You're my sweet charade

ever hate someone so much you just want to kill them?

god. i mean honestly. god. i just can't stand dan anymore. hes being such a fucking asshole... it's times like these when i wonder why my mom married him. i wanna go live with my dad and never ever have to see dans stupid rude face again. ever. never ever. he is suuuuuch a biiiitch. i mean, honestly, he gets all worked up about NOTHING. i mean, they dont talk, they argue. i think when they argue, they argue more about what the other person said! so, i got a phone call from my mom a couple minutes ago and shes like "can you go downstairs and make some dinner for you and your sisters?" and i was like "umm.. ok." and shes like "and try to stay out of his way" (his, meaning dan's) and i was like "where are you?" and she said "well, dans said 'get the fuck out of here,' so i did, i just had to get out of the house." WHAT AN ASSSSSSHOLE. i mean, even when people are mad, do they have to say stuff like that to their spouse, IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS?? fuck off, i ust want to kill you. i mean, i don't need a step dad anyway. i love my dad. fredrick lance miller jr. i looove him to death. and i hate dan to death, so go die. i hate them fighting and they do it ALL the time. i don't even know why hes so mad! probably cuz he knows we're all better than him and that hes never giht about anything, but can't admit to it. god. what a SGLKKXSRK! i don't wanna have to fucking cry every time they get into a fight, i dont care if he yells at me, but like.. my mom is liek my world and i can't stand hearing him yell at her and stuff. wtffffff. i hope they get divorced, i've been talking to her about it but she laughs it off. she doesn't know how much i hate him. so i went downstairs and tried to make dinner, i was gonna make ramen noodles but figured thatd be a bad moveconsidering dan would be liek "YOU'RE GETTING THE FUCKING STOVE DIRTY" so i decided to make sandwiches instead. when i was taking out the stuff hes like "what are you doing?" and i was like "making sandwiches for me demitra and erica" and hes like "who told you to do that" (as if im not capable of coming up with it by myself, and hes obviously assuming it was my mom who told me too, but i don't let him know) so i say "well, we're all hungry and i figured it'd be easy enough to make sandwiches" and hes like "NOT YET" so i was like "when are we eating?" and he goes "I SAID NOT YET." he scares the fucking hell out of me sometimes, i mean.. he really does. this is why i don't like people coming over my house; because they have to meet him. thanks god, for giving me a fucking asshole as a step dad. thanks a lot. and its not like this happens rarely. it happens ALL THE TIME. he is soo sexist. he argues about the tinyist stuff too, like when i leave my shoes out he gets sooo pissed. or when i forget to replace a bag in one of our (many) trash barrels around the house, he looses his mind. what a fag.

i'm just gonna go cry and i probably wont update later. i'll study for finals too, and then pack for be's house.


i cannot wait to get out of here and stay over at be's!! i mean like.. thers only 21 more hours, 1 minute, and 43 seconds left untill i'm over her house. thats how excited i am.
im counting down the minutes.

well tomorrow after school be and i are goin to chill in the library again. i sooo need to do my journal entries.


well, blah, i'm just in a really crappy mood.

with hate for her (FUCKING) step father, love for her real father, and a math final tomorrow that she knows she'll do horribly on,

r. e. m.