You're my sweet charade

well ok, yeah i know i havent updated in like... well basically forever. but let me explain myself. ok, so, just like any other teenagers room, mine is a bombscene. i mean like, the damage done is far worse than what all those countries look like after the hurricanes hit. yeah, theres a way to put it into perspective for ya. ok so anyway, my mom and dan go crazy if it's not clean and they found out that sending me to my room DOES NOT WORK. because you see, just because im not in my room it means i'll clean it. nope. no way. i have my comp! my lovely computor, my savior. well anyway, so dan took away my internet crad. AHHHH. wtf? i was starting to clean it! it takes me a little while to do things, and hes known me 11 years, don't ya think he would have given me a bit of slack? anyway so thats why.


so thats why i havent been on IM either.



im writing this at my moms work and i'll hopefully talk again but now shes ushering me out the door cuz its wayyyy past when we were supposed to leave.


also:
i read this quote in the bathroom on the wal

"luck is what happens when preperation meets oppurtunity" interesting huh?

well, i'm lucky for my friends but i wasn't prepared for how wierd they'd be. hahah, ok well i g2g.

love you all! i mean it! thank for everything!


rachel e miller.

thunderstuck

ac/dc

i know i already updated today, but oh well. eveyones watching the pats game. i've been looking at peoples journals, and recently came across mark maneys and i found like, this questionarie thing. i loove questiuonaiers, so i copyed and pasted so i could fill it out. cuz im that cool. haha. okey dokey here we go:

YOU
What is your name?: rachel
Are you named after anyone?: not that i know of
What's your screename?: sweet xcharadex


Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: I doubt i'd ever become famous


BASICS
Your gender: female
Straight/Gay/Bi: straight
Single?: yes
If not, do you want to be?: but i am
Birthdate: september 28, 1989 (that means i can drive the regular age.. IN YOUR FACE)
Your age: 15
Age you act: umm, sometimes 10 sometimes 70. heck, i dont know.
Age you wish you were: 18
Your height: 5'4"??
Eye color: brown
Happy with it?: i love my eyes: big brown and b e a utiful
Hair color: i dont even know.. blond? brown? dirty blond? it could be grey for all i know
Happy with it?: how should i know, i dono what the heck the color even is!
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: ambidextrous
Your living arrangement: step dad and mom
Have any pets?: 3 dogs
Whats your job?: i wish i had one. student i guess
Piercings?: 2 on each ear
Tattoos?: nope
Obsessions?: m&ms?
Addictions?: m&ms?
Do you speak another language?: spanish and a bit of greek
Have a favorite quote?: cheerio i guess
Do you have a webpage?: yeah, this one. oh plus a picture one but don't ask for it cuz i have no idea what it is. shows how great my memory is


DEEP THOUGHTS
Do you live in the moment?: usually i try too.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes
Do you have any secrets?: tons
Do you hate yourself?: not usually
Do you like your handwriting?: i dono, its handwriting.. who really cares?
Do you have any bad habits?: yup
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE CUZ YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT (its better to warn in advance)
Can you sing?: i think so
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nah, i gave up on that a long time ago
Are you a loner?: nope
What are your #1 priorities in life?: how can you ahve a number one priorities? (one is singular, priorities is plural) I HATE WRONG GRAMMER its NUMBER ONE PRIORITY gosh!
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: nah, i'd be like "eww shes so wierd"
Are you a daredevil?: hmm.. i dono. i dare to be different
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: i hate my indecisiveness and i fear it will hurt other people
Are you passive or agressive?: depends what the situation is
Do you have a journal?: this one
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: hmm, probably be more.. hmm.. i just dont know. maybe be less indecisive?
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: nope, not at all
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: tons of stuff
What do you like the most about your body?: blah i dont know... i actually like my eyes a lot
Do you think you are good looking?: you tell me
Are you confident?: depends under what circumstances
What is the fictional character you are most like?: wonder woman (obviously) haha
Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes


DO YOU...
Smoke?: never
Do drugs?: nope
Read the newspaper?: i read it today.. every word (i was that bored)
Pray?: sometimes.. i use the term too loosley though
Go to church?: sometimes
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah
Sleep with stuffed animals?: nope, not recently
Take walks in the rain?: depends if its a thunderstorm or not...
Talk to people even though you hate them?: sometimes
Like to drive fast?: yessss

WOULD YOU/ HAVE YOU EVER
Liked your voice?: yeah sometimes, then it gets really annoying
Hurt yourself?: not on purpose
Been out of the country?: i wishh
Eaten something that made other people sick?: what does that have to do with anything.. i dont know
Been in love?: nope, said i have? yes
Done drugs?: did i already answer this? NO
Gone skinny dipping?: nope
Had a medical emergency?: i dont think so
Had surgery?: yes
Ran away from home?: no, wished i had: yes
Played strip poker?: yes
Gotten beaten up?: nope
Beaten someone up?: verbally: yes, physically: not yet
Been picked on?: all the time
Been on stage?: yes
Slept outdoors?: yes
Thought about suicide?: maybe once or twice
Pulled an all nighter?: yes
If yes, what is your record?: doesnt all nighter mean all night? you cant really HAVE a record for that it'd be all night, or not all night, because if it wasnt all night then it wasnt an all nighter, come on people, lets use our heads
Gone one day without food?: yes
Talked on the phone all night?: haha yes
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? i havent slept with the opposite sex in teh first place
Slept all day?: when i was little
Killed someone?: nope wish i could: yes
Met a famous person?: yup
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no
On purpose?: never
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: once and i learned my lesson
Stolen anything?: nope
Been on radio/tv?: i wish
Been in a mosh-pit?: yes (switchfoot concert baby YEAH)
Had a nervous breakdown?: more then one
Believe in life on other planets?: umm, i try not too
Miracles?: sometimes
Astrology?: yes
God?: i dont know, no? well, i really am i not sure at alll what i believe
Ghosts?: i sooo try not too but ihave nightmares abuot them all teh time.. dose that mean that i do believe in them??
Luck?: usually no
Love at first sight?: noo

THEOLOGY
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: i dont know
Do you think God has a gender?: i dont even know its tehres a god
Do you believe in organized religion?: i dono
Where do you think we go when we die?: in a coffin, tehn under the ground, well sometimes were creamated adn we go in a jar or something

FRIENDS
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yup
Who is your best friend?: hmm.. be

Who's the one person that knows most about you?: no one
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: dont worry about it
Your favourite inside joke?: oh god i have way to many and i'd love to explain all of them but i can't possibly
Who's your longest known friend?: kati mckinney
Newest?: hmm... boog?
Shyest?: jenny or tina
Funniest?: be
Sweetest?: be or boog
Closest?: Hmmmm donno
Weirdest?: boog or kati, definetally (haha)
Smartest?: hmm.. i dono, we're all smart! kati or tina
Ditziest?: boog hahaha
Friends you miss being close to the most?: kayla jernegan, i really miss it
Last person you talked to online?: be
Who are you on the phone with most?: bret
Who do you trust most?: i dont really trust anyone, not even myself
Who listens to your problems?: be, jenny, boog, tina, nat, everyone, they listen where or not they even want too haha
Who do you fight most with?: erica, or dan (he doesnt know it though)
Who's the nicest?: i cant decide!
Who's your second family?: pam, kati and bob cuz i've known them FOREVER (i would say kayla jernegan but her and i arent that close, if you'd asked me a while ago i would have said them def too)
Do you always feel understood?: not always, but i do sometimes
Who's the loudest friend?: nat haha
Do you trust others easily?: nope
Who's house were you last at?: be's!
Do your friends know you?: they know a lot about me! not everything though, as much as i'm willing to tell
Friend that lives farthest away: hmm, lemme think umm... i dont know

LOVE AND SUCH
Do you consider love a mistake?: i dono a lot about love
What do you find romantic?: hmm, i dono, romance is really complicated sometimes
Turn-on?: tall dark and handsome. haha , well no im not sure, funny, relativley smart, attractive, outgoing, happy, understanding, caring, not too easy going, respectful yet a little agressive
Turn-off?: sheer stubborness, stupidity, haveing no respect, lying, cheeting, concietedness
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them: yes, then i know if i wanan date them or not
Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask
a guy out: yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: i hope so haha
What is best about the opposite sex?: that they'r sometimes a challenge i guess
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: i dono, i dont wanna make any generalizations
What's the last present someone gave you?: ummm... hmm... i cant remember

THE LAST PERSON
That haunted you?: a stupid ghost that lives in my hosue that i am DEATHLY afraid of like.. i mean, seriously
You wanted to kill?: Dan
That you laughed at?: my dadddyyy
That laughed at you?: probably be and tina
You went shopping with?: hmm... i cant remember
You saw a movie with?: be and tina when we watched napoleon
You talked to on the phone?: my mom!
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: boog
You saw?: my dad and nana and papa
You lost?: hmm.. my greatgrandfather

AT THIS MOMENT
Are you going out?: nope
What are you wearing right now?: the necessary undergarments, long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, and jeans, oh and socks! (its kinda cold at this house)
What are you worried about right now?: that i wont wet my pants cuz i have to go the bathroom so incredibly bad but i wanna finish answering all these first
What book are you reading?: well ike 2468260820689, but i just finished (about an hour ago) You Dont Know Me (which is actaully Bret's book, its reallyy good)
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: happy, cold, havetogotothebathroom, feelinganticipation:wouldthatbe"anticipated?" hmm, oh and tight:like:havetostreachcuzi'msotight
Are you bored?: sorta, not really now that i have something to do



anyway yeah, there ya go! everything you wanted to knwo about me... almost. anything else just IM me. well i have to go to the bathroom just as bad as we want to see the pats win this football game. in other words totallyextremelyoverwhelminglyundescribibly bad. yeah. thats it.


with the need for a bathroom, more layers of socks, and anotehrcd to listen too cuz this ac/dc one is getting old,

RACHEL MILLER DAMMIT

thunderstuck

ac/dc

i know i already updated today, but oh well. eveyones watching the pats game. i've been looking at peoples journals, and recently came across mark maneys and i found like, this questionarie thing. i loove questiuonaiers, so i copyed and pasted so i could fill it out. cuz im that cool. haha. okey dokey here we go:

YOU
What is your name?: rachel
Are you named after anyone?: not that i know of
What's your screename?: sweet xcharadex


Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: I doubt i'd ever become famous


BASICS
Your gender: female
Straight/Gay/Bi: straight
Single?: yes
If not, do you want to be?: but i am
Birthdate: september 28, 1989 (that means i can drive the regular age.. IN YOUR FACE)
Your age: 15
Age you act: umm, sometimes 10 sometimes 70. heck, i dont know.
Age you wish you were: 18
Your height: 5'4"??
Eye color: brown
Happy with it?: i love my eyes: big brown and b e a utiful
Hair color: i dont even know.. blond? brown? dirty blond? it could be grey for all i know
Happy with it?: how should i know, i dono what the heck the color even is!
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: ambidextrous
Your living arrangement: step dad and mom
Have any pets?: 3 dogs
Whats your job?: i wish i had one. student i guess
Piercings?: 2 on each ear
Tattoos?: nope
Obsessions?: m&ms?
Addictions?: m&ms?
Do you speak another language?: spanish and a bit of greek
Have a favorite quote?: cheerio i guess
Do you have a webpage?: yeah, this one. oh plus a picture one but don't ask for it cuz i have no idea what it is. shows how great my memory is


DEEP THOUGHTS
Do you live in the moment?: usually i try too.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes
Do you have any secrets?: tons
Do you hate yourself?: not usually
Do you like your handwriting?: i dono, its handwriting.. who really cares?
Do you have any bad habits?: yup
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE CUZ YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT (its better to warn in advance)
Can you sing?: i think so
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nah, i gave up on that a long time ago
Are you a loner?: nope
What are your #1 priorities in life?: how can you ahve a number one priorities? (one is singular, priorities is plural) I HATE WRONG GRAMMER its NUMBER ONE PRIORITY gosh!
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: nah, i'd be like "eww shes so wierd"
Are you a daredevil?: hmm.. i dono. i dare to be different
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: i hate my indecisiveness and i fear it will hurt other people
Are you passive or agressive?: depends what the situation is
Do you have a journal?: this one
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: hmm, probably be more.. hmm.. i just dont know. maybe be less indecisive?
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: nope, not at all
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: tons of stuff
What do you like the most about your body?: blah i dont know... i actually like my eyes a lot
Do you think you are good looking?: you tell me
Are you confident?: depends under what circumstances
What is the fictional character you are most like?: wonder woman (obviously) haha
Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes


DO YOU...
Smoke?: never
Do drugs?: nope
Read the newspaper?: i read it today.. every word (i was that bored)
Pray?: sometimes.. i use the term too loosley though
Go to church?: sometimes
Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah
Sleep with stuffed animals?: nope, not recently
Take walks in the rain?: depends if its a thunderstorm or not...
Talk to people even though you hate them?: sometimes
Like to drive fast?: yessss

WOULD YOU/ HAVE YOU EVER
Liked your voice?: yeah sometimes, then it gets really annoying
Hurt yourself?: not on purpose
Been out of the country?: i wishh
Eaten something that made other people sick?: what does that have to do with anything.. i dont know
Been in love?: nope, said i have? yes
Done drugs?: did i already answer this? NO
Gone skinny dipping?: nope
Had a medical emergency?: i dont think so
Had surgery?: yes
Ran away from home?: no, wished i had: yes
Played strip poker?: yes
Gotten beaten up?: nope
Beaten someone up?: verbally: yes, physically: not yet
Been picked on?: all the time
Been on stage?: yes
Slept outdoors?: yes
Thought about suicide?: maybe once or twice
Pulled an all nighter?: yes
If yes, what is your record?: doesnt all nighter mean all night? you cant really HAVE a record for that it'd be all night, or not all night, because if it wasnt all night then it wasnt an all nighter, come on people, lets use our heads
Gone one day without food?: yes
Talked on the phone all night?: haha yes
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? i havent slept with the opposite sex in teh first place
Slept all day?: when i was little
Killed someone?: nope wish i could: yes
Met a famous person?: yup
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no
On purpose?: never
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: once and i learned my lesson
Stolen anything?: nope
Been on radio/tv?: i wish
Been in a mosh-pit?: yes (switchfoot concert baby YEAH)
Had a nervous breakdown?: more then one
Believe in life on other planets?: umm, i try not too
Miracles?: sometimes
Astrology?: yes
God?: i dont know, no? well, i really am i not sure at alll what i believe
Ghosts?: i sooo try not too but ihave nightmares abuot them all teh time.. dose that mean that i do believe in them??
Luck?: usually no
Love at first sight?: noo

THEOLOGY
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: i dont know
Do you think God has a gender?: i dont even know its tehres a god
Do you believe in organized religion?: i dono
Where do you think we go when we die?: in a coffin, tehn under the ground, well sometimes were creamated adn we go in a jar or something

FRIENDS
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yup
Who is your best friend?: hmm.. be

Who's the one person that knows most about you?: no one
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: dont worry about it
Your favourite inside joke?: oh god i have way to many and i'd love to explain all of them but i can't possibly
Who's your longest known friend?: kati mckinney
Newest?: hmm... boog?
Shyest?: jenny or tina
Funniest?: be
Sweetest?: be or boog
Closest?: Hmmmm donno
Weirdest?: boog or kati, definetally (haha)
Smartest?: hmm.. i dono, we're all smart! kati or tina
Ditziest?: boog hahaha
Friends you miss being close to the most?: kayla jernegan, i really miss it
Last person you talked to online?: be
Who are you on the phone with most?: bret
Who do you trust most?: i dont really trust anyone, not even myself
Who listens to your problems?: be, jenny, boog, tina, nat, everyone, they listen where or not they even want too haha
Who do you fight most with?: erica, or dan (he doesnt know it though)
Who's the nicest?: i cant decide!
Who's your second family?: pam, kati and bob cuz i've known them FOREVER (i would say kayla jernegan but her and i arent that close, if you'd asked me a while ago i would have said them def too)
Do you always feel understood?: not always, but i do sometimes
Who's the loudest friend?: nat haha
Do you trust others easily?: nope
Who's house were you last at?: be's!
Do your friends know you?: they know a lot about me! not everything though, as much as i'm willing to tell
Friend that lives farthest away: hmm, lemme think umm... i dont know

LOVE AND SUCH
Do you consider love a mistake?: i dono a lot about love
What do you find romantic?: hmm, i dono, romance is really complicated sometimes
Turn-on?: tall dark and handsome. haha , well no im not sure, funny, relativley smart, attractive, outgoing, happy, understanding, caring, not too easy going, respectful yet a little agressive
Turn-off?: sheer stubborness, stupidity, haveing no respect, lying, cheeting, concietedness
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them: yes, then i know if i wanan date them or not
Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask
a guy out: yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: i hope so haha
What is best about the opposite sex?: that they'r sometimes a challenge i guess
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: i dono, i dont wanna make any generalizations
What's the last present someone gave you?: ummm... hmm... i cant remember

THE LAST PERSON
That haunted you?: a stupid ghost that lives in my hosue that i am DEATHLY afraid of like.. i mean, seriously
You wanted to kill?: Dan
That you laughed at?: my dadddyyy
That laughed at you?: probably be and tina
You went shopping with?: hmm... i cant remember
You saw a movie with?: be and tina when we watched napoleon
You talked to on the phone?: my mom!
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: boog
You saw?: my dad and nana and papa
You lost?: hmm.. my greatgrandfather

AT THIS MOMENT
Are you going out?: nope
What are you wearing right now?: the necessary undergarments, long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, and jeans, oh and socks! (its kinda cold at this house)
What are you worried about right now?: that i wont wet my pants cuz i have to go the bathroom so incredibly bad but i wanna finish answering all these first
What book are you reading?: well ike 2468260820689, but i just finished (about an hour ago) You Dont Know Me (which is actaully Bret's book, its reallyy good)
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: happy, cold, havetogotothebathroom, feelinganticipation:wouldthatbe"anticipated?" hmm, oh and tight:like:havetostreachcuzi'msotight
Are you bored?: sorta, not really now that i have something to do



anyway yeah, there ya go! everything you wanted to knwo about me... almost. anything else just IM me. well i have to go to the bathroom just as bad as we want to see the pats win this football game. in other words totallyextremelyoverwhelminglyundescribibly bad. yeah. thats it.


with the need for a bathroom, more layers of socks, and anotehrcd to listen too cuz this ac/dc one is getting old,

RACHEL MILLER DAMMIT

Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would



WELL WELL WELL TODAY IS SUNDAY FUNDAY! OK SO, I'M AT MY DADS HUSE. INTERESTING STORY.


YOU SEE, MY PARENTS (WELL, DAN AND MY MOM) WENT AWAY SKIING FOR THE WEEKEND UP TO LOON IN NEW HAMPSHIRE. WELL, THEY LEFT FRIDAY AFTERNOON. SO, I SLEPT OVER MY BE'S HOUSE AND THAT WAS A BLASSTTTT. WELL, CUZ FRIDAY WENT WELL. FIINISHED FINAL.S IM WIIICKED HAPPY AND I THINK I DID REALLY WELL ON ALL OF THEM. GYM'S WAS EASY (TOOK THAT ON THURSDAY) CUZ LIKE.. WE GOT TO USE ALL OUR HAND-OUTS. SWEETTNESSS. WELL ON THAT SAME DAY I ALSO TOOK MY SPANISH FINAL. PIECE-OF-CAKE. (TALK ABOUT CAKE, I'M MAKING A DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE WITH MY NANA TODAY, IN A COUPLE MINUTES.. MORE SWEETNESS.. LITERALLY) OK SO ANYWAY, BACK TO FINALS. WELL ON FRIDAY I TOKO MY MATH ONE AND IM FEELIN' PRETTY GOOD ABOUT HAT ONE TOO. WICH IS WIERD CUZ MATH IS MY HARDEST SUBJECT... EVERRRRR. OK SO THEN AFTER THAT WE HAD TRACK. EASY WORKOUT DAY. UNBELIEVEABLY EASY. THEN ME, BE AND TINA ALL DROVE HOEM, WE DROPPED TINA OFF THEN WENT TO BE'S AND THEN HUNG OUT FOR A WHILE. THEN TINA SHOWED UP AND THAT WAS SOOOOO MUCH FUN. NANCY (BE'S MOM.. OR "JUDY" I GUESS LOL) WELL SHE BROUGHT HOME PIZZA; HAWAIAN, PEPPEROOOONIE, AND CHEESE. I TRIED HAWAIAN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.. IT WAS PUUURTY GOOD. WIERD THOUGH, I MEAN, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGH TO PUT HAM AND PINEAPPLE ON A PIZZA? NOT ME THATS FOR SURE. ANYWAY, SHE ALSO BROUGHT HOME NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. TILL THEN WE'D BEEN WATCHING THE FIRST HARRY POTTER. WHAT A MOVIE. I LPERSONALYL LOOEVO THOSE MOOVIES!!! ANYWAY SO WE WATCHED NAPOLEON CUZ ITS THE BEST WHILE WE ATE OUR HAWAIAN PIZZA (CEPT FOR TINA CUZ SHE DIDNT REALLY LIKE IT) AND LAUGHED ADN TALKED AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF. THEN THAT ENDED AND WE HUNG IN BES ROOM FOR LIKE EVER, AND WE READ TEEN HELP BOOKS. HAHA. SOOO MUCH FUN THOUGH. THERE WAS RELLY INSPIRING CHAPTER IN ONE OF THEM, ABOUT LIKE, WELL ITS HARD OT EXPLAIN, IT HAD A LOT TO DO ABUOT PSYCOLOGY THOUGH. [SMILE] MI AMOR. I DONO WHAT IT IS I JUST LIEK PSYCOLOGY I GUESS. THINKING AND EVERYTHING. WELL ANYWAY, THEN I FOUDN A J-14 MAGAZINE AND WENT THROUGH ALL ALL THE TESTS IN IT. WHICH I LOOOVOE DOING. WE FOUND OUT WHAT KIND OF KISSER WE WERE, AND WHAT FRAGRENCE WE WERE AND ALLL THAT JAZZ, STUFF THAT EVERYGIRL JUST HAS TO KNOW)HAHAH. I CANT REMEMEBR ANY OF THE ANSWERS, OH WELL. SO THEN NANCY CAME IN AND WAS LIKE "OMGOSH YOU GIRLS HAV ETO OG TO BED!" CUZ SHE THOUGHT IT WAS 11:30 BUT IT WAS REALLY ONLY 10:30 AND SHES LIKE "OH NVM THEN, BUT STILL GO TO BED SOON" SO WE HAD TO MOOVE LIKES TONNS OF STUFF AROUND IN BE'S ROOM, HAAH AND THEN TINA AND I PUT DOWN SLEEPING BAGS AND TALKED FOR A WHILE ABOUT LIKE, MIDDLE SCHOOLA ND TEACHERS AND STUFF, THAT WAS PRETTY COOL CONSIDERING I JUST LIEK TO TALK, ABOUT ANYTHING. THEN WE SLEPT. THE NEXT MORNING WE WOKE UP AROUND.... 10? 10:30.. SOMETHING LIEK THAT. BE TOOK A SHOWER, TINA PRETENDED TO SLEEP, AND I TALKED TO PEOPLE ONLINE FOR A WHILE. THEN LIKE.. RANDOMLY, NAT (TAN, NATALIE) DECIDEED TO INVADE AND WE ALL WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND ATE BRAKFAST. WHILE WE WEER EATING ALL THE FOOD IN THE HOUSE WE GOT THE HONOR OF WATCHING NAT GRACEFULLY DANCE AROUND THE LIVING ROOM WITH BOSTON. WELL, THATS NOT REALLY HOW IT WENT. YOU SE,E BOSTON WASNT DANCING WITH NAT, BUT BEING THE OPTIMISTIC PERSON SHE IS, NAT THOUGHT HE WAS. HAHA . SUCHHH FUN. TEHN NAT LEFT AND WE HAD A HALF HOUR TO GET READY FOR OUR TRACK MEET. (wooot woot!!!! wicked exciting!) AND THEN SO WE WENT UP STAIRS CHANGED GOT ALL OUR STUFF PACKED AND EVERYTHING. OF COURSE THAT MORNING MY HAIR DECIDED TO INGORE THE PRAYERS THAT IT WOULD YA KNOW.. BE FLAT. IT WAS LIEK "HECK IM NOT LISTENING TO YOU YOU STUPID PERSON I WANNA STICK UP TO THE SKY" SO I WASLIEK "PFT, FORET YOU" SO THEN WE WENT DOWNSTAIRS LOADED UP ALL TEH SNACKS NANCY HAD LAYED OUT ON THE TABLE FOR US AND GOT THE WATERBOTTLES THAT HAD OUR INITALSON THEM. BES MOMM IS WIICKED NICE... SHE WENT TO THE LIBERTY OF PUTING OUR INITALS ON THE WATERBOTTLES. NOW THATS SERVICE. ANYWAY, BES DAD LOU DROVE US TO THE SCHOOL AND THEN I HAD TO RUN DOWN TO THE LOCKERS TO GET MY SHOES, WHICH I DID, ADN THEN WE WENT ON AN HOUR ONG BUS RIDE. MY DAD CAME TO THE TRACK MEEETTT!!!!!! YESSS!!!! I WAS WIIIIICKED EXCITED!! IT WAS AT THE REGGIE LOUIS CENTER (WEIRD HOW THEY NAMED A TRACK PLACE AFTER A CELTICS BASKETBALL PLAYER WHO DIED OF A COCAINE OVERDOSE) BUT ANYWAY, EVERYONE CHEERED ADN EVERYING. AND WE ALL MARVELED AT HOW MANY TOWNS AND TEAMS ADN PEOPLE THERE WERE. craaaayzayy. SO THEN AFTER THE MEET (I RAN WITH SHARON, TINA, AND MARSAL IN THE SHUTTLE DASH AND BE RAN IN THE SHUTTLE DASH WITH JAMIE, MEGAN, AND SOMEONEELSEWHOMIAMTOTALLYBLANKINGOUTONTHIERNAME) AND THEN MY DAD AND I LEFT AND WENT TO HIS HOUSE IN SWAMPSCOTT. WE ATE SANDWICHES AND PIZZA AND IT WAS YUMMYYY AND WATCHED THE NEWS WICH WAS, AS USUALL, DEPRESSING. BUT WE ALSO WATCHED SOMEONE ABOUT SOMEONE JOHNSON. A BLACK BOXER. GOSH WAS THAT A GOOD DOCUMENTARY. I LOOE DOCUMENTARYS. I DONO WHY, I JUST DO. THEN I WENT UP STAIRS WHEN IT WAS REALLLY LATE AFTER FALLING ASLEEP ON THE COUCH FOR A WHILE. AND I READ. AND READ. AND READ. AND READ. THEN I WAS LIKE "HMM I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED NOW" SO I DID. BUT GOSH WAS IT HARD TO PUT THAT BOOK DOWN. I WOOK UP THIS MORNIN' AND WAS LIEK "HOLY CRAP IT SNOWED ALOT" SO CURRENTLY MY DAD AND PAPA ARE OUTSIDE SHOVELING THE 3 FEET TALL SNOW DRIFTS OUT OF TEH DRIVEWAY. HAHA. NIIICE. AND IM INSIDE COMFORTABLE. I WANNA GO MAKE A DEVILS FOOD CAKE [SMILE]. SO I THINK I'LL GO DO THAT.

OH YEAH AND IM STUCK IN SWAMPSCOTT TONGIHT CUZ THE ROADS ARE SO BAD. IT A GOOD THING I DONT HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW! CUZ I WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO ANYWAY.


LIKE NAPOLEON SAYS: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.


OK WELL, TTYLATERRRR GATORRR..



WITH THE NEED TO STAY IN SWAMPSCOTT OVER NIGHT TONIGHT, THE WANT TO MAKE A CAKE, AND THE ANTICIPATION FOR THE CLASSES OF NEXT SEMEMSTER,

RACHEL E. MILLER.

ever hate someone so much you just want to kill them?

god. i mean honestly. god. i just can't stand dan anymore. hes being such a fucking asshole... it's times like these when i wonder why my mom married him. i wanna go live with my dad and never ever have to see dans stupid rude face again. ever. never ever. he is suuuuuch a biiiitch. i mean, honestly, he gets all worked up about NOTHING. i mean, they dont talk, they argue. i think when they argue, they argue more about what the other person said! so, i got a phone call from my mom a couple minutes ago and shes like "can you go downstairs and make some dinner for you and your sisters?" and i was like "umm.. ok." and shes like "and try to stay out of his way" (his, meaning dan's) and i was like "where are you?" and she said "well, dans said 'get the fuck out of here,' so i did, i just had to get out of the house." WHAT AN ASSSSSSHOLE. i mean, even when people are mad, do they have to say stuff like that to their spouse, IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS?? fuck off, i ust want to kill you. i mean, i don't need a step dad anyway. i love my dad. fredrick lance miller jr. i looove him to death. and i hate dan to death, so go die. i hate them fighting and they do it ALL the time. i don't even know why hes so mad! probably cuz he knows we're all better than him and that hes never giht about anything, but can't admit to it. god. what a SGLKKXSRK! i don't wanna have to fucking cry every time they get into a fight, i dont care if he yells at me, but like.. my mom is liek my world and i can't stand hearing him yell at her and stuff. wtffffff. i hope they get divorced, i've been talking to her about it but she laughs it off. she doesn't know how much i hate him. so i went downstairs and tried to make dinner, i was gonna make ramen noodles but figured thatd be a bad moveconsidering dan would be liek "YOU'RE GETTING THE FUCKING STOVE DIRTY" so i decided to make sandwiches instead. when i was taking out the stuff hes like "what are you doing?" and i was like "making sandwiches for me demitra and erica" and hes like "who told you to do that" (as if im not capable of coming up with it by myself, and hes obviously assuming it was my mom who told me too, but i don't let him know) so i say "well, we're all hungry and i figured it'd be easy enough to make sandwiches" and hes like "NOT YET" so i was like "when are we eating?" and he goes "I SAID NOT YET." he scares the fucking hell out of me sometimes, i mean.. he really does. this is why i don't like people coming over my house; because they have to meet him. thanks god, for giving me a fucking asshole as a step dad. thanks a lot. and its not like this happens rarely. it happens ALL THE TIME. he is soo sexist. he argues about the tinyist stuff too, like when i leave my shoes out he gets sooo pissed. or when i forget to replace a bag in one of our (many) trash barrels around the house, he looses his mind. what a fag.

i'm just gonna go cry and i probably wont update later. i'll study for finals too, and then pack for be's house.


i cannot wait to get out of here and stay over at be's!! i mean like.. thers only 21 more hours, 1 minute, and 43 seconds left untill i'm over her house. thats how excited i am.
im counting down the minutes.

well tomorrow after school be and i are goin to chill in the library again. i sooo need to do my journal entries.


well, blah, i'm just in a really crappy mood.

with hate for her (FUCKING) step father, love for her real father, and a math final tomorrow that she knows she'll do horribly on,

r. e. m.

I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
so much more aware


have you ever felt like you just have to cry? to just let it all out because your going to blow up? we'll i'm blowing up right now. the folling nonsense is my explosion. i advise you now that what your are going to read ( if you chose to) is me complainging baout mylife and being depressed, so turn back now.



i jsut don tknow what im doing. i have so many emotions right now and i dont know where they are coming from. at all. now, before i begin, i'll have you know this is not pms or anything, its just me trying to come to terms with a series of unfortunate circumstances. this is me sober and just, being myself, not from some monthly thing. i'm just being honest. about a month ago i found abotu about some things that haunted me. to this day i cant stop thinking about it. im not going to say anything, but in two days tomorrow it'll be exactly one month ago. but have you ever felt like you know someone really well? you just know them. you kmnow what they like. what they hate. no secrets, hands down, KNOW them. know who they are, how the y feel, how they think. and then you just get an idea of how they're supposed to be in your head. youhave these expectations, and they are completely fair because you made the expectations afer you got to know them. so its ok. irts alright to assume things and everything. but then you find out about things? things that you dont care for. things you cant understand or even comprehend. and you wonder who this person REALLY is. i mean, if you have and idea and find out theres more, it completely shatters EVERYTHING. you dont know who they are anymore. you THOUGHT you knew.and its not like, sometihng NEW. its that they;ve been like this all along and you never knew aboutit., if it was sudden that that'd be differnt. but to realize thats theres MORE, is just... devastating. and then you tak einto consideration what the secret eally IS. and that makes it all the more complicated. someing bad. gross. wierd. uncomfortable. yet, is it fair to change them? because like i said, this is not new, this is them, just a kayer that you had never uncovered untill now. is it fair to them to just come in and stopthem from doing something, to stop them from feeling a certain way? i want to be able to feel comfortable around people. everyone does! its jut the human way. i want to feel like i can trust this person, that i know i can confide in them ANYTHING. that i know things about them, the good and the bad. but i dont want to know about this. or do i? im a hypocrite, i want to know everything, but not this. i want you to be youself, but i dont want you to be like that. the question is.. what do i do? do i la out my guildlines before them? do i say "this is what i like, this is what i dont"? i have a big problem with trying to change people. because if you cvant tell form my other netries, i try to stress for people to be themself. and if some people don tike it, then deal with it. im very passionate about this topic. i feel very strongly that people should be themselves no matter WHAT. that they shouldnt care what other people think. that is why i feel like i have no control, i dont have the right to do anything about this. i can't tell you about it. i'm too.. well.. i just can't. it would KILL other people. i just would. and i would be the blame. but i jsut dont knwo what yto do. tell me now, say you have a list of pros and cons. and theres about 20 things on the pros side, and abut 10 on the cons side. thats a good thing right? however, on the cons side are you greatest pet peeves, things that you are not comfortable with, things that you never picstured this person to have anything to do with. do those few cons over rule all of those pros? i mean.. really.. do you just look at numbers, or do you look at the context. really examine things. and if you do decide that this is nothte kind of person you want to be close with, or feel comfortable with, do you leave them? or do you suck it up and deal with it? do you compromise? compromise... such an interesting concept. take the good with the bad. this is what i talk about. take the good people with the bad. the good chioces with the regretfull ones. but now that i think about it, and feel like really complaing and crying, which i am currently doing, i realize how retarted all of this sounds. why the fucking hell do itry to preach and share my ideas when i myself am a hypocrtie? i dont understand myself anymore. do i want world pease/ or do i want ot give up? i want ot give up. i dont want to have to put myself throught his anymore. if this is myself doubting the ideas that i so frequently feel, then how are the people feeling that NEVER udnerstand my ideas? i must seem like a total nutcase to them/ i am a total nutcase. there you have it. i have no idea what i wan tin life, where i want it from, who i want it from, or why i want it. or why i dont want it, or dont knwo what i want. i wish i could just have a clear moment in my head for 2 seconds. thats al i ask. i hate feeling like i have to look out for everyone. i mean.. they have other friends. they have family. they have things that are nesecary! why do i feel like i have to be there for support? why? because i... i don't know. i just don't. and i dont like this whole notknowingwhatsgoingonorhowievenFEEL thing. i dont like it at all. but in order to figrue things out i need TIME. i need space. but i cant do this on my own. i need my friends. i dont want to hear some of thier opinions.. i dont want to hear " i dont know what you should do." if i just poured my heart and soul otu to you i expect a littl more than a "good luck with your prblems." i need a hug. a kiss. a ANYTHING. i dont even KNOW what i need. heck, do i even need any of this? am i mistaking it for what i want? i cant believ ei am doubting myself again. this always happens. you'd neve rknow though. i dont like for people to know when i feel down; so why the hell am i telling you all of this? omg. i should just earse alll of this right now. everyone is totalyl going to think i amcrazy. there just going to think im insane. ihave to stop this. omg i so have to stop this. but then again.. since when do i care what people think? omg i hate this fusking indecision. wtf is WRONG. i dont want to go away because i will miss everyone. but i'm sick of everyone too! even those closest to me. i am so not going to get a psyciatrist. no more of those. of yeah i guess you didnt know, i have one in sixth grade. SUPRISE. im not so perfect. i cry. i have mood swings. i hate you and i love you at the same time. i have indecision. i have no friends that know everything about me. i have people that think they know everything about me, yet they dont. and they dont knwo that. and i feel guilty. but if i say they dont knwo everything that doesnt mean im going to tell them anything they dont knwo alreadyk, so bcasicalyl they know everything they ever will know. sure people know little pieces of me. i'll dish out things every once and a while. but no one knows the whole story. and i hate that. i hate how i feel ike i cant tell people stuff. i hate every last feeling of sadness and depression and frustration that i ever had and do have. i know so many people that deserve to knwo things about me. but i just cant bring myself to do it/ is it cuz i think theyre not trustworthy? no.. thats not it. i lvoe them all. so why cant i talk to them? why cant i tell them what is really going on. im, not supposed ot care what they think of me, so why cant i scream it out at the top of my lungs. what is holding me back? indecision. the root of everything. every fucking thing in my fucking life. wow i dont usualyl swear like this. i hate swearing. its not because of the words and everything, its becuase i am a REALY emotional person and when people swear i feel really really uncomfortable because i am afraid of other peoples emotions. i am someone who is afraid of going in. but i love peopel feeling liek they can tell me anything; because tey can. because i can realte to eeeryone. every single person there is. i know death. pain. beauty. pressure. problems. feelings. sensativity. divorice. disease. i know the feeling of suicide. i have given up and lost hope so many times in my life it is unbelieveable. uncomprehensible. and i dont ever want to revist those times. those times where i didn't have any friends. any grades. anyone who knew anything, not even one thing about who i really was. and i was so sick of trying to be someone else that i didnt know who i was. i didnt even know my PAST. i mean, you should know about things shouldnt you? and i try to be strong, i really do, i try to be strong for myself. and i try to be strong for other people. but im just not. i overestimate how much i can take. and just laod it on. its my own fault. no ones elses and i KNOW it. i just do. is it because i want people toi like me? i want peopel to think of me a certain way? as a carefree, optimistic, trustworthy person? i DONT KNOW. i thought i didnt want tobe looked at a certain way! iu thought i didnt CARE about things. but now i am not so sure. i just want to fall asleep and never ever wake up again, but neveer have that feeling of regret or of loss. i know all of this is impossible. i know it is. i feel like such a pessimist right now. i am a pessimist. ok, enough of that "i feel" "i am" shit. im sick of it. ugh. im so sick of myself. god i canty belive i am ACTUALYL COMPLAINING! where the hell did this come from? everyting i write frusterates me even more because even if i think about things fir a while, i neverknow how to explain them, and espress things. and that kills me. its killing me. softly. slowly. painfully. everything with a LY at he end. thats how it is. i knwo people feel this way too. i just do. i udnerstand you. buti dont fee like you understand me, even when you say you do.




i have to go die. actually, sorry, i am dead. i died the minute i felt frusterated with myself. well, so then i actually am going to go pray to a god that im not even sure if i believe in because he puts me through this misery.

thank you for thinking you understand me. well, actually maybe you do understand what i tell you. i mean, you dont understnad ME cuz im not good and explainging myself. maybe you understand the person i present myself as. but no, not me. never me

with reoccuring frusterating thoughts, secretly knowing shes insane, and 8 cuts from her fucking razor yesterday while she was shaving,

rachel ihatemyselfcurrently miller.

and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
and all you touch and all you see
is all your life will ever be.

now, im not saying "be greedy." im saying "take advantage of what you have." precisley.

"the smiles you'll give and tear you'll cry." the smiles you give. give smiles. i makes other peoples days! say your having a horrible day, nothings gone right. then suddenly someone who you think doesn't even know you exists.. smiles at you! and you know for one second, that you crossed their mind. we like being looked at. we like attention, good attention that is. when other people smile, that means they;re happy right? so if someone smiles at you, you made them happy. tears you'll cry. girls and boys, you have to take the good witht he bad. plus, its always good to cry. relieve some of that stress. carefully remove that giant load of anxiety off your back. if you never cry, then you'll be miserable. crying, people think, means that people are sad or depressed or miserable. wrong. i mean, sure you may feel at that momeny sad or whatnot, but if you never cry, you'll feel worse. if youre always smiling and never cry then you end up botteling stuff up inside of you. not a good thing. never a good thing. and if your' always crying then you ever undestand or get to expierce how good oyu feel after wards. after you cry, the first laugh you make is golden. when you laugh for the first time after feeling down a feeling of accomplishment should overcome you. you should think "that felt good, im glad i let that out because if i didn't then this wouldn't be a sincere laugh, i would still be pretending to be ok." its golden. its important. you should cry as many times as you lagh to really be balanced. or at least, thats how i look at it.

"all you touch and all you see." experience. your not going to be open to as many oppurtunites in you life... ever. so take your chances with things. its not just because you'll have exciting stories to tell, its because of how you feel in that exact moment when you think "im reallly doing this." get goosebumps. its that feeling of excitment and exhileration and apprehention all rolled into one. all rolled into you. into your heart. and your mind. you're feeling things you just can't even begin to explain. but you know your feeling them. touch. process. see. watch. trtavel to paris to see the eifell tower just to experience that breathtaking moment when you stand under and realize you cant tip your neck back far enough to have the top in sight. travel to africa to run your finger along the neck of a tiger. a real one. just to experience that texture on your finger tips, and have control over the fierce animal. you will never learn anyhting if you dont take chances and experience things. i sut wont. sure people can tell you stories but those are thier stories. not yours. if anything, your story is that they told you a stroy. and thats all you have. someone elses memory. what god is that? you have to be in their shoes to catch the full effect. then you think "now i understand." understanding is a very good thing my friends.

"is all your life will ever be." life is not judged on how much money you make, because moeny is a matial that comes and goes. it is how far you will travel to live. the distance you will go to learn. your angle to strive for success. how hard you push yourself. how many times you ever help another person. how many lives you save. not how many lives you take away. you take away a someones something when you have thier money. maybe its their dinner, or a new pair of shoes, maybe it's their hope. that is why you cannot measure how good a life was with money. because the more you have, the less someone else has. easy as that. dollar bills travel all over the world. that $5 bill in your wallet could have been in the hands of a queen in Europe at one time. it could have been on a cruise ship down in the carribean at one time. it has a stroy. you need a story. travel. travel with that bill so it may have another place on its history record. everything oyu do either takes away points or adds points to your life. your decisions. your feelings. every time you feel greed you lose one point. every time you feel jelous you lose two points. every time you feel insecure, you lose three points. every time you lose a life, you lose however many points that life had gained. perople strive for succes, and if they do their best, they earn more than can be imagined. if you rid of this life, you lose however many points they had gained from all their hardwork. its simple once you realize it. thats why you hve to always be trying to reach the top. higher than the top of the mountian. build yourself a ladder on top of mount everest. go higher. farther. motavate yourself. because you might never know when you put someone down. sincerily smiling at somone gets you ten points. pretending to smile does nothing. it does nothing for oyu and for the other person because they know, they can sense if its real. and thers no point in pretending to smile. do as much as you can and dont waste time. just dont. if you do you;ll regret it. be your best. not the best. your best. because trying to be the best is stressful, and unhealthy. being your best is satisfying.

and thats my sermon for the day. i love trying to pass on my knowledgfe to people. im really looking into being some kind of social worker. or psyciatrist. or something. i dont know exactly. i want to help. any questions comments or concerns feel free to contact me. sn = sweetxcharadex .

yees yes. today is the day of the semi! kerry lerry and cristina are coming over at about four. fun times ahead girlies! i awoke about 8 this morning adn the first thing i did was make brownies. yup. im bring them to the school soon. in about 20 miniutes.



eww , erica ust turned on some retarted radio station. im sorry. i dont mean to insult. i just dont like rap. rap crap. i thinkits vulger, "playas" "gangsta" those are not labels to be proud of! you lose 3 points. news flash; girls dont like "playas." only if they are sluts or prostitutes. they don't like "gangstas" eitehr because gangs are dangerous. violent./ bloodshed. no way josay. SUPRISE. all you thought is really wrong... how do you feel?

>:0.

are you getting any of this? im sorry. maybe im like, moving to fast. i ahve to slow down. except its just hard to physically slwo down when mat=ntally im moving at about 800 mph. i really hope you all undertstand how i feel about things. being intellectual, because if you are not, then you'll mis out on things that im trying to say. im want to help put your minds into perspective and i want ot be successful. i'm helping. or at least, trying to. i hope you take some time to understan what i write because i want you to truley understand where i'm coming from. im sorry for you if you think what i write is a big jumble an dis sheer nonsense. maybe it really is.


i'm slowly teaching you themeaning of life. as of right now i don't know what it is. to help others. to live like youre going to die tomorrow. to care about yourself and others equally. to not take life to seriously, but to take it well as it comes. donate. give advice. support. smile.


i'm tierd, all of this preaching is giving me a headache. i may update later, but i probably wont. just being truthful! oh yeah, thats another one, always tell the truth.you get no points for it, because its expect of you, but if you lie then you lose 3.

love you dearly!
with about 100,000 things running through my mind speeding at about 800 mph, and less anticipation for the semi than i had anticipated,

rach.

Who'll walk across the fire for you
I'm the only one
Who'll drown in my desire for you
It's only fear that makes you run
The demons that you're hiding from
When all your promises are gone
I'm the only one




ahh something is wrong with me. i am like.. going insane.. literally. and its driving me insane. gosh. like, i can't stop correcting peopls grammer. wtf? sicne when do i are how other people talk? and i noticed that i'm like.. controllling other people. telling them what to do and what not to do. slap me. .please. i know what i do it. but like, i dont think about it until its way to late and the other person is probably thinking "wow she's such a bitch." ahhhh. and like, i cant concentrate at alllll. and i cant memorize anything. i have 2 spanish tests tomorrow. i don't even know what they're on. wtf. ahhh i dono what to do. gosh. i just want to fall asleep for a long long itme and wake up and be ten years older, done with high school, done with college, and have a high paying job, a family, no kids please (too stressful) and be relativley popular, have people know my name who i dont know. thats all i'm asking. is it too much?


i'll update later

no wait.. i'm updating right now. why not just finish the job now? ahhh INDECISION IS KICKING IN. kicking me in butt is more like it. gosh.


ok. so, track has been going good. hit my leg on the hurtle yesterday. woke up this morning and my leg hurt like hell. the one i hit that is. and yesterday i also failed a math quiz. probably. as well as everyone in the class. mrs.manos was being a bit of a bitch,practuically calling us all stupid. she wa slike "we've been studying this, its not like you've never seen the materail before, youve known about this quiz, you have a notecard and you could have written anythin on it, i dont know why you are are having so much trouble, the questions are easy, they are simple, i didnt put hard questions on here, if youre not getting this then theres something wrong, this is an honors calss" i mean.. she couldnt have made me feel more like i could cry. like, i was really holding back tears in her clas, especially when i went to hand it to her and shes like "i cant accept work like this, you're not finished left, there are all these problems (points at 3 (out of 10) problems)that you havent even tried." havent even tried/ excuse me? do you see all those earase marks? i dont know what the hell im supposed to do, thats why there not done. duh. i'd do them if i could/ its notliek i'm TRYING to fail her class. and anna cornachio made a good point. way to go! (not sarcasm) i really really apreacite her sticking up for us all saying TO HER FACE "we're trying to do good, but we just dont understand it as well as you think we do, i personally think these are really hard (i agree) and if we're not getting it then we should spend some time going over everything, cuz we just dont get the materail, instead of rushing off trying to finish a bunch of stuff." THANK YOU. thats what i felt like saying, but passive me, i sat there and listened. coloring on the back of my test. take that mrs.manos. shows how much i care. i care about my grade. i dont care for a test that has materail we dont understand on it. at all. blah. whatever. im just.. mad. i dono, somethigns wrong with me.


bes back! yes she is! and shes feeling better. she wasnt a track today though. oh well. tomorrow maybe?




saturday is the semi formal. i dont knwo why im not as excited as i usually am before a dance. im usually like, out of my mind extatic, but this tiem its like "blah, do i have to go?" but yes. i do have to. i wanted too. maybe like, on sturday morning i'll get realyl rexcited. but then again.. ten dollars for a ticket? wth? i dont have any money. and yet i hav eto pay my dues. and pay for my track jacket (YESSSSSS IM SO EXCITED!!! (NOT SARCASM)) and blah. i have no money. well, actually thats not true. i have 300 dollars. cept im pretending i dont cuz i dont want to spend it. any of it. its going to my car. well, my future car. a ford thunderbird or a nissan xterra. blue thunderbird. idonowhatcolor xterra. yup yup. thats the plan. but im never gonna be able to afford one if i spend my money!. watever. ill just get a job. which i want really bad but have no time for. working. earning money. those word stimulate the "ka ching" sound in my head every time they;re said.



oh yeah, that song at the beginning.. one of my favorites. melissa ethridge. i think thats how you spell her last name. off her cd "yes i am melissa." well, as if that could get any more straight foward. how bout "yes i am rachel." yes, rachel is I. hmm...

anyway i have homework and i want to watch the beatles movie again. its called "The Beatles, The First U.S. Visit. veerrrry cool. i've already seen it, but its good so i wanna watch it again.


bye now!

with insanity, a love for the beatles, an insane math teacher, and a hurting leg,

rachel <3<3

we all have a need for a reality check.

i mean, seriously.

a serious reality check.

i just finished reading boog's entry. powerful if i say so myself, which i do.
a part that i was moved by, was when she wrote "because being blessed with all these things that we have is a privaldge" even if she did spell it wrong.

she is totally right. and you know it.

congratulations america, you have just won the grand prize for being the most materialistic, rich, lazy, stuck up country in the world. how do you feel?

guilty? shameful? disgusted? embarrased? yeah... that's what i thought. we have to respect what we have. because if we dont respect it, then it is usless. either respect it, or let it go and send your good luck to someone who NEEDS it. we are greedy. if we want it, then we get it. by any means nesacerry. however, not exactly by any means. if it doesn't take too much effort, thats when we go for the gold. if it's out of reach and you're not flexible, then forget it. be flexible. be flexible with your mind and your spirit and our thoughts. think for once that you really can do anything, just like they told us in kindgergarden.

actually, let's go back to kindergarden for a second. when they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, what did we say? vet. doctor. teacher. artist. astronaut. we said these things because at age six, we were optimists. however when we got a taste of drama and saddness, we became pessimists. our pessimist selves began closing doors as the years went on. now, highschool students, our jobs are waitresses, fast food servers, babysitters, and pizza place workers. now, i am not saying for one second that these are lowly jobs. however, this is not the road we intended to be on when we were five and six year olds. if our kindergarden self were to say their opinion on our actions, what do you think they'd say? they would be crushed. their innocent, naieve minds would not be able to handle such a concept. this concept being that people loose hope and let their dreams swim around in the gutter. here we are, pitying ourselves when we bring upon our misery by giving into stress and anxiety and pressure. when we were little, we were blessed with an outlook on life that was clean, fresh, pure. whats your outlook right now? i hear to ofton storys of how a teen hates their mother or father for sheltering them or forbidding them to do things. why do you think they do this? our parents try to shelter us from the evil the world, not from the good. they don't want us to grow up to nothing. they have our dreams. those dreams that we lost hope in are still locked into thier minds. they know us as excited, happy, laughing six year olds who knew exactly what they wanted in life. they wanted to be happy. to be known. however, this greed for happyness turned us into dark unappreciate souls and has stretched into shaky terratory. now we want to be popular. because we feel the only way we will be happy is if we have everyones attention. sure we may not get the same kind of attention as we did when we were in kindergarden, but that does not mean that we dont get the attention. we want good, cool clothes. the only good, cool clothes are worn by the popluar people. if we wear the clothes we get the looks. to get the clothes we have to get the money. fall back on the parents just as we did before. we are using our youngminded ways to get what we want. we are smart. forceful. demanding. our parents want what is best for us. and when the opinions collide, so do insults and threats. we know it too. we know we can't depend on our parents forever. we have to live. but we cant live without happiness. we can't possibly live without the popularity, the cool clothes, the perfecty guy. of course not. being happy and carefree and simlpe is just... unheared of. look around you. we're having a crisis. look at you. look the mirrior. are you happy with what you see? are happy being stared at and judged by your own self? what are you unhappy with? your hair? your cheeks? your eyeshadow? your lipstick? no, those are perfect because you use the best of the best hair supplies and acne cream and makeup. you have to, or else you wouldn't get the attention. then why are you so sad? why do you feel liek you have to turn away, you can't bear to look at that pretty face of yours? is it because you know all of the pain and suffering that goes on behind that mask? that perfect mask of yours hides what you want, but holds the truth back. after being held back for so long, the truth just slips away. you forget who you are. who your friends are... or were. what can we do about this? are oyu happy not having your old life? you've completely changed your lifestyle to fit the likings of someone who doesn't even know you. people are cruel. they take advantage of the insecure. you are insecure. and you know it. you're frightened. are these people really your friends? will they be there for you through thick and thin? are you sure of this? you are risking everything. your happyness, your grades, your friendships, your relationships, your life. you are risking your life. risking your life is like handing someone your heart and saying "i don't care about what you do with this." your heart and soul. your spirt. mind. body. emotions. you are just asking to get in trouble. how does it feel to be in constant fear of someone finding the truth about who you really are. someone uncovering a path of lies that's never ending. how would you feel, if you were the person to uncover the lies of a "best friend"? a lifetime of untruthful promises, just waiting to end up in the gutter with all your lost dreams. i've just uncovered the emotions and concious sadness hiding behind that mask of yours. you're not alone you know, everyone tries to please and be pleased. shame, would be thinking your the only one. which you're not. nothign to be afria dof except for now, you know that some people jsut aren't going to liek you for who you are. and that's ok. you don't need all eyes on you. sure, a few or more would be nice. but not everyone. plus living int he spot light leads to insanity. perfectionism. eating disorders. stress. depression. so why take the risk int he first place? srue everyone does anyway, even if they do knwo the possible consequences in advance. it's like gambling, only instead of with money, it's with your happyness. i know plenty of poor people who are happy with what they have. because they don't feel like they have to have anything more, because it would be usless. why try to make youreslf more happy with the risk of dissapointement, when you're perfectly content? my friends, gambeling is not only in Las Vegas, but also in your mind. we gamble all the time. we bet. we lose. we win. but when you win, do you add to your collection? or do completely forget about all you had and begin a new life? do you leave your friends to fend for themselves when you just hit the jacpot? or do you bring them along for the ride of your lives? do you forget those most loyal to you because you plan to begin a new life? why rid of somethin that is constant. constant support, constant friendships, constant laughter. constant love. isn't that what we want? to be loved? to be appreciated? why be appreciated for something you aren't? they don't appreciate you. they appreciate your money. your clothes. your cars. your friends. you looks. but they do not appreciate you becaues they don't know you. why risk getting to know someone when they could be secretly insecure. they could be weak. they could be usure of everything. but ehy are our hearos. adn we want nothing to spiol that image, so we chose not to get to know them. we need stability in our lives. we can't handel people close to us not being alright. we need them to be ok.a nd to avioud the chance that they aren't, we refuse to let ourselves to get close to them.

i want you to think about this.
think carefully
and thoughtfully
think with not only your mind
but with your needs and wants
trust me on this. you'll ge it.


goodnight my friends, forever and always.
miss rachel.

we all look the same
>counting crows >round here



interesting isnt it? how we all express our individuality by dressing exactly the same? shopping at the same stores (the cool stores) because we all want to be looked upon as cool. yet, how are we supposed to decifer who is and who isn't if we're all teh same. so why try if you're not going to be noticed anyway? or is it that that's the point, to try and erase the caste system. who knows. anyt houghts or opinions, feeel free to tell me because i'd loove to know what the heck is really going on.

so anyway, today is a now day! the first of the year i believe. well, school year. because the year year is really only six days. but still i guess it works either way. anyway, i'd love to hang out with somebody today, but all people want to do is catch up on sleep. oh come on now. don't waste the day away.

so, boog and i are trying to get together to come up with something for miss jenny saetangs birthday, which, in case you didnt know is on sunday!!! happy birthday in a few days to JENNAAYYY. and her chinease birthday is this month too! like.. the 21 or 22 or something like that. i sorta forget. but i wrote it down somewhere.

so we're trying out that new net flix thing, ya know where they mail you the movie on dvd and then you mail it back once you're done watching it. the grabber: NO LATE FEES. we still have movies out from like... october. oopsyyy. so anyway we got our first one! its HIDALGO. mi amour. i must go watch it right now. right this second.



so, i hope everyone enjoy's their snow day, and perhaps gives me a call so tomorrow i'll have an interesting stroy tell about how i spent my day (rather than just saying i watched a movie). well, actually, seeing as though HIDLAGO is the alltime best movie in the entire world, i guess it enough to say that thats all i did all day. wow, that was like, a really really big conclusion paragraph for someone who like, cant think at all right now.


with a very very small mind capacity in the mornings, and love for the movie Hidalgo,
Miss Rachel






p.s. yesterday when i went to dance class, my teacher told me she had something in her fridge for me, and she hopes that it's still good. what could she possibly have? i'm guesssing it's something for all the assistants because they were there when she said i had to wait till next week to find out cuz thats when shes going to bring it (if she remembers) and they're like "oh i know what it is." and no one will tell me. blah. i wicked wicked wantt o know and she better not forget it next week cuz i dont know how long i can take this anticipation. ok, so, what are you're guesses? i really don't have a clue, like, at all.

IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING, PLEASE BEGIN READING AT "DETAILS ABOUT MY ALMOST A WEEK LONG SKI TRIP" WHICH IS TWO ENTRIES DOWN, THEN AFTER YOU'VE CONCLUDED READING THAT ENTRY, GO TO THE ENTRY ABOVE IT (THE ONE JUST BELOW THIS ENTRY) AND READ THAT ALL THE WAY THROUGH. I AM IN THE FINAL STAGES OF LETTING YOU KNOW HOW MY ALMOSTAWEEKLONG SKI TRIP WENT, AND I ADVISE YOU TO BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE? OH YES,

SATURDAY>DAY 5>THE FIRST OF THE NEW YEAR
WELL, I REMEMBER WAKING UP EARLY, WATCHING SOMEMORE DRAGON TALES, AND PAINFULLY EATING SOME PANCAKES. NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, BUT THE PANCAKES WERE ACTUALLY GOOD, IN FACT, THEY WERE DELICIOUS, HOWEVER THE PAIN COMES IN WHEN I TRIED TO MOVE MY ARM HOLDING THE FORK (MY LEFT) FROM TABLE LEVEL, TO MYMOUTH LEVEL. COUCHES.... PFT. AFTER A FANTASTIC BREAKFAST, I GOT ALL LAYERD UP, AS WELL AS THE REST OF MY ABNOXIOUS FAMILY, AND WE HIT THE SLOPES. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, THE SNOW THAT DAY... UNBELIEVEABLE. IT WAS ABSOLUTLEY PERFECT. SO BRISK. SO FRESH. AHH. SO, I DID A COUPLE RUNS, FUN FUN FUN! I WAS WITH DAN MOST OF THE TIME, BECAUSE MY MOM AND DEMITRA WERE GOING SLOW THAT DAYL, JUST, FOR SOME REASON. AND THEN ERICA WAS OFF AT A LESSON... A SNOWBOARDING LESSON. GOSH ERICA, WAY TO JUST DITCH THE ENTIRE FAMILY AND OUR BELIEFS. I DONT KNOW WHERE SHE GOT THE IDEA. I'M TOTALLY GUESSING THAT IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT LOTS OF TEENAGERS SNOWBOARD.. THAT IT MAKES YOU "COOL." YOU SEE, ERICA IS VERY MUCH A FOLLOWER , OR AT LEAST THATS WHAT SHE SEEMS LIKE TO ME, SO SHE DECIDED THAT IF YOUR A TEENAGER, YOU SHOULD SNOWBOARD, NOT SKI. (SHES TWELVE, WHAT MORE COULD YOU EXPECT). BY THE END OF THE WEEK I WAS TIERD OF HER ANYWAY, WITH HER WHOLE "I'M ALL THAT" ATTITUDE, THERE IS NO DENYING THAT ATTITUDE, EVERYONE (EVEN STRANGERS) COULD SEE IT. BUT ANYWAY, ENOUGH TRASHING MY LITTLE STEP SISTER. LETS JUST SAY, IT WAS NOT A LOSS HAVING HER OUT ON HER OWN FOR A WHILE, MORE OF "A BREATH OF FRESH FRESH FRESH AIR." OK SO ANYWAY, BY MIDDAY DAN HAD CONVINCED ME TO GO ON LOWER FLUME, A TRAIL ON THE NORTH PEAK SIDE OF LOON MOUNTIAN. IT WAS ACTUALLY FUN, TOUGH THOUGH, LIKE, BY THE END YOUR LEGS WERE BURNING FROM WORKING SO HARD. BUT ANWAY, HE'S LIKE "OH HEY LETS GO ON THAT AGAIN, I LIKED THAT TRAIL." AND SO WE SKIED. WELL, SORT OF. HE SKIED. I HALF SKIED HALF ROLLED DOWN THE MOUNTIAN. HAHA, IT ACTUALLY WASNT THAT FUNNY. SO IM SKIING ALONG RIGHT? NIGHT AND PEACEFUL, WELL, AS PEACEFUL AS YOU CAN BE WHEN YOUR LEGS ARE TREMBELING AND OTEHR SKIERS ARE FLYING PAST YOU. I DIDN'T MIND THAT TOUGH. I WASN'T ABOUT TO BREAK MY NECK ANYTIME SOON BY GOING TO FAST AND LIKE, WHIPPING INTO A TREE. NOPE, NOT MY PLAN. SO, AS I SAID, I WAS SKIING NICE AND PEACEFUL AND GOT MYSELF INTO A RYTHEM, TURN, STRAIGHT, CURVE, TURN, STRAIGHT, CURVE, TURN, STRAIGHT... A NICE LITTLE SONG I ENJOYED SINGING TO MYSELF. WELL I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT HAPPENED EXACTLY, BUT I DO KNOW THAT SOMETHING DEFINETALLY HAPPENED BECAUSE USUALLY, WHEN I SKI, I DONT FIND MYSELF WATCHING THE SKY GO AROUND AND AROUND. I WAS FALLING. FALLING, MORE AS IN A "ROLLING" SENSE. SO I ROLLED, ADN I JUST GAVE UP FIGHTING IT WHICH IN SOME CASES WOULD HAVE MADE IT WORSE. SO I JUST RELAXED AND LET MYSELF FALL. HAHA. I MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT NOT TRYING TO SAVE MYSELF. I DIDN'T REALLY CARE THOUGH, I HAD ALREADY MADE CONTACT (WHICH HURT ENOUGH) SO THERE WASN'T MUCH WORSE IT COULD GET. WELL YOU SEE FOLKS, THIS PARTICULAR TRAIL GOES RUN UNDERNEATH A SKI LIFT, A "QUAD" IT'S CALLED. SO, BASICALLY EVERYONE ON THAT LIFT MUST HAVE SEEN MY FALL. SOMETHING TO ENTERTAIN THEM ON THEIR 5 MINUTE RIDE UP THE MOUNTIAN. AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH, I FINNALLY STOPPED AND HEARD A MAN SHOUT OUT "ARE YOU OK?" NOW, I KMNWO HE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE CONSIDERATE AND I REALLY REALLY DO APPRECIATE THAT, BUT ALL THOES PEOPLE WHO BY CHANCE MISSED MY FALL NOW TURNED THEIR HEADS TO SEE WHAT ALL THE COMMOTION WAS ABOUT. I MEAN, THE MAN MUST'VE BEEN TALKING TO SOMEONE. THANK YOU KIND SIR FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE TWICE THE IDIOT I FELT LIKE 2 SECONDS AGO. I CALLED BACK AND SAID "THANKS I'M ALRIGHT" WHEN REALLY, MY KNEE WAS THROBBING, MY RIGHT ONE. SO I LOOKED UP AND SAW MY RIGHT SKI A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE TRAIL THAN I WAS. NOT TOO BAD. I POPPED IT ON AND IN 5 SECONDS WAS ON MY WAY DOWN THE REST OF THE TRAIL SILENTLY HOPEING THAT I DID A GOOD SHOW AND KNOWING THAT EVERYONE ON THAT LIFT WAS GING TO SKI DOWN AND OVER LUNCH TALK ABOUT THIS GIRL WHO COMPLETELY WIPED OUT AND ROLLED 50 FEET DOWNT HE MOUNTIAN. AT LEAST IT WON'T BE A DULL CONVERSATION! SO,AFTER THAT, THERE WAS NO MORE RACHEL GOIN ON THAT TRAIL FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP. WE DID A FEW MORE RUNS, NICE BLUE ONES. BLUE SQUARES. MY FAVORITE. WELL I FELL DOWN ON LOWER PICKED ROCK (ONE OF MY ACTUAL FAVORITE TRAILS) AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED EITHER. I FIGURED I HAD :CAUGHT AN EDGE" EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT EXACTLY THAT MEANS, BUT I'VE HEARD ITS RESPONSIBLE FOR MOST SKIING ACCIDENTS. SO ANYWAY, I HOPED NOONE SAW THAT, EXPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE RECIGNISED ME AS TEH FALLER THEY SAW ONLY 30 MINUTES AGO ON THE BLACK TRAIL. OBVIOUSLY, I GOT UP, DUSTED MYSELF OFF AND CONTINUED ON MY JOURNEY, MY KNEE HURTING A BIT MORE THAN IT HAD BEFORE I FELL THE SECOND TIME. "OH WELL" I THUOGHT TO MYSELF. SO THEN WE MET UP WITH THE REST OF THE FAMILY (CEPT ERICA) AND WE ALL SKIED TOGETHER FOR A BIT AND WENT DOWN SOME WICKED WICKED CROWDED GREEN TRAILS WITHA BUNCH OF NON EXPIERENCED SKIERS WHO TOOK UP THE ENTIRE TRAIL GOING BACK AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH AND BACK AND FORTH. NICE. AND MY PERFECT LUCK VISITED ME AGAIN ON A GREEN TRAIL CALLED "THE LINK" ONE THAT WAS ICEIER THAN A SKATING RINK. I FELL. AND SLID A BIT, NOT TOO FAR THOUGH, AND WAS NEARLY RUN OVER BY A FEW OF THOSE BACKANDFORTHANDBACKANDFORTH SKIERS. I FIGURED, THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR ME. SO I RETREATED BACK TO THE LODGE WHERE I TOOK SOME PAIN RELIEVER MEDICINE FOR MY KNEE (WHICH NOW HAD 3 BRUISES AND ONE RED MARK ON IT) THE 3 BRUISES REPRESENTING EACH FALL AND THE RED MARK REPRESENTING HOW RED MY FACE TURNED DUE TO SHEER EMBARASSMENT WHEN I FELL. THE REST OF THE DAY CONSISTED OF US LEAVING THE MOUNTIAN AFTER HAVING LUNCH AND STOPPING OFF AT AN AWESOME STORE "THE CLOTHING OUTLET" WHICH WAS LOCATED, AGAIN, IN THE MILL PLAZA, WHERE I PURCHASED A COMPLETELY BLANK, WHITE SWEATSHIRT AND A BLACK AND WHITE SCARF THING. I DIDN'T ACTUALLY PLAN ON WEARING THE SCARF THING AS A SCARF, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE USEFULL AS A BELT TIE THING. (I SAY WOULD BECAUSE LATER ON, THE NEXT DAY, WHEN WE WERE PACKING TO LEAVE, I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT AND DIDN'T PACK IT SO, PRESENTLY> RIGHT NOW> AS YOU'RE READING THIS, IT'S SITTING THERE ON THE FLOOR IN THE STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM. NIICE.) SO THEN WE WENT BACK TO OUR MOTEL ROOM, WATCHED T.V. AND READ FOR A WHILE THEN HAD SOME DELICIOUS LASAGNA. I LOVE LASAGNA. DEARLY. THEN I TOOK SOME MORE MEDICINE, KICKED EVERYONE OUTTA MY COUCH ROOM AND TRIED TO SLEEP. I DIDN'T SLEEP THAT NIGHT AT ALL. I KEPT HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT 2 THINGS, 1) LITTLE WHITE LEECHES THAT INFESTED MY HOME AND 2) AND LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLD BOYS GHOST WHO KEPT VISITNG ME. THOSE ARE MY TWO BIGGEST FEARS. LIKE.. I WILL START TO CRY AND SHAKE AND HAVE A BREAKDOWN IF ANY OF THOSE TWO THINGS COME UP.. EVER. SO I SLEPT WITH THE LIGHT ON. OF COURSE.

SUNDAY>DAY SIX>DAY OF DEPARTURE
WELL WELL WELL, I AWOKE WITH A FEELING OF SATISFACTION. THE LAST DAY. THE LAST DAY OF SKIING FOR A WHILE. THE LAST DAY OF STAYING IN A STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM FOR A WHILE. AND THE LAST DAY OF BEING STUCK (WITHOUT ESCAPE) WITH MY FAMILY. WE ALL AWOKE EARLY IN THE MORNING, JUST AFTER 8 I BELIEVE, AND EVERYONE HAD TO PACK UP THEIR THINGS. BOY WAS THAT CHAOTIC. I ALMOST FORGOT TO PACK MY TOOTHBRUSH. OH THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HOOOORIBLE. I MEAN, IMAGINE IF YOU WERE THE HOUSE CLEANER MAID LADY, AND YOU WENT IN THERE (THE MOTEL ROOM) AND EVERYTHIN WAS NICE AND CLEAN RIGHT WHERE YOU WALKED IN, THEN YOU GO INTO THE BATHROOM AND SEE SOMEONE ELSES TOOTHBRUSH STILL SITTING THERE IN THE CERAMIC TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER. EWW. THAT'S GROSSS. SO THEN WE LOADED UP THE CAR WITH ALL OF OUR BAGS AND FOOD AND NEW STUFF AND THEN HEADED TO THE MOUNTIAN. I SKIED 2 RUNS, THEN WENT INTO THE LODGE. MY KNEE JUST HURT TOO TOO BAD. SO I SAT IN THE LODGE WITH LITTLE MISS CRANKY PANTS (ERICA)AND DEMITRA WHO GOT TIERD OF SKIING. THEN I HAD A DELICIOUS SALAD WITH ITALIAN DRESSING THAT STUNG MY CHAPPED LIPS. STUPID DRESSING. THE LADY WHO SOLD IT TO ME AT THE COUNTER WAS WICKED NICE THOUGH. SHE WAS FROM AFRICA. VERRY COOL. SO THEN DAN AND MY MOM CAME IN FROM SKIING, ATE LUNCH, WENT OUT SKIING AGAIN, THEN CAME BACK IN, PACKED UP WITH US, AND WE ALL HEADED OUT TO THE TRUCK. WE DROVE HOME (2 1/2 HOURS) LISTENING TO BILL COSBY, THEN UNPACKED EVERYTHING. I TALKED ONLINE FOR A BIT, THEN SLEPT PEACEFULLY NOT AWAITING THE DAY THAT LIED AHEAD; THE DAY BACK TO SCHOOL.

SO I SEE YOU HAVE JOINED ME YET AGAIN! I DONT KNOW HOW MANY ENTRYS I AM GOING TO NEED TO WRITE IN ORDER TO MAKE ALL THIS WORK.. WE'LL SEE.

THURSDAY>DAY 3> THE DAY BEFORE THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR
SO IF YOU READ THE ENTRY BEFORE THIS, YOU'D KNOW THAT I WOKE UP EARLY, AND ATE AN EARLY BREAKFAST. WHILE I SAT ON MY "BED" I WATCHED DRAGONTALES. A TELEISION SHOW I HADEN'T SEEN IN WHAT FELT LIEK AGES. AS I NEARLY SPILLED MY BOWL OF HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS CEREAL MORE TAHN ONCE, EVERYONE BEGAN TO AROUSE FROM THEIR PEACEFUL SLEEP. AFTER WE HAD ALL EATEN AND WASHED AND CHANGED AND PUT ON MULTIPLE LAYERS OF HEAT ABSORBING COLD BLOCKING CLOTHING, WE HIT THE ROAD. ON OUR WAY YESTERDAY (BY THE WAY) I HAD TO STOP AND TRY ON JUST ABOUT EVERY PAIR OF SNOW PANTS IN THE STORE LAHOUTS. CUZ I DON'T HAVE ANY. NOW I WOULD HAV EMUCH RATHERD SKI WITHOUT SNOW PANTS, BUT, NO, I JUST HAD TO HAVE SOME OR SO THINKS MY MOTHER, AND I ENDED UP HAVING TO BUY MY OWN! WHAT IS THIS? A CONSPIRICY TO MAKE ME SPEND THE MONEY IM SAVING UP TO BUY MYSELF A CAR!? THANK YOU MOTHER, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND PITCHING IN THAT EXTRA THOUSAND WHEN IT COMES TO CAR BUYING TIME. SO MY SNOWPANTS ARE PRETTY COOL IF I SAY SO MYSELF, I MEAN, THEY HAVE TO BE IF I PAID $107 FOR THEM. BUT ANYWAY, BACK TO DAY 3. SO WE GET TO THE MOUNTIAN AND DO THE WHOLE "SKI YOU HEART OUT THING" ONCE AGAIN. AND DAN SETS ME OFF ON SOME BLACK DIAMOND TRAIL THAT SHOULD BE GOOD FOR ME BECAUSE IT GETS MY LEGS WORKING HARD (BECAUSE HE KNOWS, HE JUST KNOWS, THAT IM GOING TO GO BACK AND FORTH DOWN IT THE ENTIRE TIME). AFTER THAT, HIM AND I TAKE A BREAK AND SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY MOM, ERICA AND DEMITRA WHO ARE PROBABLY ALL ON SOME EASY TRAIL AS WE GET OUR LUNCH (AGAIN FROM THE LOON LODGE CAFE PLACE). SUDDENLY MY MOM AND DEMITRA SHOW UP AND WE FIND THAT ERICA HAS BEEN INSIDE THE LODGE, JUST SITTING THERE CUZ SHE DOESNT WANT TO SKI AND HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN COUNT HOW MANY SHOES WALK BY HER CORNER. SO TOGETHER WE ALL EAT LUNCH. THEN TOGETHER WE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO OUR STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM WHERE WE BASICALLY DID NOTHING FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT WITH THE EXCEPTION OF EATING SOME GROSS VEGETABLES DROWNING IN SOY SAUCE ALONG WITH PORK OR SOME DRY MEAT OF THAT SORT. SO WE HAVE THE DRY FOOD ALONG WITH THE DROWNED DRENCHED FOOD. NICE. AFTER WE ATE, EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR DAN CROWED ONTO MY BED IN THE COUCHROOM AND INTERESTED IN THE MADE FOR T.V. MOVIE WE WERE WATCHING, WHICH HAPPEND TO BE CADET KELLY. THE MOVIE HAD BEEN ON NUMEROUS TIMES IN WHICH CASES I WATCHE DTHE ENTIRE THING FROM START TO FINISH USING THE EXCUSE "I HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO" AS MY ALABI. SO HERE WE WERE, WRAPPED UP IN A FICTIONAL (BUT POSSIBLY TRUE) STORY OF A GIRL WHO WAS ATTENDING A MILITARY ACADAMY AGAISNT HER WILL, AND TRYING NOT TO LET THE UNUNIQUENESS RULE ENFORCED BY HER STEP FATHER (SEEING AS THUOGH HE WAS INCHARGE) NOT PPLY TO HER. I GOT UP AT ONE POINT, TO FILL MY MUG (THATS ALL THEY HAD IN OUR STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROMM, NO CUPS, JUST MUGS WITH GRAPEFRUIT PAINTED ONTO THE SIDES) AND RETURNED TO COUCH/BED/LIVING ROOM WHERE I FOUND MY MOTHER AND TWO SISTERS IN A TRANCE. WAS THIS MOVIE REALLY THAT AMAZING? APPARENTLY SO. AT LEAST, ONE WOULD THINK SO WHEN THEY FIND THEY'RE STUBBORN FAMILY GIVING INTO THE DRAMA OF A DISNEY MOVIE. AFTER THAT WAS OVER, I SHOOED OUT OF MY COUCHROOM, AND ATTEMPTED TO SLEEP. RATHER, HALF SLEEP. NEVER DID I EXPECT TO REALLY SLEEP, REACH THAT STATE OF SILENT CONCIOUSNESS WHERE YOU COULD ACTUALLY DREAM, THAT PLACE WHERE YOU GO IN YOUR HEAD WHERE YOU'RE COMFORABLY SLEEPING. COMFORTABLE BEING THE KEY WORD. WHEN IM ONLY HALF COMFY, IM ONLY ABLE TO FALL HALF ASLEEP. SO AFTER I TOSSED AND TURNED FOR A WHILE, I DECIDED THAT IT WAS NO USE TRYING TO FIND A COMFORTABLE POSITION SEEING AS THOUGH THERE JUST WASN'T ONE, AND JUST AS I GAVE UP HOPE AND WAS PLANNING AN ALL NIGHTER, A WAVE OF EXAUSTION HIT ME, AND I SLEPT STRAIGHT TILL MORNING.

FRIDAY>DAY 4>HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE!
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY... ACTUALLY, HOW BOUT NEVER? I HATE THE RAIN, I HATE THE COLD FRONT IT BRINGS ALONG WITH IT, I HATE THE TEXTURE, THE RAIN DROPS, I HATE THE SOUND, AND MOST OF ALL, I HATE THAT IT MAKES EVERYTHING FEEL SO GLOOMY. NO SKIING TODAY, FOR, I'M DEFINETALLY NOT UP TO A DAY OF GETTING RAINED ON WHEN I COULD SIT INSIDE MY STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT LOOKING MOTEL ROOM AND LOOK OUT MY WINDOW AND RATHER, WATCH EVERYONE GET RAINED ONE. WITH THE TOWN ENVELOPED BY A DARK CLOUD I FIGURED THAT I COULDN'T REALLY ESCAPE THE WETNESS, AND GAVE INTO THE IDEA OF GOING SHOPPING. I LOVE TO SHOP, I HATE SPENDING MONEY THOUGH. SO AS WE LOOKED IN AND OUT OF STORES OF COURSE I FOUND THINGS I WANTED TO BUY, BUT NO WAY WAS I GOING TO ACTUALLY BUY THEM AND WASTE (OR WHAT I BELIEVED WAS WASTING) MY MONEY. DEMITRA WAS OVERCOME WITH JOY WHEN SHE FOUND THE PERFECT SKI BOOTS, NEW SHINEY BLUE ONES WITH TONS OF BUCKLES, AND I WAS OVERCOME WITH INDECISION ON WHETHER OR NOT TO ACTUALLY BUY SOMETHING. I DECIDED NOT, BECAUSE AFTER ALL, I WANTED TO GET A NICE CAR, A NEW SHINEY ONE WITH A LONG WARRENTLY WHICH I KNOW COSTS MORE THAN A CRAPPY ONE BOUND TO FALL APART OF BREAK DOWN AT ANY MOMENT. AFTER OUR NON SHOPPING EXPIERENCE (EXCEPT WHEN DEMITRA SPLURGED FOR A PAIR OF BOOTS), WE ALL RETREATED BACK TO THE PARKER MOTEL. THERE, AT OUR TABLE, WE DISCUSSED OUR OPTIONS ON HOW AND WHERE TO CELEBRATE. I WAS PARTICULARLY INTERESTD IN TWO EVENTS, ONE, WHICH WAS BEHIND THE MILL, THAT BIG OLD OLD OLD VERY OLDDD HAUNTED LOOKING ABOUT TO FALL DOWN MILL WHERE THEY'D AHVE A BIG BONFIRE AND FIREWORKS AND SUCH, AND TWO WHICH WAS AT TEH INDIAN HEAD RESORT, OUR NEIGHBOR, AND THEY WERE HOSTING A KAREOKE NIGHT AS WELL AS DINNER AND SUCH. I'D NEVER DONE KAREOKE BEFORE, OTHER THAN AT VARIOUS FRIENEDS BIRTHDAY PARTYS WHERE I KNEW EVERYONE AND THOUGHT IT'D BE FUN TO TRY OUT SOMETHING NEW. BEFORE WE CHOSE OUR DESTINATION, WE DECIDED UPON GOING OUT TO DINNER AT A FANCY WELL TO DO RESTURAUNT IN THE HEART OF TOWN. IN FACT, IT WAS RIGHT AROUND TO CORNER FROM THE MILL. CAN YOU SAY CONVIENENT? AFTER I HAD A DELICIOUS DINNER OF LASAGNA (ONE OF MY FAVORITE MEALS OF ALLTIME) AND AN EVEN MORE DELICIOUS DESERT, WHICH WAS A PIECE OF TOLLHOUSE COOKIE PIE, WE PAID WITH NUMEROUS GIFT CERTIFICATES THAT HAD BEEN COLLECTED OVER A TIME PERIOD OF A FEW HOURS, BECAUSE MY PARENTS HAD RECIEVED THEM WENT THEY WENT TO AN OPEN HOUSE THAT WAS FOR VIEWING A TIME SHARE/CONDO THING. ANYWAY, WE ENDED UP GOING TO THE MILL AND WITNESSING THE GREAT BON FIRE THING.IT WAS SO MUCH FUN, AN OVER ALL, WORTHWHILE EXPERIENCE. A HUGE CROWD HAD GATHERD BY ABOUT 7:30 AND EVERYONE WAS DANCING AND CHATTINNG AND LISTENING TO THE MUSIC THAT WAS BEING BLASTED BY THE DJ WHO WAS STANDING BY RAMBLING ON ABOUT SOME TOWN THINGS OVER THE MIRCOPHONE. SO, BEING THE OUTGOING PERSON THAT I AM, I TOOK OF MY WINTER JACKET AND GLOVES AND SUCH, ALL THOSE BULKY THINGS TRAPPING MY EXCITMENT INSIDE AND JUST COMPLETLY LET GO. I MEAN, HOW MANY OF THESE PEOPLE HERE AM I REALLY GOING TO SEE EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE? NOT ALOT I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH. SO I HAD AN ABSOLUTLE BLAST DANCING TO EVERYTHING FROM THE COTTON EYE JOE TO THE MACARENA TO WE ARE FAMILY TO SWEET CAROLINE. AFTERWARDS, AFTER BURNING OFF MY DINNER BY DANCING AROUND THE BON FIRE WITH ABOUT 7 OR 8 OTHER PEOPLE, MAKING A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF, I WENT HOME AND TRIED TO STAY UP UNTILL MIDNIGHT, WHICH I ENDED UP DOING, BUT NOT ON PURPOSE. I TOOK A SHORT NAP BECAUSE IW ANTED TO STAY UP TO WATCH THE BALL DROP ON THE TELEVISION BUT DAN SAID THAT WE WERE ALL GOING TO BED. FINE, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I KNEW THAT I'D BE TIERD THE NEXT MORNING IF I STAYED UP THAT LATE AND I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE TIERD ALL DAY AND HAVE TO SKI THROUGH THE EXAUSTION. I ENDED UP STAYING UP WELL PAST MIDNIGHT BUT INSTEAD OF WATCHING THE BALL DROP, I WAS LYING ON MY "BED" AND TRYING TO THINK MYSELF TO SLEEP. MAYBE THINKING ABOUT ALL THE EXCITMENT OF ONE DAY WOULD MAKE ME TIERD ENOUGH TO FALL INTO A DEEP DEPP SLEEP, ONE THAT WOULD NEVER SURRENDER ME TO THE DAYLIGHT, THE MORNING SUNSHINE, SO I COULD CATCH UP ON ALL THE SLEEP I'VE MISSED. BUT NO, WHY SLEEP FOREVER WHEN YOU CAN WAKE UP AT 7 IN THE MORNING AND SKI YOUR HEART OUT FOR THE UMTEENTH TIME THIS WEEK? OH YEAH, CUZ IT'D BE PEACEFUL.


TO READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXT DURING "THE ADVERTURES OF RACHEL'S SKI TRIP" AND FID A STARTELING TWIST IN THE PLOT AT THE BEGINNING OF SATURDAY, TUNE INTO THE ABOVE ENTRY.

SO? YOU HAVE COME TO JOIN MY SPEECH OF HOW MY TRIP WENT. WELL DONE!
AS I MENTIONED IN MY PREVIOUS ENTRY, IT BEGAN ON TUESDAY. IT WAS A CHILLY LATE NIGHT TO BE TRAVELING THE LONG ROAD TO COW HAMPSHIRE, BUT WE STUCK IT OUT.

TUESDAY> THE DAY OF DEPARTURE
SO, IT WAS ONLY THE SECOND DAY WE HAD OFF FROM SCHOOL VACATION AND ALREADY IM LEAVING TO GO ON A TRIP. NO RELAXING VACA FOR ME. TRY A MORE STRESSFULL VACA, WITH LOTS OF ACTION. IT WAS A REGULAR FUN FILLED DAY WHEN I HUNG OUT WITH BRET. WE STAYED AT HIS HOUSE, ATE SOME MAC N CHEESE (MY FAVORITE) AND WATCHED A BIT OF FINDING NEMO WHILE WE CONSUMED MY FAVORITE MEAL. IT WAS FUN. I LOVE DOING BASICALLY NOTHING, A STRESS FREE DAY, THAT IS, UNTIL MY MOTHER SHOWED UP TO GET ME. I RODE THE LONG RIDE HOME SITTING IN THE PASSENGER SEAT LISTENING TO MY MOTHER CANCEL ALL HER PLANS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK, FOR, WE WERE GOING ON A TRIP. WHAT KIND OF A TRIP MIGHT YOU ASK? A SKIING, STAYINGINAMOTEL, COLDJACUZZI, WEARWINTERJACKETS TRIP. I WAS AS EXCITED AS MOUSE CAUGHT IN A RAT TRAP. WHICH BY THE WAY, IS NOT A VERY EXCITING EMOTION, IS MORE A FEELING OF REGRET, THE RAT THINKS "WHY DID I HAVE TO TRY AND GET THE CHEESE" I ON THE OTHER HAND THINK "WHY DID I HAVE TO HAVE VACA THE SAME WEEK EVERYONE PLANNED A SKI TRIP." MORE ON THE TOPIC, I GOT HOME, RUSHED AROUND PACKING MY CLOTHES, CD PLAYER, MAKEUP, PHONE, WALLET, ACCESORY, TOILETRIES, AND ALL THAT JAZZ. I WA SOTLD I HAD A LITTLE LESS TAN AN HOUR TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THIS. BOY WAS THAT WRONG. I FINISHED WITHT IME TO SPARE. IT WAS APPROXIMATLEY 4:30 WHEN I WENT TO TELL MY MOTHER THAT I WAS READY TO RUN OUT THE DOOR AT ANY MINUTE. WE DIDN'T END UP LEAVIG UNTILL 7ISH. JOY. THE 2 1/2 HOUR CAR RIDE (WHICH REALLY WASN'T THAT LONG) CONSISTED OF ERICA AND I (SITTING ON THE EDGES OF THE BACK SEAT) LISTENING NO STOP TO OUR ROCK FILLED HEAD PHONES, AND DEMITRA (SITTING SQUISHED IN BETWEEN US AND OUR CD PLAYERS) WATCHING THE MOVIE "SIX DAYS SEVEN NIGHTS" FOR THE UMTEENTH TIME. YOU SEE, IT IS A TRADITION IN THIS FAMILY TO WATCH THIS HUMOR FILLED CORNY MOVIE EVERY TIME WE GO ON A TRIP. AND NOW WAS NOT THE TIME TO BREAK TRADITIONS. WE ARRIVED AT THE PARKER MOTEL IN LINCOLN, NH AT ABOUT 9:30 WHERE WE CHECKED IN, UNLOADED OUR THINGS IN THE STUDIO STYLE ENGISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM. ROOM NUMBER 215. ERICA AND DEMITRA CLAIMED THE SECOND BEDROOM FASTER THAN I COULD FIN THE LIGHT SWITCHES AND MY PARENTS HAD ALREADY (OF COURSE) CLAMIED THE SUITE. I WAS LEFT WITH THE COUCH. SUCH A LOVELY THING TO SIT ON IN THE DAY TIME. SUCH A HELL LIKE THING TO SLEEP ON IN THE NIGHT TIME. SINCE OUR STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM HAD A KITCHEN, MY MOM WAS ABLE TO MAKE A SCRUMPTIOUS DINNER FOR THE FAMILY. SO WE ATE. WE ATE AT A QUAINT LITTLE DINING ROOM TABLE (THE PERFECT SIZE SUPRISINGLY) THAT WAS SITUATED IN THE KITCHEN/DINING ROOM/MY BEDROOM AREA. I MADE SURE TO CLARIFY THE FACT THAT I DID NOT WANT THERE TO BE STEAK SAUCE ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR, SO WE HAD SOME EXTRA NAPKINS ON THE TABLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. ONCE DINNER WAS FINISHED, HALF THE FAMILY (ERICA, DEMITRA AND I) PILED ONTO MY "BED" AND WATCHED THE TELLY. WE PROBABLY WATCHED SOMETHING POINTLESS BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER SITTIG ON MY BED STAIRING AT THE BLACK BOX FOR LONG. WE HEARD THERE WAS A JACUZZI AT THE STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBING MOTEL ROOM MOTEL, WE DECIDED TO CHECK IT OUT. ARMED WITH OUR TOWELS WE MADE OUR WAY TO THE "SPA." WHAT AN INTERESTING "SPA." IN THIS "SPA" WAS A SAUNA THE SIZE OF A CLOSET, LITERALLY, ONLY LARGE ENOUGH TO FIT A COUPLE OF BUCKETS AND BROOMS, AND A 93 DEGREES HOT JACUZZI. NOT MY IDEA OF A "SPA." THAT IS, YOU SEE, WHY I'M USING THE QUOTATION MARKS. AFTER OUR DISSAPOINTMENT WE ALL RETREATED BACK TO THE STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT RESEMBLING MOTEL ROOM. AND CHANGED INTO OUR PIJAMAS. WHILE ERICA AND DEMITRA SLEPT SOUNDLESSLY IN THIER (LITERALLY A) BEDROOM, I LIED IN MY (LITERALLY A) COUCHROOM AND LISTENED TO DAN THROW INSULTS AT THE MICROWAVE. WHO NEEDS TO USE A MICROWAVE AT 11:30 AT NIGHT ANYWAY? HONESTLY PEOPLE, LETS NOT PROVE OURSELVES INSANE. SO, WHILE HE DID THAT AND PRESSED EVERY SINGLE BUTTON IN THE STUPID WHITE BOX I LISTENED TO THE TUNE OF THE "BEEPING" NOISES IT SHOUTED BACK AT HIM. FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES I TRIED TO TUNE BACK INTO MY LYNYRD SKYNYRD CD AND LET "GIMMIE THREE STEPS" SOOTH MY MOTIVES TO THROW THE APPLIANCE OUT OUR WINDOW. AS HARD AS I TRIED TO FOCUS IN ON THE LYRICS TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS, THE BEEPING NOISE CONTINUED TO PENETRATE THROUGH MY MISSION. AS I FINALLY LOST MY TEMPER, I TURNED MY HEAD TO FIND DAN NO LONGER SITTING ON THE FLOOR BUT IN HIS ROOM WATCHING TELEVISION WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. BEWILDERD, I BLAME THE STILL SILENCE PIERCING BEEPS ON MY INSANITY. I CLOSED MY EYES, RETURNED TO END OF THE SONG GUITAR SOLO, AND DRIFTED OFF TO SLEEP HOPING THAT THE NEXT DAY WOULD BE BETTER.

WEDNESDAY> DAY 2. ENOUGH SAID.
WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY WERE PRETTY MUCH A BLUR, I DO REMEMBER HOWEVER THAT ON BOTH DAYS I AWOKE FEELING A SMALL ACHE IN MY UPPER LEFT ARM, DUE MY SLEEPING POSITION THE NIGHT BEFORE. SUCH SACRAFICE WAS I SUBMITTING TO LET ERICA AND DEMITRA SLEEP ON A BED. I SACRAFICED A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP, AND SUBMITTED MYSELF TO THE EARLY MORNING PAIN, THE RESULT. I WAS SUPRISED WHEN WE ARRIVED AT LOON MOUNTIAN AND FOUND MYSELF ON A SKI RUN THAT I HADN'T LOST MY TOUCH. I GUESS TRACK HAD PREPARED ME AND CONDITIONED MY LEGS TO BE ABLE TO SKI AND TURN AND STOP AND SPEED AND GO AND SUCH THINGS, THANK GOODNESS. I KNEW IT WAS NO FUN TO BE HIT WITH PAIN AFTER A LONGS DAYS WORK, I KNEW BECAUSE THATS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I BEGAN RUNNING TRACK. BUT NOW, WEEKS AFTER THE STARTING POINT OF MY RUNNING SPORT, I FOUND MYSELF FULLY PREPARED ANDREADY TO FLY DOWN THE MOUNTIAN WITH EASE. AT ABOUT 2:30 THE DREW STARTED GETTING RESTLESS, AFTER ALL, DOING THE SAME THING FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME DOES GET QUITE BORING. SO WE TOOK A BREAK, ATE SOME OF THE DELICIOUS (YES, I DID SAY DELICIOUS) LODGE'S LUNCH. THERE ARE TWO LODGES YOU SEE, WE WERE AT THE ONE THAT HELD THE INFAMOUS GONDOLA. THE REASON TO GO TO LOON MOUNTAIN. INTERESTING THAT THE ENTIRE TIME WE WERE THERE, NOT ONCE DID WE RIDE THE GONDOLA UP TO THE TOP. AFTER SKIING WE DROVE BY THE LOCAL MOVIE THEATRE, GOD KNOWS WHAT ITS NAME WAS. BUT THIS THEATRE SAT IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN NEAR THE MILL. THE OLD OLD OLD VERY OLD MILL WAS REALLY, NO LONGER A MILL AT ALL, BUT A HAUNTED LOOKING, FALLING DOWN, BULDING. "OCEANS 12, LEMONY SNICKET, MEET THE FOCKERS, AND FLIGHT OF THE PHEONIX" THE BOARD READ PROUDLY. FOUR MOVIES. NICE. WE PLANNED ON HEADING BACK THERE AFTER WE HIT OUR MOTEL ROOM FOR A QUICK WASH AND CHANGE. WITH A DRIVE AROUND THE CORNER, A TWIST OF A MOTEL ROOM KEY, A ZIP ZIP ZIP OF THE SUITCASE, AND ANOTHER QUICK DRIVE AROUND THE CORNER, I FOUND MYSELF WALKING AROUND THE MILL PLAZA TRYING TO PASS THE TIME . THERE I STOOD FACING A DISCOUNT SHELF IN BOOK FILLED STORE. A BOOK STORE SOME MIGHT SAY. A BOOKROOM MORE LIKE IT. I SAW A FEW BOOKS THAT I HAD ALREADY READ, AS WELL AS THE BOOKS I THOUGHT OF NEVER READING DUE TO THE MANY PAGES THE BINDING HELD. TWO IN PARTICULAR CAUGHT MY EYE. "A SECRET HISTORY" AND "IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR." THE SECOND, "IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR" SEEMED TO ME A FANTASTIC BOOK ABOUT THE DISSAPEARENCE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD BOY. I LOVE MYSTERIES PERSONALLY, VERY INTRIGUING, THOUGHT PROVOKING. THE FIRST BOOK, "A SECRET HISTORY" HAS A LOT TO DO WITH ANCIENT GREECE, OR SO I ASSUME CONSIDERING THE BACK OF THE BOOK MENTIONS A YOUNG MAN STUDYING THE TIME PERIOD OF THE ANCIENT GREEKS. I LOVE HISTORY AS WELL. SO, I HAVE MY READING CUT OUT FOR ME. I'M STILL READING STIFFED AND AM AT THE END OF PAGE 17 OF SIXHUNDRED SEVENTY EIGHT. LOVELY! SUDDENLY I GLANCED AT THE CLOCK AND REALIZED I HAD WORN OUT MY STAY, AND I NEEDED TO BE DOWN THE STREET IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES TO CATCH THE MOVIE. I QUICKLEY PAID AND BID GOODBYE TO THE CASHIER SAYING ITS ALRIGHT I COULDN'T USE MY VISA, (THOUGH I WAS MAJORLY DISSAPOINTED TO FIND I HAD TO PAY WITH THE CASH THAT I WAS PRETENDING TO NOT HAVE, THE CASH THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE BANK SO IT WOULD BE EASYER TO RESIST SPENDING IT) AND THAT I HOPE THEY GET THE VISA MACHINE WORKING SOON (AS IF I WAS GOING TO RETURN TO THEIR BOOK STORE AGAIN TO PURCHASE ANOTHER BOOK, WHICH MAY HAPPEN, MAY NOT HAPPEN). I TURNED MY HEAD TO THE RIGHT, THE DIRECTION IN WHICH I WOULD NEED TO RUN TO BUY MY TICKETS IN TIME FOR THE SHOWING OF LEMONY SNICKET (THOUGH I WANTED TO SEE ALL THE OTHER MOVIES BUT THIS ONE) TO SEE A LONG WINDING LINE OUT THE DOOR INTO THE BRISK COLD OF THE PARKING LOT. SIGHING, I RUSHED THE REST OF MY FAMILY OUT OF THE STORE AND INTO THE LINE. IT (MUCH TO MY SUPRISMENT) WENT FAST AND BEFORE I KNEW IT I WAS STANDING INFRONT OF THE TICKET WINDOW. WHILE DAN BOUGHT THE TICKETS (WHICH TOOK ABOUT 2 SECONDS BECAUSE TTHE GUY LIKED TO RUSH PEOPLE ALONG (PROBABLY CUZ HE DIDNT PLAN ON BEING SUED ANYTIME SOON BY THE PEOPLE STANDING OUTSIDE SLOWLY GETTING FROSTBITE, A DANGER TO THEIR HEALTH)). WE HANDED OUR TICKETS TO GUY AT THE DOOR, AND ENTERED THE THEATRE. WE WALKED THROUGH THE POPCORN BUYING STATION TO SEE THAT OUR SCREEN WAS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. WE TOOK OUR SEATS JUST IN TIME TO WATCH TWO PREVIEWS, AND THEN THE MOVIE BEGAN. BLAH BLAH BLAH, WATCHED THE MOVIE, LAUGHED A LITTLE. THEN IT ENDED AND WE RUSHED OUT TO OUR CAR, DOWN THE ROAD, AND INTO OUR COZY STUDIO STYLE ENGLISH FLAT LOOKING MOTEL ROOM. CHANGED. WASHED. SLEPT. WELL, EVERYONE BUT ME SLEPT SOUNDLESSLY, PEACFULLY, I SLEPT, AWOKE, SHIFTED MY POSITION, SLEPT, AWOKE SHIFTED MY POSITION, SLEPT, AWOKE, REALIZED IT WASN'T WORTH IT, (TRYING TO SLEEP WASN'T WORTH THE SATISFACTION BECAUSE I'D JUST WAKE UP IN PAIN THE NEXT MORNING) TOOK A FEW STEPS, OPENED THE FRIDGE, DRANK SOME JUICE, WENT BACK TO BED, SHIFTED MY POSITION, SLEPT, AWOKE, SHIFTED MY POSITION, SLEPT, AWOKE, GAVE IN AND TURNED ON THE TELEVISION TO SEE THAT IT WAS 8 IN THE MORNING, ATE SOME BREAKFAST, AND THE NEXT DAY BEGAN.

TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, AND WITNESS ME CONTINUE MY JOURNEY THROUGH THE WEEK, READ THE ABOVE ENTRY.

Who knows where you've been
I somehow doubt
And confusion on your face
Can I see you
But I ain't sayin' nothin' you don't know
Take your time
Until you fall away
It's just gone to my head
Can you see it
But I ain't sayin' nothin' you don't know
Hey watcha do to me
I'm not certain of it anyway
Tell me lies
Hold on dreamaway