meets this other guy and there stranded at this Inn together cuz theres this giant storm or something. it looks really good. i started reading it in the store, i found my way to the furniture section and plopped myself down on the most comfortable couch in the world, and read the first ten pages or so.
when i came back i took over the stressful task of putting away the grocerys and such. mreh. as if i know my way around the kitchen. i just know my way from teh fridge to the microwave juuust fine. what evah
ive had teh 3 doors down cd for suuchh a long time, but only recently (i mean really recently.. like.. acouple hours ago) have i really gotten into it. there are so great songs on Away From the Sun if you like them.
im playing you shook me all night long on mi guitarra! its difficult though, or at least it hink so, i know i know i know its an easy song and all, but im apparently very much so INCAPABLE of strumming three strings at once that are between otehr strings. if you know anything about guitars, its the g b and d strings. bleh, i dont know what im doing.
tomorrow im celebrating thanksgiving with my mommmyysss family.. and brets joining the partaay. this should be interesting. my yiayia is teh biger swearer in the world... haha, such a silly old lady. oops, did i say old? i mean, such a silly over middle aged lady. ahem.
well.. yes. i still have yet to do my creative writing assignment. shame upon i.
but i must go read that book.
oh yeah! that reminds me! im reading another book all about sexists. i looove it so far. it says "If, as men are so ofton told, they are teh dominent sex, why do so many of them feel dominated, done in by the world? Anyone who reads a magazine, watches a TV talk show, or listens to a radio call in program has heard the evidence: America is having a maculinity crisis. Angry White Males have become a voting bloc. Dads are deadbeat. Boys are on the rampage. And with each schoolyard shooting and presidental peccadillo, with each corporate sexual harassment lawsuit and laid off worker gone beserk, the media offer up the stock pronouncements: Men are out of control, overcontrolling, dangerous, violent, and even, it has been written, obsolete.... Furthermore, it's charged, men have only themselves to blame, for aren't they the ones in control of the culture? Or are they?... Men's problem aren't the product of biology, or of such trumped up enemies as feminism and affirmitive action, but of a modern social tragedy. By listening to men's stories in thier own voices, by taking them on their own terms, Faludi (author) uncovers a buried history, the untold story of how America made a glittering set of promises to the men of the baby boom generation... and procedded to break every one of them. The betrayel of the American man has been perpetrated on many fronts, fromt he boardroom to the football stadium, from the army recruitment center to the suburban living room. ...What keeps men from revolting against their circumstances? Fauldi's explanation for that mystery opens up the possibillity that men's soming rebellion could emancipate both sexes from their true and mutual enemy, a cultural force that constrains us all."
>>>>>You do know what that whole thing is about right? i shouldnt have to spell it out for you? its about stereotypes, mainly the whole "manly man" stereotype that goes overlooked, but has sooooo many refrences to it.
i have had the friggin hiccups TWICE today. can someone please explain to me why the heck we get the hiccups anyway?.. is it "get the hiccups..." or "get hiccups"? hmm.. im not sure.
comment!
I won't have one thing left
What happened to everything
I've ever known?
All they gave me was this ticket to heaven
But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything
I'm running from everything, I'm afraid it's a little too late
Soft voices lie and innocence dies, now ain't that a shame?
Then all of your dreams and all your money, they don't mean a thing
When everything is said and done you won't have one thing left
What happened to everything I've ever known?
All they gave me was this ticket to heaven
But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything
I'm running from everything,...It's a little too late
so ...whats new? theres something i havent really asked in a while, usually i tell you about me, but i want you to tell me about you this time around.
maybe later.
today was the christmas parade... theres two apparently, on yesterday night, which included the tree lighting, and then theres one today, mostly for little kids. so heres how it went:
i was talking to people online after like.. making a total fool of myself as i normally do on teh weekends (aka. put on lots of make up for fun, stick on some knee high high heels, put my hair up on the tip top of my head in a giant barette the size of a football, load on the bright red vixen lipstick...) and just like.. danced around my room to my guns and roses cd. tell me honestly, who does not do that on the weekends? yeah so i was telling my be about that and realized that i wasnt the only freak! her and i... we're just.. too cool. haha. (be>you know it) and yeah so anyway. then she told me she was going to the fair with her markypoo, i mean, with mark. and and aaand she asked me if i was going and i said that i probably wouldn't be going cuz my moms buisey, but.. what do ya know, she said yes! but i had to bring demitra with me. thats ok i guesss, she can be really cool, really naggy, but oh well, shes supposed to be cuz shes the little sister (or.. one of them). but anyway so we went and met up with be and mark near family dollar, went to ipswich house of pizza, ate some pizza while we watched the parade and listened to be talk and talk and talk about how shes in it and knows everyone. pft. such a bragger. haha, no, i lvoe her, really. that would neat though, being in a parade, having everyone like.. wave to you. haha, i dono what im talking about. so then we went and got hot chocolate once i learned that mark hasnt had any in a while, even though he didnt have any today either.. whats up with that? well anyway, we got some from zabaglione (pardon my spelling) and then demitra and i went into the card and paper store or whatever it is, even though all they really sell in there is candles... oh well. hahahhaha me and be.. such freakozoids, we were standing on either side of the window, me inside the store, adn she outside on the sidewalk, talkto eachother on our cell phones and having a FIT cuz when the other person talked, it was like.. waaaay delayed, so like.. i watched her lips moving, and then they'd stop and then i'd start to hear what she said.. you have to try it sometime.. omg.. its absolutely hilarious. so i had to turn my back to her, i just couldnt keep watching.. i would hav elike.. wet my pants it was soo funny. and then mark and be left and went somewhere and me and demitra met my mom up in west coast video.
so thenn we went out to BJ's the most convienent store in the ENTIRE WORLD, and i bought a book by Nicholas Sparks, by the way, hes the fanTASTIC author who wrote the notebook, so if you liked the movie, you'll liek the book waaaaay better. i havent even seen the movie, but that book... *sigh* it was absoluteley INCREDIBLE. so the one i bought is called Night in Rodanthe. i guess its about a lady who goes to take over a friends Inn after her husband cheeted on her and left for for/with a younger woman, and whil shes there she meets this other guy and there stranded at this Inn together cuz theres this giant storm or something. it looks really good. i started reading it in the store, i found my way to the furniture section and plopped myself down on the most comfortable couch in the world, and read the first ten pages or so.
when i came back i took over the stressful task of putting away the grocerys and such. mreh. as if i know my way around the kitchen. i just know my way from teh fridge to the microwave juuust fine. what evah
ive had teh 3 doors down cd for suuchh a long time, but only recently (i mean really recently.. like.. acouple hours ago) have i really gotten into it. there are so great songs on Away From the Sun if you like them.
im playing you shook me all night long on mi guitarra! its difficult though, or at least it hink so, i know i know i know its an easy song and all, but im apparently very much so INCAPABLE of strumming three strings at once that are between otehr strings. if you know anything about guitars, its the g b and d strings. bleh, i dont know what im doing.
tomorrow im celebrating thanksgiving with my mommmyysss family.. and brets joining the partaay. this should be interesting. my yiayia is teh biger swearer in the world... haha, such a silly old lady. oops, did i say old? i mean, such a silly over middle aged lady. ahem.
well.. yes. i still have yet to do my creative writing assignment. shame upon i.
but i must go read that book.
oh yeah! that reminds me! im reading another book all about sexists. i looove it so far. it says "If, as men are so ofton told, they are teh dominent sex, why do so many of them feel dominated, done in by the world? Anyone who reads a magazine, watches a TV talk show, or listens to a radio call in program has heard the evidence: America is having a maculinity crisis. Angry White Males have become a voting bloc. Dads are deadbeat. Boys are on the rampage. And with each schoolyard shooting and presidental peccadillo, with each corporate sexual harassment lawsuit and laid off worker gone beserk, the media offer up the stock pronouncements: Men are out of control, overcontrolling, dangerous, violent, and even, it has been written, obsolete.... Furthermore, it's charged, men have only themselves to blame, for aren't they the ones in control of the culture? Or are they?... Men's problem aren't the product of biology, or of such trumped up enemies as feminism and affirmitive action, but of a modern social tragedy. By listening to men's stories in thier own voices, by taking them on their own terms, Faludi (author) uncovers a buried history, the untold story of how America made a glittering set of promises to the men of the baby boom generation... and procedded to break every one of them. The betrayel of the American man has been perpetrated on many fronts, fromt he boardroom to the football stadium, from the army recruitment center to the suburban living room. ...What keeps men from revolting against their circumstances? Fauldi's explanation for that mystery opens up the possibillity that men's soming rebellion could emancipate both sexes from their true and mutual enemy, a cultural force that constrains us all."
>>>>>You do know what that whole thing is about right? i shouldnt have to spell it out for you? its about stereotypes, mainly the whole "manly man" stereotype that goes overlooked, but has sooooo many refrences to it.
i have had the friggin hiccups TWICE today. can someone please explain to me why the heck we get the hiccups anyway?.. is it "get the hiccups..." or "get hiccups"? hmm.. im not sure.
comment!
rachel
11.26.2004
take my photo off the wall
if it just wont sing for you
cuz all thats left has gone away
and theres nothing there for you to prove
oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
give me back my point view
cuz i just cant think for you.
i can hardly hear you say
"what should i do?"
well, you choose
oh, look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
take my photo off the wall
if it just wont sing for you.
cuz all thats left has gone away
and there nothing there for you to do.
just look, look what you've done
mi amor
i must get that cd "Jet, Get Born" yes.. that's on my christmas list.. along with 45874892 other CD's.
but really all i want for christmas is.. well.. nothing really. i don't like getting stuff from people. i hate it actually. i can fend for myself. i just want to know that im like.. cared for.. ya know? and in order to knwo that i dont have to recieve like.. material things, gifts and such. i loove getting things for other people, things that they WANT. not usless, pointless things just ..because. things that mean something .. ya know?
plus.. i don't really need alot, sure i want stuff, but i don't need it, adn i don't want other people to get it for me, spend their money on me, cuz after all it's thier money that they've earned or collected and it should go to a good use, undulge yourself for all your hard work.
There's a song thats inside of my soul,
It's the one that I've tried to write
Over and over again...
I'm awake in the infinite cold,
But you sing to me
Over and over and over again
So I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours,
I pray to be only yours...
I know now your my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing,
And laughing and laughing again...
When it feels like my dreams are so far,
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me,
over and over again
So I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours,
I pray to be only yours...
I know now your my only hope
I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony,
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs,
I'm giving it all
So I lay my head back down,
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours,
I pray to be only yours...
I know now your my only hope
a walk to remember
i guess i'm going shopping today! even though i went just the other day, but oh well.. sweet. i might as well take advantage of the oppurtunity.
i must go like the geese move south.
rachel
You're packing a suitcase for a place
None of us has been
A place that has to be believed
To be seen
never thought of it that way did ya?
i've been thinking a lot lately. mostly about the human race and why there are different races within a race. and different races within those. its not to make things complicated really. it's sort of... a test. your being tested on pressure, judgement, knowledge, gullability. it's a pretty cool thing to think about i think. there are so many brnaches off branchesoff branches. humans. blacks and whites. europeans americans asians africans. christians muslims buddists hindus jewish. educated uneducated. roman catholic orthadox. it could go on forever basically. if you have any thoughts or comments, let me know because i'd love to hear them. i know the comment thing on this stupid site isnt working out very well, so just send me an email or something (which i never check to be honest with you, but it's good to put forth the effort). its rachelem@comcast.net but anyway.
wow i just had a major inspiration. you see, i was just going to tell you how much of a loss of an idea i had for my creative writing assignment, however reflecting on what i wrote about 17 seconds ago, i think i have an option! i could write about that. hmm... maybe, just maybe i can write three pages on that topic, whatever it may be. however i will need your help for research and opinions so i can include that. i could be some sort of reporter/philosopher.
so today i watched the move Dirty Dancing. it was pretty good, i loved the music and the outfits and the whole cuban atmosphere. i want to do that some time, it looks like so much fun. in my dance classes, we warm up and go across the floor to that soundtrack, such wonderful songs, the rythem really. i mean, the lyrics are ok, but even without them the song would be fantastic. i absolutley love the latin/ballroom dresses, i want one so bad. if you havent seen the movie you should, the two people in it are excellent dancers, must've had years under thier belts before they even took on the roles. especially the male dancer, i wouldn't be suprised if he was a professional dancer.. that's how good he is.
also today was thanksgiving! i actually did have turkey this year, for about.. the first time ever. i always hae ham.. it was kind of wierd that my mamie decided to make turkey, well actually, she sooo excited that she just got a new oven so i guess she wanted to show it off by cooking a giant turkey. my auntie pam and her boyfriend bob were there! it was such a suprise, i thought they were out in virginia! so it was me, my mamie, pamipe, dad, auntie terri, auntie pam, auntie evonne, her daughter (my cousin.. sort of) evette, and evette's husband rick. *sigh* such fun. oh yes and we cannot forget dory, mamie and pampies chuwawa. aww shes so cute, i took her out for a walk, sort of, more like i took ehr out for circles. you see i put her on a lead, and just.. stood there. and she ran around and around and around me till i got allllll tangled up. such a wierd dog. cute though.
what are your plans for the weekend? mine are: nothing. i don't know wether to be discouraged or thankful. well it's thanksgiving after all, so, i guess i'll be thankful for my hassel free time. i do hope to hang out with someone though. saturday maybe?
well...it's official, my dads going insane.we saw the movie psyco today! is that how it's spelled? ..hmm... i don't know. my dad is totally obsessed with alfred hitchcock, and howard hughes. what a wierdo. haha. i love the alfred hitchocock movies too, but i don't know that name and plot of every one of them by heart. but yeah, that movie was pretty cool, such a wierd twist at the end though, but thats why i liked it. he creates such a mind boggling plot that always keeps you guessing, and you gotta love it. the way he thinks is so creative as a producer/director that all of his movies are a hit, and it's all the more interesting seeing them in black and white. so i guess every sunday from now on we're going to see another alfred hitchcock movie... so that'll be about... oh say... a year or 2? there's just so many! the aviator is coming out, and that's about howard hughes and my dad couldnt even stop talking about him to take a breath. i'm suprised he didn't pass out at the dinner table. i guess he's read tons of books on him and knows.. eh.. just about everything there is to know. he even knew that the guy stopped cutting his fingernails a couple years before he died. wow, now theres an interesting fact. i love my daddy though.
so i excersized today! boy do i ahve a stomach ache from it though. i did about 200 sit ups. owchhhh i'll feel really good tomorrow though.
and congratulate me.. this is the first year in about 3 or 4 years that i ahve not gotten sick on thanksgiving. every single time i've gotten sick to my stomach (not from eating or anything) but i've just woken up and felt absolutely horrible. but.. today went PEREFECT! i even played cards! boy do i stink at poker. i like gin rummy better, but we all did play cards after the meal, the dessert.
i had four servings of stuffing... now do you see why i felt i had to do some sit ups?
well, well well well well well, i'm exausted from an exciting, excellent thanksgiving, and i leave you all with a giant "thank you" from me to you for everything you've ever done.
i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.
A place that has to be believed
To be seen
never thought of it that way did ya?
i've been thinking a lot lately. mostly about the human race and why there are different races within a race. and different races within those. its not to make things complicated really. it's sort of... a test. your being tested on pressure, judgement, knowledge, gullability. it's a pretty cool thing to think about i think. there are so many brnaches off branchesoff branches. humans. blacks and whites. europeans americans asians africans. christians muslims buddists hindus jewish. educated uneducated. roman catholic orthadox. it could go on forever basically. if you have any thoughts or comments, let me know because i'd love to hear them. i know the comment thing on this stupid site isnt working out very well, so just send me an email or something (which i never check to be honest with you, but it's good to put forth the effort). its rachelem@comcast.net but anyway.
wow i just had a major inspiration. you see, i was just going to tell you how much of a loss of an idea i had for my creative writing assignment, however reflecting on what i wrote about 17 seconds ago, i think i have an option! i could write about that. hmm... maybe, just maybe i can write three pages on that topic, whatever it may be. however i will need your help for research and opinions so i can include that. i could be some sort of reporter/philosopher.
so today i watched the move Dirty Dancing. it was pretty good, i loved the music and the outfits and the whole cuban atmosphere. i want to do that some time, it looks like so much fun. in my dance classes, we warm up and go across the floor to that soundtrack, such wonderful songs, the rythem really. i mean, the lyrics are ok, but even without them the song would be fantastic. i absolutley love the latin/ballroom dresses, i want one so bad. if you havent seen the movie you should, the two people in it are excellent dancers, must've had years under thier belts before they even took on the roles. especially the male dancer, i wouldn't be suprised if he was a professional dancer.. that's how good he is.
also today was thanksgiving! i actually did have turkey this year, for about.. the first time ever. i always hae ham.. it was kind of wierd that my mamie decided to make turkey, well actually, she sooo excited that she just got a new oven so i guess she wanted to show it off by cooking a giant turkey. my auntie pam and her boyfriend bob were there! it was such a suprise, i thought they were out in virginia! so it was me, my mamie, pamipe, dad, auntie terri, auntie pam, auntie evonne, her daughter (my cousin.. sort of) evette, and evette's husband rick. *sigh* such fun. oh yes and we cannot forget dory, mamie and pampies chuwawa. aww shes so cute, i took her out for a walk, sort of, more like i took ehr out for circles. you see i put her on a lead, and just.. stood there. and she ran around and around and around me till i got allllll tangled up. such a wierd dog. cute though.
what are your plans for the weekend? mine are: nothing. i don't know wether to be discouraged or thankful. well it's thanksgiving after all, so, i guess i'll be thankful for my hassel free time. i do hope to hang out with someone though. saturday maybe?
well...it's official, my dads going insane.we saw the movie psyco today! is that how it's spelled? ..hmm... i don't know. my dad is totally obsessed with alfred hitchcock, and howard hughes. what a wierdo. haha. i love the alfred hitchocock movies too, but i don't know that name and plot of every one of them by heart. but yeah, that movie was pretty cool, such a wierd twist at the end though, but thats why i liked it. he creates such a mind boggling plot that always keeps you guessing, and you gotta love it. the way he thinks is so creative as a producer/director that all of his movies are a hit, and it's all the more interesting seeing them in black and white. so i guess every sunday from now on we're going to see another alfred hitchcock movie... so that'll be about... oh say... a year or 2? there's just so many! the aviator is coming out, and that's about howard hughes and my dad couldnt even stop talking about him to take a breath. i'm suprised he didn't pass out at the dinner table. i guess he's read tons of books on him and knows.. eh.. just about everything there is to know. he even knew that the guy stopped cutting his fingernails a couple years before he died. wow, now theres an interesting fact. i love my daddy though.
so i excersized today! boy do i ahve a stomach ache from it though. i did about 200 sit ups. owchhhh i'll feel really good tomorrow though.
and congratulate me.. this is the first year in about 3 or 4 years that i ahve not gotten sick on thanksgiving. every single time i've gotten sick to my stomach (not from eating or anything) but i've just woken up and felt absolutely horrible. but.. today went PEREFECT! i even played cards! boy do i stink at poker. i like gin rummy better, but we all did play cards after the meal, the dessert.
i had four servings of stuffing... now do you see why i felt i had to do some sit ups?
well, well well well well well, i'm exausted from an exciting, excellent thanksgiving, and i leave you all with a giant "thank you" from me to you for everything you've ever done.
i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.
miss. rachel miller
11.15.2004
it's been a long december and theres reason to believe part 1
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...
I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters,
but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...
I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times
I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
thats my daddy's favortie song. i wonder why... the counting crows are great though. i need one of thier albums
but my favorite part is the italisized part. it really makes you think. cuz.. well.. it's true. we all need to just, live for the moment. really. cuz sooner or later we're going to regret that we didn't take advantage of all the time we had. we're just teenagers right now, we don't have to be worrying about a lot of stuff. sure, maybe a part time job, but thats not too much compared to when your an adult trying to raise a family. dance a few more songs. laugh a little louder. give one more smile.. or two. say thank you, and make sure they hear it. stay out an hour later. breathe a little deeper. say what's on your mind while it counts. give someone you care about meaningful advice. fall in love with someone, and never let it go.
thats another one of my new philosophys. and also, try not to let other people persuede you. please. cuz thats just stupid. what do you think "your opinon" really means? it means WHAT YOU THINK. not what one of your friends thinks. if you don't have an opinion... then say that. its not hard people. think for yourself... for once. thats all i ask.
today was the pasta fest. whup. de. do. that was no fun. just walk around in uncomfortable shoes and give people food. YES. my dad came though. that was pretty cool. hes never come before and this is.. my fourth year doing it? third maybe? who knows. but.. i love my daddy and im glad he came. even though the entire thing was a total waste of my time. i could have been doinghomeowrk or something productive like that. i dont mean to sound disrespectful, i mean, after all i love donating my time, however when other people take over my job for me. thats a slap in the face. honestly people. thats fucking stupid. i was assigned to do a job, and then two other people were assigned to do it with me. thats fine with me. but you dont take my seat, stretch your legs out, hog all of the materials, and start a converstaion with another person complaing how you don't want to do it. i would have gladly done it by myself, you dont have to be such a bitch about it. omfg. so people these days. they wont even tie their own shoes without complaining about all the effort they have to put forth. you dont call your mom to come get you cuz you don't want to help out the group. sure you can complain about it, LATER, when the people aren't around to hear you complain. cuz thats just rude. i was having a blast doing the tickets all by myself. then they come in, take over, and i just.. i walked away. i didn't even want to talk to them about it. i know i shouldn't ahve given up like that, but i hate them anyway. sucks for them that when they have a customer they dont know what the hell they're doing. here comes rachel, back toi save the day. i only did that cuz it was my family. what ever. go die or something. i mean.. theres no point in even showing up. ahh sorry i didnt mean that. don't die. just.. grow up. i dont know what came over me when i said that. i don't like death.
ahh that just. it makes me so mad. i cant stand those fucking popular kind of people. they think they're the best and they can get out of doing the work. what the hell? who came up with all this? where did they get that from.. their parents? i don't know. and theres not even a point in expl,aining it to them, cu they'll jsut blow you off cuz they think that they're better than you, and have better things to do than listen to you trying to teach them something important. they better not get any credit for that. retards. when they step out into the real world. boy are they gonna be suprised. you can't not do anything at work and still get paid. it doesn't work that way honey. sucks ass for you. grow up. become mature.
some things.. ya know.. they just.. piss you off so bad and ruin your day.
i thought i was going to the movies today, but i guess not. my dad didn't want to go and see ladder 49. i reallyy wanna see itl though im gonna cry my brains out. oh shoot.. what brains? i stil wanna see it though. eventually. even if i do have to wait till it comes out on video. maybe by then i'll have some brain i can cry out.
look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
give me back my point view
cuz i just cant think for you.
i can hardly hear you say
"what should i do?"
well, you choose.
>Thank You JET for putting that into words for me.. no wait, lyrics.
wow i just noticed for the past like.. 2 weeks, i've been awful mad. just about.. random things. nothing in particular. i need a vacation. i have to.. to go to a spa or something.. for like a week. or just spend some time alone. but then again i really don't like being alone for a long time. i get all disoriented and confused. maybe for like.. a day that'd be cool.
oh yeah i was talking to my love viky, and she sent me the saddest story. its a poem actually.. i think. cuz it like.. rymes and all. its about.. naughty highschoolers. stupid ones. who like to do stupid stuff. here ya go.. i think you all should read it.
it's actually really important to me for you to read it. cuz.. its so close to home. things like this happen all the time:
Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Dan was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smok and Dan took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Dan was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Dan started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.)
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Dan away
"Please take me home, I don't want to stay."
Dan cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast
As Dan drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Dan was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Dan was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
I only wanted to have just one night of fun.
Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim
And wish I could return their families to them.
Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
kristina, i know i told you you should have never told me that story. but .. im glad that i know now cuz i can share it with every one else and make them aware of how much they can screw up thiers, and everyone elses lives. i hope i never ever know anyone that has to ever go through that. i wish i had never heard of it. and that it asnt a problem. but there are so really fucking stupid people in this world, however, none of them deserve to die, they just deserve a second chance. but we cant give them that can we. no, we cant, cuz wether to let people live or die is out of our control. sure doctors can PERSUEDE, but if they were only meant to have on shot, and they blew it then thats that and im sorry. and this is why you nee to live like its your last day. live like theres no tomorrow. dont drink. or smoke. cuz thats just asking for it.its just like "here death, come take me now." your all smarter than that. or at least i think, and hope so. if i ever found out that any of my friends were doin that. man oh man.. Boy would they be in for a TREAT. you hear me? you hear me out there? can you hear my plead?
yes, i do love you.
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...
I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters,
but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...
I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times
I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
thats my daddy's favortie song. i wonder why... the counting crows are great though. i need one of thier albums
but my favorite part is the italisized part. it really makes you think. cuz.. well.. it's true. we all need to just, live for the moment. really. cuz sooner or later we're going to regret that we didn't take advantage of all the time we had. we're just teenagers right now, we don't have to be worrying about a lot of stuff. sure, maybe a part time job, but thats not too much compared to when your an adult trying to raise a family. dance a few more songs. laugh a little louder. give one more smile.. or two. say thank you, and make sure they hear it. stay out an hour later. breathe a little deeper. say what's on your mind while it counts. give someone you care about meaningful advice. fall in love with someone, and never let it go.
thats another one of my new philosophys. and also, try not to let other people persuede you. please. cuz thats just stupid. what do you think "your opinon" really means? it means WHAT YOU THINK. not what one of your friends thinks. if you don't have an opinion... then say that. its not hard people. think for yourself... for once. thats all i ask.
today was the pasta fest. whup. de. do. that was no fun. just walk around in uncomfortable shoes and give people food. YES. my dad came though. that was pretty cool. hes never come before and this is.. my fourth year doing it? third maybe? who knows. but.. i love my daddy and im glad he came. even though the entire thing was a total waste of my time. i could have been doinghomeowrk or something productive like that. i dont mean to sound disrespectful, i mean, after all i love donating my time, however when other people take over my job for me. thats a slap in the face. honestly people. thats fucking stupid. i was assigned to do a job, and then two other people were assigned to do it with me. thats fine with me. but you dont take my seat, stretch your legs out, hog all of the materials, and start a converstaion with another person complaing how you don't want to do it. i would have gladly done it by myself, you dont have to be such a bitch about it. omfg. so people these days. they wont even tie their own shoes without complaining about all the effort they have to put forth. you dont call your mom to come get you cuz you don't want to help out the group. sure you can complain about it, LATER, when the people aren't around to hear you complain. cuz thats just rude. i was having a blast doing the tickets all by myself. then they come in, take over, and i just.. i walked away. i didn't even want to talk to them about it. i know i shouldn't ahve given up like that, but i hate them anyway. sucks for them that when they have a customer they dont know what the hell they're doing. here comes rachel, back toi save the day. i only did that cuz it was my family. what ever. go die or something. i mean.. theres no point in even showing up. ahh sorry i didnt mean that. don't die. just.. grow up. i dont know what came over me when i said that. i don't like death.
ahh that just. it makes me so mad. i cant stand those fucking popular kind of people. they think they're the best and they can get out of doing the work. what the hell? who came up with all this? where did they get that from.. their parents? i don't know. and theres not even a point in expl,aining it to them, cu they'll jsut blow you off cuz they think that they're better than you, and have better things to do than listen to you trying to teach them something important. they better not get any credit for that. retards. when they step out into the real world. boy are they gonna be suprised. you can't not do anything at work and still get paid. it doesn't work that way honey. sucks ass for you. grow up. become mature.
some things.. ya know.. they just.. piss you off so bad and ruin your day.
i thought i was going to the movies today, but i guess not. my dad didn't want to go and see ladder 49. i reallyy wanna see itl though im gonna cry my brains out. oh shoot.. what brains? i stil wanna see it though. eventually. even if i do have to wait till it comes out on video. maybe by then i'll have some brain i can cry out.
look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
give me back my point view
cuz i just cant think for you.
i can hardly hear you say
"what should i do?"
well, you choose.
>Thank You JET for putting that into words for me.. no wait, lyrics.
wow i just noticed for the past like.. 2 weeks, i've been awful mad. just about.. random things. nothing in particular. i need a vacation. i have to.. to go to a spa or something.. for like a week. or just spend some time alone. but then again i really don't like being alone for a long time. i get all disoriented and confused. maybe for like.. a day that'd be cool.
oh yeah i was talking to my love viky, and she sent me the saddest story. its a poem actually.. i think. cuz it like.. rymes and all. its about.. naughty highschoolers. stupid ones. who like to do stupid stuff. here ya go.. i think you all should read it.
it's actually really important to me for you to read it. cuz.. its so close to home. things like this happen all the time:
Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Dan was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smok and Dan took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Dan was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Dan started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.)
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Dan away
"Please take me home, I don't want to stay."
Dan cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast
As Dan drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Dan was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Dan was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
I only wanted to have just one night of fun.
Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim
And wish I could return their families to them.
Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
kristina, i know i told you you should have never told me that story. but .. im glad that i know now cuz i can share it with every one else and make them aware of how much they can screw up thiers, and everyone elses lives. i hope i never ever know anyone that has to ever go through that. i wish i had never heard of it. and that it asnt a problem. but there are so really fucking stupid people in this world, however, none of them deserve to die, they just deserve a second chance. but we cant give them that can we. no, we cant, cuz wether to let people live or die is out of our control. sure doctors can PERSUEDE, but if they were only meant to have on shot, and they blew it then thats that and im sorry. and this is why you nee to live like its your last day. live like theres no tomorrow. dont drink. or smoke. cuz thats just asking for it.its just like "here death, come take me now." your all smarter than that. or at least i think, and hope so. if i ever found out that any of my friends were doin that. man oh man.. Boy would they be in for a TREAT. you hear me? you hear me out there? can you hear my plead?
yes, i do love you.
11.13.2004
We are young
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no on can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield
today i hung out with the most wonderfull... CRISTINA TREVARROW. great huh? i kicked her butt at gin rummy, we watched t.v., the basics.
oh yeah and before that i sort of did nothing all morning. made myself a bowl (yes... i said BOWL) of raspberry hot chocolate. it was so yummy, weird tasting though. very unique.
then tonight i hung out with bret!
after tina left i watched THE HAUNTING.. great movie. creepy though. wierd plot. and then bret showed up, and scared teh crap out of me cuz i was so paranoid after watching that movie. so then we went to his dads house (bill's house) in newburyport, and walked to the pizza factory and got a pizzaaaaa which was muy delicioso. we watched the race thingy on t.v. which was actually pretty interesting. then we walked back to his house, and watched a movie which was suprisingly good. somehow we ended up watching that tad hamilton movie. haha. it was a romantic comedy. there were those "aww" parts that make you smile and then there were those "i cant believe they just said that" parts that make you laugh, and OF COURSE there were those times when you catch yourself yelling at the screen for him to "TALK TO HER ALREADY!" but yeah, i didnt think it was going to be a GREAT movie, but it turned out to be pretty good! sooo then after that i realy didnt want to leave to go home, but we had too cuz bill didnt want to have to stay out late dropping me off at home. as it was, we got to my house around 10.
so now here i am, watching some random cop show with murderers on the screeen. its called "killing spree" i love these shows! i hate them, but i looove them. detectives. science. cops. murderers. killings. interrigation. victims. mysteries. *sigh* its soo great. im like.. addicted to these shows... honestly.
well i have some katching up to do with another journal of mine. the one i havent even read.
love you so much, always and forever.
rachey...
11.12.2004
Imagine theres no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
Today i had to give Joe G. a piece of my mind. talking crap about blacks.
fucking sexists...racists...predujicies...
grow up for christs sake. or at least try to.
*sigh* today is the first snow of the year! oh how exciting! i love snow when im looking at it through window. i think its absolutely gorgeous. its not even that cold! its just that when theres snow, the tempereture is low, so i never go outside to admire it first hand. i have so many fond memories of the snow! i can't even begin to explain them all. my mom and dan are planning ski trips. as much as i love winter, and love skiing, i hate going away from home. i just realized recently, that it wasent the skiing i hated, it was the combination of the cold, the wind, and the fact that i'm not with my friends. i want to plan like.. a huge skiing party sometime this winter. where every meets up there together and we all go and stay in the mountians for a weekend. ahh i think that'd be so cool.
got report cards today!! for the first quarter of my highschool journey i recived:
An A in English (bascom)
An A- in Spanish (killian) h
A B+ in Geometry (manos) h
A B+ in Pc Apps (adonizzio)
A B in Chior (connely-potter)h
woo hoo!
its going to be snowing at the game tonight! I dono who gonna be there, cept for myself. bret might not come cuz hes with his dad and i guess no one mentioned that there was a game tonight. i hope he commessss! hes been at every home game.. and theres only one more after this.. so just COME. and the next one ison thanksgiving and i dono how many people are goingot be going to that. i probably wotn cuz i'll be celebrating with my family. i dono. maaaybe. i dont think they'd cancel the game cuz of the snow or anything... that'd be stuuupid. im not sure if the band will be playing though, i know for a fact they dont play in the rain. i dont know if i would rather have them play or not, its just that lots of my buddys are band members so it'd be cool for once for me to be able to tlak and hang out with them the whole time,instead of just between songs. but then again, the music makes it all the more exciting! watching the game, and the cheerleaders, and hearing the music in the backround... it all goes together. it fits. and you know what they say... "if the shoe fits, wear it." yeah..so...
there was a major math test today... that wicked sucked. and i mean WICKED. no one knew whta they were doing. the answers were practically laid out in front of us too! but still... ahh it was soo complicated. cuz we never learned it well enough to answer questions about it. we learned it from our classmates, which you'd think was a good idea, however if they dont understand it, then your stuck drifting in a broken motor boat with no paddels. ... or is it paddles?
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
Today i had to give Joe G. a piece of my mind. talking crap about blacks.
fucking sexists...racists...predujicies...
grow up for christs sake. or at least try to.
*sigh* today is the first snow of the year! oh how exciting! i love snow when im looking at it through window. i think its absolutely gorgeous. its not even that cold! its just that when theres snow, the tempereture is low, so i never go outside to admire it first hand. i have so many fond memories of the snow! i can't even begin to explain them all. my mom and dan are planning ski trips. as much as i love winter, and love skiing, i hate going away from home. i just realized recently, that it wasent the skiing i hated, it was the combination of the cold, the wind, and the fact that i'm not with my friends. i want to plan like.. a huge skiing party sometime this winter. where every meets up there together and we all go and stay in the mountians for a weekend. ahh i think that'd be so cool.
got report cards today!! for the first quarter of my highschool journey i recived:
An A in English (bascom)
An A- in Spanish (killian) h
A B+ in Geometry (manos) h
A B+ in Pc Apps (adonizzio)
A B in Chior (connely-potter)h
woo hoo!
its going to be snowing at the game tonight! I dono who gonna be there, cept for myself. bret might not come cuz hes with his dad and i guess no one mentioned that there was a game tonight. i hope he commessss! hes been at every home game.. and theres only one more after this.. so just COME. and the next one ison thanksgiving and i dono how many people are goingot be going to that. i probably wotn cuz i'll be celebrating with my family. i dono. maaaybe. i dont think they'd cancel the game cuz of the snow or anything... that'd be stuuupid. im not sure if the band will be playing though, i know for a fact they dont play in the rain. i dont know if i would rather have them play or not, its just that lots of my buddys are band members so it'd be cool for once for me to be able to tlak and hang out with them the whole time,instead of just between songs. but then again, the music makes it all the more exciting! watching the game, and the cheerleaders, and hearing the music in the backround... it all goes together. it fits. and you know what they say... "if the shoe fits, wear it." yeah..so...
there was a major math test today... that wicked sucked. and i mean WICKED. no one knew whta they were doing. the answers were practically laid out in front of us too! but still... ahh it was soo complicated. cuz we never learned it well enough to answer questions about it. we learned it from our classmates, which you'd think was a good idea, however if they dont understand it, then your stuck drifting in a broken motor boat with no paddels. ... or is it paddles?
