4.30.2005
ever since you hung up on me
i'm hung up on you
>theres some great lyrics there.
so i went to a job interview yesterday at the Y! i had to walk there from downtown and made it in the nick of time. you see, it was to be a camp counsiler for the summer day fun camp th9ing they have there! WOO HOO. i hope i get the job! it would be so much fun! to hear more details about allt he stuff he asked, just ask me online or somethign cuz i really dont feel like recalling alll his questions and allll my answers to them. it was with this guy named dan and this guy named brendan. both are very cool. we just talked about regular interview stuff. ya know, the general questions and he gave me exampes of situations and how i'd react if certain things happened. i hope i did well!
anyway, BEFORE i went to that job interview i had my history group over my house and MAN OH MAN was that an expierence. see i didnt go to school that day cuz it was good friday for all us greek people. some went, but i didnt. so my mom and i picked kate mckinnon, jamie monehan, harrison sagris, kristina papa, julie amazeen, and joe harrington up from the school. joes not really in our history group but we were going to his house anyway to get his bb guns to use for the video and figured we could just give him a ride home. first we had to stop at harrisons house, and then joes and then julies. joe has this wicked cool mp3 pplayer or something like that that shows up on the radio hahaha! 89.7 or something like that is his own station and it plays all the songs on his mp3 and he can change the songs and skip through to the middle of them and everything. anyway, we enventualyl made it to my house after picking up all the materials at everyone elses house. then we filmed and filmed and filmed using my step dads camera and by the end i was flipping out cuz no one was listening and stuff. and then some how SOMEONE (ahem.. KRISTNA.. i think hahah) ripped the curtain rod out of the wall, i mean like.. plaster and everything hahaha. oh well. its not that bad, cuz its happened before. but anyway that went um.. well. it all could have gone better cuz i was stressing out the whole time.
BEFORE that whole shebang, i was at my church. i went at 9:30 and wrapped these wires that had little sticks attached to them around carnations which was the biggest pain in the neck ever. it as with a bunch of wicked cute old ladies. that was eh, alright. but then we went downstairs and had to wrap white tool around all the red dyed eggs. johnny and maria had this wicked cool idea to put gold crosses on all of them cuz thats what they did at their old church. so him and a couple other people were painting those on and ashley, erica, vicky, and a bunch of other people were all tying ribbons around the tool after we wrapped it around. anyway then i ate a peanut butter and jelyl sandwich that i made, cuz maria brought in all the stuff. shes sooo nice and wicked welcoming haha i love it! shes like "now, i brought this over cuz i know we cant have dairy today and this is probably going to run al the way through lunch time, so here ya go".
anyway it was an interesting day.
i went out to tee time for icecream last ngiht! MMM CHOCOLATE AND PEANUTBUTTER. yeaahahhh! even though i'm not supposed to have dairy i completely forgot about that whole fasting thing. i'll do it next year.. i swear!! but yeah that was a GREAT bowl of icecream. i want just chocolate icecream with like.. chunks of peanut butter in it though. not vanillia whith chucnks of chocolate and chunks of peanut butter of it. cuz thats a whole nother thing. maybe i'll invent my own icecream. yeah, thatd be cool. i wish we had a dip n dots around here, i think that stuff is so cool! the last time i had it was about a year ago on the eigth grade trip.. yeah.
OH AND I AM SO GOING TO FAWNWANDER THIS YEAR!!!! I CANT WAITTTT!! AHHH ITS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! august 13th through 20th! woo hoo! or something like that.
school pretty much sucks right about now. i ahve so much stuff to do its crazy. yeah def failing finals when tehy come around. oh well.
so kris might be coming to ipswich!? DO YOU KNOW HOW FANTASTICALLY COOOL THAT WOULD BE!? thats what my mom said anyway. i guess his mom and mine have been chatting again haha. aww kris you totalyl should come.. please please please?! driving there would be the only prob cuz i mean, rockports about 40 minutes away or something but thats how long it tajes me to get to school, so, no biggie. but WHO would drive? hmm.. but anyway just come to my house after! or if you wanan do a sport of something, after that. and then do all your hw and my mo could drive oyu home or your mom could pick you up. yup. sounds like a nice plan to me! haha yeah im def just planning your life for you.. ooopsy.. sorry... please do come though!
eriks moving in next weekend. woo hoo! pARTAYY. yeah i think i should prob bake some cookies or something haha and be a good neighbor. well, a neighbor that lives halfway down the street. but oh well. whatadaya say?? chocolate chip maybe? i can be a good neighbor when i want to be and make people feel welcome!!!
i have to go study for a fricken map quiz i missed in history yesterday.. hah.. thank GODDDD. its on all the countries in europe and asia. yeah.. enough said. i know.. what?.. china, russia, and greece. ok so thats like a.. 5% out of 100%? something liek that.
ok so my kneees hurting right now and i dont knwo why. sitting indian style nowadays makes my legs hurt. = not good. especially cuz theres no other comfortbale way to sit on the floor in front of a little desk or something. ya know? well now that i think of it its prob not comfortable if it hurts. hehh.
oo a great song just came on. i love cristina aguilera... i think shes the greatest. even though she is kind of slutty. i love latin music, which is wierd cuz i rarely hear it but its great when i do, well anyway, heres a little taste:
He comes from a foreign place
An island far away
Intrigues me with every move
Til' I'm breathless, I'm helpless
Can't keep my cool
Steals my heart when he takes my hand
And we dance, to the rhythm of the band
I feel his finger tips grip my hips
And I slip as we dip into a state of bliss
Mama used to warn me
To beware of those Latin lovers
She said I gave my heart too soon
And that's how I became your mother
I said ay mama, you seem to forget
I'm not in love yet
Sweet talk don't win me over
But I realized
BIG BROWN EYES CAN HYPNOTIZE
When he says...
I am full blood boricua
Reads the tattoo on his arm
He tells me, mami I need ya
And my heartbeat pumps so strong
Getting lost in el ritmo
He whispers te quiero, te quiero
I begin to give in with no hesitation
Can't help my infatuation
Skin the color of cinnamon
His eyes light up and I MELT WITHIN
Feels so good it must be a sin
I can't stop what I started
I'm giving in
He brings life to my fantasies
Sparks a passion inside of me
Finds the words when I cannot speak
In the silence, his heartbeat is music to me
Mama used to warn me
Not to rush love with another
She said I'm not trying to lecture
I just care about my daughter
Ay mama, you seem to forget
I never will let
A man control my emotions
But when he smiles
I feel like a little child
When he says...
I am full blood boricua
Reads the tattoo on his arm
He tells me, mami I need ya
And my heartbeat pumps so strong
Getting lost in el ritmo
He whispers te quiero, te quiero
I begin to give in with no hesitation
Can't help my infatuation
Caught between my mama's words
And what I feel inside
I'm wanting to explore his world
But a part of me wants to hide
Should I risk it, can't resist it
This has caught me by surprise
Should I let him take me to Puerto Rico
I can't hold back no more
Let's go tonight...
INFATUATION. what a great thing to write about. its such a strong thing. an emotion really.
infatuation- a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant short-lived passion, admiration, love or attraction. in other words.. lust. we all know what lust is right? lust- an overwhelming desire or craving. interestingly enough, in the bible lust is looked upon as the origin of sin. both of these emotions cause people to loose track of common sense and judgement. so, who hasnt been a little infatuated with something before? no one. its basically an obsession, and is most oftonly an unhealthy one. so many people think theyre in love or something like it, and for all they know its because of this, this state of being infatuated with something or someone. lust may not necesarily be the motive or anything like that, but thats sometimes the case. sometimes people do stupid things. if they are infatuated with the idea of gettting attention, or being everyones role model, they can gain some unhealthy habits. maybe become greedy. greedy with lust. if people want something bad enough, theyre willing to do anything to get it. wow. can you imagine dying for something? how intense must one person be to sacrifice everything? could you imagine how much soul and power and thought they would put into something? infatuation is not love. its this screen. it goes past love. its something that gets in the way and you dont know its there. its the love that you love someone or something, but not the truth.
ok anyway, time to go to midnight service at the church! love you all.
by the way erik came over for a while haha i went down to his house first and saw it. its sooo nice! so open and stuf. i loooove it. and then he came here for dinenr and i whipped his ass at a a game of rummy. hahaha. it was greaaat.
anyway, adios!
with the need for chapstick, someone else to write three esssays for me, and a mother calling her downstairs so we;re not late to service...
>>>> <3 rachey
>theres some great lyrics there.
so i went to a job interview yesterday at the Y! i had to walk there from downtown and made it in the nick of time. you see, it was to be a camp counsiler for the summer day fun camp th9ing they have there! WOO HOO. i hope i get the job! it would be so much fun! to hear more details about allt he stuff he asked, just ask me online or somethign cuz i really dont feel like recalling alll his questions and allll my answers to them. it was with this guy named dan and this guy named brendan. both are very cool. we just talked about regular interview stuff. ya know, the general questions and he gave me exampes of situations and how i'd react if certain things happened. i hope i did well!
anyway, BEFORE i went to that job interview i had my history group over my house and MAN OH MAN was that an expierence. see i didnt go to school that day cuz it was good friday for all us greek people. some went, but i didnt. so my mom and i picked kate mckinnon, jamie monehan, harrison sagris, kristina papa, julie amazeen, and joe harrington up from the school. joes not really in our history group but we were going to his house anyway to get his bb guns to use for the video and figured we could just give him a ride home. first we had to stop at harrisons house, and then joes and then julies. joe has this wicked cool mp3 pplayer or something like that that shows up on the radio hahaha! 89.7 or something like that is his own station and it plays all the songs on his mp3 and he can change the songs and skip through to the middle of them and everything. anyway, we enventualyl made it to my house after picking up all the materials at everyone elses house. then we filmed and filmed and filmed using my step dads camera and by the end i was flipping out cuz no one was listening and stuff. and then some how SOMEONE (ahem.. KRISTNA.. i think hahah) ripped the curtain rod out of the wall, i mean like.. plaster and everything hahaha. oh well. its not that bad, cuz its happened before. but anyway that went um.. well. it all could have gone better cuz i was stressing out the whole time.
BEFORE that whole shebang, i was at my church. i went at 9:30 and wrapped these wires that had little sticks attached to them around carnations which was the biggest pain in the neck ever. it as with a bunch of wicked cute old ladies. that was eh, alright. but then we went downstairs and had to wrap white tool around all the red dyed eggs. johnny and maria had this wicked cool idea to put gold crosses on all of them cuz thats what they did at their old church. so him and a couple other people were painting those on and ashley, erica, vicky, and a bunch of other people were all tying ribbons around the tool after we wrapped it around. anyway then i ate a peanut butter and jelyl sandwich that i made, cuz maria brought in all the stuff. shes sooo nice and wicked welcoming haha i love it! shes like "now, i brought this over cuz i know we cant have dairy today and this is probably going to run al the way through lunch time, so here ya go".
anyway it was an interesting day.
i went out to tee time for icecream last ngiht! MMM CHOCOLATE AND PEANUTBUTTER. yeaahahhh! even though i'm not supposed to have dairy i completely forgot about that whole fasting thing. i'll do it next year.. i swear!! but yeah that was a GREAT bowl of icecream. i want just chocolate icecream with like.. chunks of peanut butter in it though. not vanillia whith chucnks of chocolate and chunks of peanut butter of it. cuz thats a whole nother thing. maybe i'll invent my own icecream. yeah, thatd be cool. i wish we had a dip n dots around here, i think that stuff is so cool! the last time i had it was about a year ago on the eigth grade trip.. yeah.
OH AND I AM SO GOING TO FAWNWANDER THIS YEAR!!!! I CANT WAITTTT!! AHHH ITS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! august 13th through 20th! woo hoo! or something like that.
school pretty much sucks right about now. i ahve so much stuff to do its crazy. yeah def failing finals when tehy come around. oh well.
so kris might be coming to ipswich!? DO YOU KNOW HOW FANTASTICALLY COOOL THAT WOULD BE!? thats what my mom said anyway. i guess his mom and mine have been chatting again haha. aww kris you totalyl should come.. please please please?! driving there would be the only prob cuz i mean, rockports about 40 minutes away or something but thats how long it tajes me to get to school, so, no biggie. but WHO would drive? hmm.. but anyway just come to my house after! or if you wanan do a sport of something, after that. and then do all your hw and my mo could drive oyu home or your mom could pick you up. yup. sounds like a nice plan to me! haha yeah im def just planning your life for you.. ooopsy.. sorry... please do come though!
eriks moving in next weekend. woo hoo! pARTAYY. yeah i think i should prob bake some cookies or something haha and be a good neighbor. well, a neighbor that lives halfway down the street. but oh well. whatadaya say?? chocolate chip maybe? i can be a good neighbor when i want to be and make people feel welcome!!!
i have to go study for a fricken map quiz i missed in history yesterday.. hah.. thank GODDDD. its on all the countries in europe and asia. yeah.. enough said. i know.. what?.. china, russia, and greece. ok so thats like a.. 5% out of 100%? something liek that.
ok so my kneees hurting right now and i dont knwo why. sitting indian style nowadays makes my legs hurt. = not good. especially cuz theres no other comfortbale way to sit on the floor in front of a little desk or something. ya know? well now that i think of it its prob not comfortable if it hurts. hehh.
oo a great song just came on. i love cristina aguilera... i think shes the greatest. even though she is kind of slutty. i love latin music, which is wierd cuz i rarely hear it but its great when i do, well anyway, heres a little taste:
He comes from a foreign place
An island far away
Intrigues me with every move
Til' I'm breathless, I'm helpless
Can't keep my cool
Steals my heart when he takes my hand
And we dance, to the rhythm of the band
I feel his finger tips grip my hips
And I slip as we dip into a state of bliss
Mama used to warn me
To beware of those Latin lovers
She said I gave my heart too soon
And that's how I became your mother
I said ay mama, you seem to forget
I'm not in love yet
Sweet talk don't win me over
But I realized
BIG BROWN EYES CAN HYPNOTIZE
When he says...
I am full blood boricua
Reads the tattoo on his arm
He tells me, mami I need ya
And my heartbeat pumps so strong
Getting lost in el ritmo
He whispers te quiero, te quiero
I begin to give in with no hesitation
Can't help my infatuation
Skin the color of cinnamon
His eyes light up and I MELT WITHIN
Feels so good it must be a sin
I can't stop what I started
I'm giving in
He brings life to my fantasies
Sparks a passion inside of me
Finds the words when I cannot speak
In the silence, his heartbeat is music to me
Mama used to warn me
Not to rush love with another
She said I'm not trying to lecture
I just care about my daughter
Ay mama, you seem to forget
I never will let
A man control my emotions
But when he smiles
I feel like a little child
When he says...
I am full blood boricua
Reads the tattoo on his arm
He tells me, mami I need ya
And my heartbeat pumps so strong
Getting lost in el ritmo
He whispers te quiero, te quiero
I begin to give in with no hesitation
Can't help my infatuation
Caught between my mama's words
And what I feel inside
I'm wanting to explore his world
But a part of me wants to hide
Should I risk it, can't resist it
This has caught me by surprise
Should I let him take me to Puerto Rico
I can't hold back no more
Let's go tonight...
INFATUATION. what a great thing to write about. its such a strong thing. an emotion really.
infatuation- a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant short-lived passion, admiration, love or attraction. in other words.. lust. we all know what lust is right? lust- an overwhelming desire or craving. interestingly enough, in the bible lust is looked upon as the origin of sin. both of these emotions cause people to loose track of common sense and judgement. so, who hasnt been a little infatuated with something before? no one. its basically an obsession, and is most oftonly an unhealthy one. so many people think theyre in love or something like it, and for all they know its because of this, this state of being infatuated with something or someone. lust may not necesarily be the motive or anything like that, but thats sometimes the case. sometimes people do stupid things. if they are infatuated with the idea of gettting attention, or being everyones role model, they can gain some unhealthy habits. maybe become greedy. greedy with lust. if people want something bad enough, theyre willing to do anything to get it. wow. can you imagine dying for something? how intense must one person be to sacrifice everything? could you imagine how much soul and power and thought they would put into something? infatuation is not love. its this screen. it goes past love. its something that gets in the way and you dont know its there. its the love that you love someone or something, but not the truth.
ok anyway, time to go to midnight service at the church! love you all.
by the way erik came over for a while haha i went down to his house first and saw it. its sooo nice! so open and stuf. i loooove it. and then he came here for dinenr and i whipped his ass at a a game of rummy. hahaha. it was greaaat.
anyway, adios!
with the need for chapstick, someone else to write three esssays for me, and a mother calling her downstairs so we;re not late to service...
>>>> <3 rachey
4.28.2005
well the sun is slowly sinking down
The moon is surely rising
This old world must still be spinning 'round
And I still love you
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
Well it won't be long before another day
We're gonna have a good time
No one's gonna take that time away
And you can stay as long as you like
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
oh man am i tierd. i'm skippin school tomorrow. i dont have to go- religious holiday for all us greeks! i'm gonna go to the church and help make it pretty for the service and such. update later!
i went to rowley today, it was just pete matt and i, which was cool land then richy was playin a bit and we took a break and hung out with matts little sister whos soooo much fun, shes wicked cute and reminds me a lot of demitra. like.. a lot. she was drawing portraits of everyone. *Sigh* i can remember those second grade days.
so all that depressed shitick that i was talkin about a while ago, it's over now, i'm all sorted out. yay horay!
by the way, that song up there is a lullaby that my mom used to sing to me when i was little. whenever i hear it i cry. [tear] its just sooo pretty. you've got to hear it, cuz its just THAT powerful. LINDA RONSTADT- CLOSE YOUR EYES
goodnight my lovers, rachel
This old world must still be spinning 'round
And I still love you
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
Well it won't be long before another day
We're gonna have a good time
No one's gonna take that time away
And you can stay as long as you like
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
So close your eyes
You can close your eyes it's alright
I don't know no love song
I can't sing the blues anymore
But I can sing this song
You can sing this song when I'm gone
oh man am i tierd. i'm skippin school tomorrow. i dont have to go- religious holiday for all us greeks! i'm gonna go to the church and help make it pretty for the service and such. update later!
i went to rowley today, it was just pete matt and i, which was cool land then richy was playin a bit and we took a break and hung out with matts little sister whos soooo much fun, shes wicked cute and reminds me a lot of demitra. like.. a lot. she was drawing portraits of everyone. *Sigh* i can remember those second grade days.
so all that depressed shitick that i was talkin about a while ago, it's over now, i'm all sorted out. yay horay!
by the way, that song up there is a lullaby that my mom used to sing to me when i was little. whenever i hear it i cry. [tear] its just sooo pretty. you've got to hear it, cuz its just THAT powerful. LINDA RONSTADT- CLOSE YOUR EYES
goodnight my lovers, rachel
4.27.2005
the word that i heard
was so absurd
i can hardly believe
it slipped
from my lips
i just realized that when we say we're making new friends... we're being literal. when you become friends with someone, do you change at all? maybe learn to like a band you never heard of, grow up a little na dmove on to more mature things, become interested in an old hobby?
i wish i could write more buts its really 11pm here. i'll write tomorrow maybe. maybe.
time to start homework and clean my room... yesss.
[pissed off]
bye now,
with chapped lips and a headache, and the long to write something meaningful,
>> <3 rachel
i can hardly believe
it slipped
from my lips
i just realized that when we say we're making new friends... we're being literal. when you become friends with someone, do you change at all? maybe learn to like a band you never heard of, grow up a little na dmove on to more mature things, become interested in an old hobby?
i wish i could write more buts its really 11pm here. i'll write tomorrow maybe. maybe.
time to start homework and clean my room... yesss.
[pissed off]
bye now,
with chapped lips and a headache, and the long to write something meaningful,
>> <3 rachel
4.25.2005
i am so not in the mood
to even tell a joke right now
to even shed a smile for you.
it's been a long day and i havn't a clue what i'm doing online at 10:30 at night when i'd much ratherd be sleeping.
i'm afraid to wake up tomorrow. its kinda like how you never want to get up in the morning to face the day. except i'm taking it on egiant step further. i knwo that if i fall asleep i'm only setting myself up for that dissapointing thought. so, i am just going to stay up. why not? i mean, i dont have a big test or anything tomorrow. at least.. i dont think i do.
whatever. when life hits ya hard: write about it. thats my motto.
so i was being my usual reflective self a few minutes ago and i came across one of my most beloved entries. i'm going to copy and paste a section in here.
mind the spelling errors please.
congratulations america, you have just won the grand prize for being the most materialistic, rich, lazy, stuck up country in the world. how do you feel?
guilty? shameful? disgusted? embarrased? yeah... that's what i thought. we have to respect what we have. because if we dont respect it, then it is usless. either respect it, or let it go and send your good luck to someone who NEEDS it. we are greedy. if we want it, then we get it. by any means nesacerry. however, not exactly by any means. if it doesn't take too much effort, thats when we go for the gold. if it's out of reach and you're not flexible, then forget it. be flexible. be flexible with your mind and your spirit and our thoughts. think for once that you really can do anything, just like they told us in kindgergarden.
actually, let's go back to kindergarden for a second. when they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, what did we say? vet. doctor. teacher. artist. astronaut. we said these things because at age six, we were optimists. however when we got a taste of drama and saddness, we became pessimists. our pessimist selves began closing doors as the years went on. now, highschool students, our jobs are waitresses, fast food servers, babysitters, and pizza place workers. now, i am not saying for one second that these are lowly jobs. however, this is not the road we intended to be on when we were five and six year olds. if our kindergarden self were to say their opinion on our actions, what do you think they'd say? they would be crushed. their innocent, naieve minds would not be able to handle such a concept. this concept being that people loose hope and let their dreams swim around in the gutter. here we are, pitying ourselves when we bring upon our misery by giving into stress and anxiety and pressure. when we were little, we were blessed with an outlook on life that was clean, fresh, pure. whats your outlook right now? i hear to ofton storys of how a teen hates their mother or father for sheltering them or forbidding them to do things. why do you think they do this? our parents try to shelter us from the evil the world, not from the good. they don't want us to grow up to nothing. they have our dreams. those dreams that we lost hope in are still locked into thier minds. they know us as excited, happy, laughing six year olds who knew exactly what they wanted in life. they wanted to be happy. to be known. however, this greed for happyness turned us into dark unappreciate souls and has stretched into shaky terratory. now we want to be popular. because we feel the only way we will be happy is if we have everyones attention. sure we may not get the same kind of attention as we did when we were in kindergarden, but that does not mean that we dont get the attention. we want good, cool clothes. the only good, cool clothes are worn by the popluar people. if we wear the clothes we get the looks. to get the clothes we have to get the money. fall back on the parents just as we did before. we are using our youngminded ways to get what we want. we are smart. forceful. demanding. our parents want what is best for us. and when the opinions collide, so do insults and threats. we know it too. we know we can't depend on our parents forever. we have to live. but we cant live without happiness. we can't possibly live without the popularity, the cool clothes, the perfecty guy. of course not. being happy and carefree and simlpe is just... unheared of. look around you. we're having a crisis. look at you. look the mirrior. are you happy with what you see? are happy being stared at and judged by your own self? what are you unhappy with? your hair? your cheeks? your eyeshadow? your lipstick? no, those are perfect because you use the best of the best hair supplies and acne cream and makeup. you have to, or else you wouldn't get the attention. then why are you so sad? why do you feel liek you have to turn away, you can't bear to look at that pretty face of yours? is it because you know all of the pain and suffering that goes on behind that mask? that perfect mask of yours hides what you want, but holds the truth back. after being held back for so long, the truth just slips away. you forget who you are. who your friends are... or were. what can we do about this? are oyu happy not having your old life? you've completely changed your lifestyle to fit the likings of someone who doesn't even know you. people are cruel. they take advantage of the insecure. you are insecure. and you know it. you're frightened. are these people really your friends? will they be there for you through thick and thin? are you sure of this? you are risking everything. your happyness, your grades, your friendships, your relationships, your life. you are risking your life. risking your life is like handing someone your heart and saying "i don't care about what you do with this." your heart and soul. your spirt. mind. body. emotions. you are just asking to get in trouble. how does it feel to be in constant fear of someone finding the truth about who you really are. someone uncovering a path of lies that's never ending. how would you feel, if you were the person to uncover the lies of a "best friend"? a lifetime of untruthful promises, just waiting to end up in the gutter with all your lost dreams. i've just uncovered the emotions and concious sadness hiding behind that mask of yours. you're not alone you know, everyone tries to please and be pleased. shame, would be thinking your the only one. which you're not. nothign to be afria dof except for now, you know that some people jsut aren't going to liek you for who you are. and that's ok. you don't need all eyes on you. sure, a few or more would be nice. but not everyone. plus living int he spot light leads to insanity. perfectionism. eating disorders. stress. depression. so why take the risk int he first place? srue everyone does anyway, even if they do knwo the possible consequences in advance. it's like gambling, only instead of with money, it's with your happyness. i know plenty of poor people who are happy with what they have. because they don't feel like they have to have anything more, because it would be usless. why try to make youreslf more happy with the risk of dissapointement, when you're perfectly content? my friends, gambeling is not only in Las Vegas, but also in your mind. we gamble all the time. we bet. we lose. we win. but when you win, do you add to your collection? or do completely forget about all you had and begin a new life? do you leave your friends to fend for themselves when you just hit the jacpot? or do you bring them along for the ride of your lives? do you forget those most loyal to you because you plan to begin a new life? why rid of somethin that is constant. constant support, constant friendships, constant laughter. constant love. isn't that what we want? to be loved? to be appreciated? why be appreciated for something you aren't? they don't appreciate you. they appreciate your money. your clothes. your cars. your friends. you looks. but they do not appreciate you becaues they don't know you. why risk getting to know someone when they could be secretly insecure. they could be weak. they could be usure of everything. but ehy are our hearos. adn we want nothing to spiol that image, so we chose not to get to know them. we need stability in our lives. we can't handel people close to us not being alright. we need them to be ok.a nd to avioud the chance that they aren't, we refuse to let ourselves to get close to them..
i hope youre all in the mood for a little more ranting cuz i'm not done just yet.
i've been thinking recently about a lot of things. today when i walked into school i saw a bunch of drones walking around. whats the cool thing now? layers, tight jeans, low v-necks, straight long hair.
i got to thinking about the song flavor of the weak by american hi-fi. i bet most of us know it. no, i know its about a guy who is completely oblivious towards his girlfriend, and thats not what this is about at all. its more just about the title. i'm going to take it and apply it to something different. bear with me.
years later i look at myself
and smile at the pictures i see
here and now they sit on a shelf
theres one of mom and me.
at only age one i smiled a ton
and theres mom, sprouting a grin
could we have been having any more fun?
i remember she bought that pin.
though only a small insignificant piece
it now sure means a whole lot
the shirts now have some folds and a crease
those clothes for me, she bought
none of them fit, though i wish they would
if only i hadn't of grown
i'd squeeze into them- if only i could
and plus some need to be sewn
the birthday and christmas cards will fade
they used to look so new
as well as all those concerts i played
in the livingroom and at school
these memories will fade to dust
and scatter all throughout
and all the details will slowly rust
and bounce around about
no knows how much it meant
to recieve such a precious gift
not once did it ever get bent
my spirits it always did lift.
so now here i sit alone and alive
on the floor in my old room
trying not to shed a tear or cry
stairing up at the moon
cuz all i can think about
is this small hair pin
and us going out
into the bright city of lynn
and watching the birds
sing and fly around
and the one that landed
without a sound
onto the pin
in the city of lynn
on that sun shiny day
in the middle of may
ok so that wasnt where i was going with it at all. that all just sorta came out. ok i guess i'll give my other sermon another day. i kinda like the A B C B rythem and style, rather than the A B A B style. tell me what you think is better. and the reason that the last couple of stanzas dont have spaces between them: there isnt one. i jus figued i'd switch it up a bit.
ok well i have to go get chap stick still.
thank you, you-know-who.
to even shed a smile for you.
it's been a long day and i havn't a clue what i'm doing online at 10:30 at night when i'd much ratherd be sleeping.
i'm afraid to wake up tomorrow. its kinda like how you never want to get up in the morning to face the day. except i'm taking it on egiant step further. i knwo that if i fall asleep i'm only setting myself up for that dissapointing thought. so, i am just going to stay up. why not? i mean, i dont have a big test or anything tomorrow. at least.. i dont think i do.
whatever. when life hits ya hard: write about it. thats my motto.
so i was being my usual reflective self a few minutes ago and i came across one of my most beloved entries. i'm going to copy and paste a section in here.
mind the spelling errors please.
congratulations america, you have just won the grand prize for being the most materialistic, rich, lazy, stuck up country in the world. how do you feel?
guilty? shameful? disgusted? embarrased? yeah... that's what i thought. we have to respect what we have. because if we dont respect it, then it is usless. either respect it, or let it go and send your good luck to someone who NEEDS it. we are greedy. if we want it, then we get it. by any means nesacerry. however, not exactly by any means. if it doesn't take too much effort, thats when we go for the gold. if it's out of reach and you're not flexible, then forget it. be flexible. be flexible with your mind and your spirit and our thoughts. think for once that you really can do anything, just like they told us in kindgergarden.
actually, let's go back to kindergarden for a second. when they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, what did we say? vet. doctor. teacher. artist. astronaut. we said these things because at age six, we were optimists. however when we got a taste of drama and saddness, we became pessimists. our pessimist selves began closing doors as the years went on. now, highschool students, our jobs are waitresses, fast food servers, babysitters, and pizza place workers. now, i am not saying for one second that these are lowly jobs. however, this is not the road we intended to be on when we were five and six year olds. if our kindergarden self were to say their opinion on our actions, what do you think they'd say? they would be crushed. their innocent, naieve minds would not be able to handle such a concept. this concept being that people loose hope and let their dreams swim around in the gutter. here we are, pitying ourselves when we bring upon our misery by giving into stress and anxiety and pressure. when we were little, we were blessed with an outlook on life that was clean, fresh, pure. whats your outlook right now? i hear to ofton storys of how a teen hates their mother or father for sheltering them or forbidding them to do things. why do you think they do this? our parents try to shelter us from the evil the world, not from the good. they don't want us to grow up to nothing. they have our dreams. those dreams that we lost hope in are still locked into thier minds. they know us as excited, happy, laughing six year olds who knew exactly what they wanted in life. they wanted to be happy. to be known. however, this greed for happyness turned us into dark unappreciate souls and has stretched into shaky terratory. now we want to be popular. because we feel the only way we will be happy is if we have everyones attention. sure we may not get the same kind of attention as we did when we were in kindergarden, but that does not mean that we dont get the attention. we want good, cool clothes. the only good, cool clothes are worn by the popluar people. if we wear the clothes we get the looks. to get the clothes we have to get the money. fall back on the parents just as we did before. we are using our youngminded ways to get what we want. we are smart. forceful. demanding. our parents want what is best for us. and when the opinions collide, so do insults and threats. we know it too. we know we can't depend on our parents forever. we have to live. but we cant live without happiness. we can't possibly live without the popularity, the cool clothes, the perfecty guy. of course not. being happy and carefree and simlpe is just... unheared of. look around you. we're having a crisis. look at you. look the mirrior. are you happy with what you see? are happy being stared at and judged by your own self? what are you unhappy with? your hair? your cheeks? your eyeshadow? your lipstick? no, those are perfect because you use the best of the best hair supplies and acne cream and makeup. you have to, or else you wouldn't get the attention. then why are you so sad? why do you feel liek you have to turn away, you can't bear to look at that pretty face of yours? is it because you know all of the pain and suffering that goes on behind that mask? that perfect mask of yours hides what you want, but holds the truth back. after being held back for so long, the truth just slips away. you forget who you are. who your friends are... or were. what can we do about this? are oyu happy not having your old life? you've completely changed your lifestyle to fit the likings of someone who doesn't even know you. people are cruel. they take advantage of the insecure. you are insecure. and you know it. you're frightened. are these people really your friends? will they be there for you through thick and thin? are you sure of this? you are risking everything. your happyness, your grades, your friendships, your relationships, your life. you are risking your life. risking your life is like handing someone your heart and saying "i don't care about what you do with this." your heart and soul. your spirt. mind. body. emotions. you are just asking to get in trouble. how does it feel to be in constant fear of someone finding the truth about who you really are. someone uncovering a path of lies that's never ending. how would you feel, if you were the person to uncover the lies of a "best friend"? a lifetime of untruthful promises, just waiting to end up in the gutter with all your lost dreams. i've just uncovered the emotions and concious sadness hiding behind that mask of yours. you're not alone you know, everyone tries to please and be pleased. shame, would be thinking your the only one. which you're not. nothign to be afria dof except for now, you know that some people jsut aren't going to liek you for who you are. and that's ok. you don't need all eyes on you. sure, a few or more would be nice. but not everyone. plus living int he spot light leads to insanity. perfectionism. eating disorders. stress. depression. so why take the risk int he first place? srue everyone does anyway, even if they do knwo the possible consequences in advance. it's like gambling, only instead of with money, it's with your happyness. i know plenty of poor people who are happy with what they have. because they don't feel like they have to have anything more, because it would be usless. why try to make youreslf more happy with the risk of dissapointement, when you're perfectly content? my friends, gambeling is not only in Las Vegas, but also in your mind. we gamble all the time. we bet. we lose. we win. but when you win, do you add to your collection? or do completely forget about all you had and begin a new life? do you leave your friends to fend for themselves when you just hit the jacpot? or do you bring them along for the ride of your lives? do you forget those most loyal to you because you plan to begin a new life? why rid of somethin that is constant. constant support, constant friendships, constant laughter. constant love. isn't that what we want? to be loved? to be appreciated? why be appreciated for something you aren't? they don't appreciate you. they appreciate your money. your clothes. your cars. your friends. you looks. but they do not appreciate you becaues they don't know you. why risk getting to know someone when they could be secretly insecure. they could be weak. they could be usure of everything. but ehy are our hearos. adn we want nothing to spiol that image, so we chose not to get to know them. we need stability in our lives. we can't handel people close to us not being alright. we need them to be ok.a nd to avioud the chance that they aren't, we refuse to let ourselves to get close to them..
i hope youre all in the mood for a little more ranting cuz i'm not done just yet.
i've been thinking recently about a lot of things. today when i walked into school i saw a bunch of drones walking around. whats the cool thing now? layers, tight jeans, low v-necks, straight long hair.
i got to thinking about the song flavor of the weak by american hi-fi. i bet most of us know it. no, i know its about a guy who is completely oblivious towards his girlfriend, and thats not what this is about at all. its more just about the title. i'm going to take it and apply it to something different. bear with me.
years later i look at myself
and smile at the pictures i see
here and now they sit on a shelf
theres one of mom and me.
at only age one i smiled a ton
and theres mom, sprouting a grin
could we have been having any more fun?
i remember she bought that pin.
though only a small insignificant piece
it now sure means a whole lot
the shirts now have some folds and a crease
those clothes for me, she bought
none of them fit, though i wish they would
if only i hadn't of grown
i'd squeeze into them- if only i could
and plus some need to be sewn
the birthday and christmas cards will fade
they used to look so new
as well as all those concerts i played
in the livingroom and at school
these memories will fade to dust
and scatter all throughout
and all the details will slowly rust
and bounce around about
no knows how much it meant
to recieve such a precious gift
not once did it ever get bent
my spirits it always did lift.
so now here i sit alone and alive
on the floor in my old room
trying not to shed a tear or cry
stairing up at the moon
cuz all i can think about
is this small hair pin
and us going out
into the bright city of lynn
and watching the birds
sing and fly around
and the one that landed
without a sound
onto the pin
in the city of lynn
on that sun shiny day
in the middle of may
ok so that wasnt where i was going with it at all. that all just sorta came out. ok i guess i'll give my other sermon another day. i kinda like the A B C B rythem and style, rather than the A B A B style. tell me what you think is better. and the reason that the last couple of stanzas dont have spaces between them: there isnt one. i jus figued i'd switch it up a bit.
ok well i have to go get chap stick still.
thank you, you-know-who.
Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined toggether that it is inconceivable that you should ever part because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness. It is not excitement. It is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
-capitan corellis mandolin. thank about it. i think thats a great passage. it's really really really important.
so i just wish some things werent so damn confusing. did i already update today? i think i did actually. oh well.
mi love, kayla lyn callahan came over today and spent a wiicked long time. the funniest thing EVER happened. see, we were sitting on my bed, sideways, so our legs were hangin off the side, ya know. and i had my legs just down on the floor cuz i had my laptop on my lap. and she goes. OMG RACHEL. n i'm like WHAT. and shes liek LOOK IN THE MIRROR. and starts cracking up. and see, she has her feet up on my chair, and it has like.. arm rests so from her calf down, if you're looking from the side, youj cant see, and the mirror was next to us. so you see half of kaylas leg, and since mine are at the same level and theyre right nnext to hers, you couldnt really see them, but since i had my feet down, you could see from my calf down. so it looked like someones legs. haha it was GREAT. so then obviuosly cuz im such a cool cat i took a picture. aaand yeah i dono if it came out but it was sooo so so funny. yeah.. we had some fun.
sooo anyway. i have wicked chapped lips. and i totally need to fix that problem.
with chapped lips and confusion,
>> <3 rachel miller
-capitan corellis mandolin. thank about it. i think thats a great passage. it's really really really important.
so i just wish some things werent so damn confusing. did i already update today? i think i did actually. oh well.
mi love, kayla lyn callahan came over today and spent a wiicked long time. the funniest thing EVER happened. see, we were sitting on my bed, sideways, so our legs were hangin off the side, ya know. and i had my legs just down on the floor cuz i had my laptop on my lap. and she goes. OMG RACHEL. n i'm like WHAT. and shes liek LOOK IN THE MIRROR. and starts cracking up. and see, she has her feet up on my chair, and it has like.. arm rests so from her calf down, if you're looking from the side, youj cant see, and the mirror was next to us. so you see half of kaylas leg, and since mine are at the same level and theyre right nnext to hers, you couldnt really see them, but since i had my feet down, you could see from my calf down. so it looked like someones legs. haha it was GREAT. so then obviuosly cuz im such a cool cat i took a picture. aaand yeah i dono if it came out but it was sooo so so funny. yeah.. we had some fun.
sooo anyway. i have wicked chapped lips. and i totally need to fix that problem.
with chapped lips and confusion,
>> <3 rachel miller
you're a real tough cookie
with a long history
of breakin' little hearts
like the one in me
thats ok, lets see how you do it
put up your dukes
lets get down to it
i hate thaking the fricken bus. i just want to kill all those little stupid sixth and seventh graders. i mean... honeslty.. i'd rather walk the 7 miles home than take that stupid bus home. they're soooo gross and immature i was THIS CLOSE to running down the aisle with my hands out and slapping them all.
school was alright today. in bio we've decided to do a video for our presentation. this is the ecology project we're tlakina botu here.. ya know.. the one thats practically half our grade. in my gourp is pete, ali, emma, derek and me. it should be good even if derek decides to enrich us all with his fricken vacation stories about how he got drunk like every night. i mean.. hey.. lest CHANGE THE TOPIC. hes like "yahhh we're so bringin a bucnh of beer to the beach and gettin drunk" cuz we have to go to good harbor beach in gloucester. i'm like "yahhh we're so not bringing you to the beach to get drunk" ehh i hate people like that. i mean.. its one thing to not do your work when youre workin in a group. it's another thing to not do your work and indulge us in your fricken stupid fantasies.
in chorus, i had fun. its wierd like, i'm all into it now hahah. now that i know what we're doing, that is. i practiced our songs over vaca.. yeah i know.. i feel sorta like really geeky but it helped a lot. all those sharps and flats and stuff, well, i dont knwo which notes they are haha. cuz i mean, it takes to much time to find the note on the page and then follow the line to the beginning of that mesure thing to see if theres a flat or sharp symbol there. cuz by then we've moved on and are on that next note. maybe i should wear glasses for chorus. ...or maybe not
soo in lunch i decided to tell a few stories of my own. cept, mine were 100% true. i indulged (haha love that word) nina and jenny and brit in the details of my vaca. i was talking for 25 minutes strait, i mean like,... dont-even-pause-to-breathe-kind-of-talking. and its pretty funyn cuz the entire cafe was quiet and then i realized how loud i had gotten. i mean like.. i was really gettin into it! i had sooo much fun this vacation!!! and i made sure EVERYONE knew it. hahah. yah but when the bell rang i ended up throwing my entire sandwich away. i took ONE bite haha. and then i realized that i prob should have eaten more, tlkaed less cuz i wasnt gonna eat for another 4 hours. but oh well. i was too wound up in telling my story. haha nina and i were laughing our fucking asses of the whole time. and then jamie started making fun of me cuz i'm a hand talker. i dono, when i wave my hands in the air it just helps me get my point across! dont ask me why, its just a habit. i think i get it from ym mom. haha just ask erik and bret if you wanan know what that has to do about (HAHAH)! but anyway... yah so if you wanna hear that whole story just give me a call and i'll gladly explain to you my fun filled vacation.
in art, which i actgualyl had BEFORE lunch we did this wicked stupid thing and said how bad other peoples projects were. i was liek "oo this is nice, we;re really supportive people" cuz we;re all ike "well its all messsy and they drew stick figures instaead of real people and it doesnt make sense" blahblahblah. but then we got to work on our own comic strips. i love mine brits and jennys! im so happy with the way its turning out. i feel kinda bad cuz i dont mean to, but i feel like im taking over. and i totalllly dont want to be. i mean.. theyre just so go-with-the-flow that i'm like "do you guys ahve any objectives? what do you think we should do" and theyre like "i like that idea, its fine just keep going" i mean like.. ahh. someone please disagree!
i mean sure i love to argue with people haha, and OCCASIONALLY i'll look for a fight but thats hardley ever and with people who i dont like at all. but please be a little less passive and little more agressive. i like being the leader when i'm supposed to be. but i dont like taking over. i mean, this always happens! in bio it was happening a ton! i was the only one coming up with ideas. i think that might be cuz everyone was too wrapped up in derkes stories but STILL.
what we did in english wasnt important. other than the fact that ms.bascom had story time and told us a story. it was the thre little pigs, only different. cuz it was from the wolfs point of view. i already had the book and have read it like five bagillion times so i didnt really pay attention. cept.. see ... she was makinga lll these wiiicked funny sounds that everyone was cracking up. she did what kindergartener teachers do. she made a different voice for each character, and then totalllly exaggerated the parts where she had to sneeze. i was liek "whoa there.. maybe i shouldnt have sat next to you" but oh well. whatahyagonnado sometimes.
in history we're starting a enw project that has to do with the war of 1812. my group is julie, jamie, kristina, and harrison (and me obviously) and we have to do the treaty of ghent. WOO HOO FUN! ... not. turns out it in 1814. NICE ONE SIMMS. i'm beginning to not like him. we're supposed to make a video (haha yeah.. sound familiar) and its gonan be a newsbroadcast and stuff but the thing is... everyones busy. julie has lacrosse, harrison has to work, i have dance and physical therepy (GRR) and kristina has track. i dono what jamie has but whatever. so we're all pissed of cuz its due in class on friday. we have to get info, and make a story board, and film it and edit it and everything in THREE DAYS. .. um.. excuse me?? i complained to simms about it and hes like "nope, its friday and thats that" so im like "BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN HEAR ME OUT" so then i was yelling at him in the library abuot how its not gonan get done and hes like "well ms.miller you're busy on saturday anyway." and then i wa sliek "no im not cuz i cant do track this week, you saw the note, my doctor wont let" and hes like 'well what about all the other people in this class that are busy with track on saturday?" and im like "well what about all these people who dont have plans on sundays?" and hes like "ms.miller, go return to youer group, its due friday and thats it." and then a couple other people complained but i mean.. GOSHHH. and we pointed out that kristina can legally (so to speak) stkip track cuz school comes before sports and that really put him on the spot cuz hes the coach haha. and hes like 'wel what are you gonan tell the other coaches! that you have to do a project for me? i'll get fired from being a coach" and we're liek "aww boo hoo that would be DEVASTATING" heh. yah. pftttt.
but anyway here i am, telling oyu about my day, and downloading songs from the internet. i foudn this program thats [illegal] ahem but its free and thats what i need cuz im dirt poor.
so... how was your day?
i've talked so much today im ready to duct tape my mouth up myself. i'm listening to my new killers cd. its AWESOMEEE. i love it. i got an american hi-fi cd too. ME GUSTA LOS DISCOS COMPACTOS PORQUE BAILAR Y CANTAR ES MI FAVORITA ACTIVIDAD DESPUES LAS CLASES.
i'm kinda hungry now that i'm sitting her and doing tonight. and considering i didnt eat lunch cuz i was too busy chatting away. gosh..thats when you knwo youre a talkoholic- when youre too busy to eat. hah.
everything will be alriiiiight! [sung in a british 80's punk rock tone] [followed by a guitar solo]
>smile< like you mean it!
with anticipation for the next day, some food, a pillow and a blanket, an electric guitar {WHICH MY DAD SAID HE MAY GET ME IF IM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS 'I WANNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY' THING}, a nice warm shower, and a homework machine,
>> <3 miss rachel <- te he i love my little dance class! theyre so cute! i cant wait to see them again on wednesday!!
of breakin' little hearts
like the one in me
thats ok, lets see how you do it
put up your dukes
lets get down to it
i hate thaking the fricken bus. i just want to kill all those little stupid sixth and seventh graders. i mean... honeslty.. i'd rather walk the 7 miles home than take that stupid bus home. they're soooo gross and immature i was THIS CLOSE to running down the aisle with my hands out and slapping them all.
school was alright today. in bio we've decided to do a video for our presentation. this is the ecology project we're tlakina botu here.. ya know.. the one thats practically half our grade. in my gourp is pete, ali, emma, derek and me. it should be good even if derek decides to enrich us all with his fricken vacation stories about how he got drunk like every night. i mean.. hey.. lest CHANGE THE TOPIC. hes like "yahhh we're so bringin a bucnh of beer to the beach and gettin drunk" cuz we have to go to good harbor beach in gloucester. i'm like "yahhh we're so not bringing you to the beach to get drunk" ehh i hate people like that. i mean.. its one thing to not do your work when youre workin in a group. it's another thing to not do your work and indulge us in your fricken stupid fantasies.
in chorus, i had fun. its wierd like, i'm all into it now hahah. now that i know what we're doing, that is. i practiced our songs over vaca.. yeah i know.. i feel sorta like really geeky but it helped a lot. all those sharps and flats and stuff, well, i dont knwo which notes they are haha. cuz i mean, it takes to much time to find the note on the page and then follow the line to the beginning of that mesure thing to see if theres a flat or sharp symbol there. cuz by then we've moved on and are on that next note. maybe i should wear glasses for chorus. ...or maybe not
soo in lunch i decided to tell a few stories of my own. cept, mine were 100% true. i indulged (haha love that word) nina and jenny and brit in the details of my vaca. i was talking for 25 minutes strait, i mean like,... dont-even-pause-to-breathe-kind-of-talking. and its pretty funyn cuz the entire cafe was quiet and then i realized how loud i had gotten. i mean like.. i was really gettin into it! i had sooo much fun this vacation!!! and i made sure EVERYONE knew it. hahah. yah but when the bell rang i ended up throwing my entire sandwich away. i took ONE bite haha. and then i realized that i prob should have eaten more, tlkaed less cuz i wasnt gonna eat for another 4 hours. but oh well. i was too wound up in telling my story. haha nina and i were laughing our fucking asses of the whole time. and then jamie started making fun of me cuz i'm a hand talker. i dono, when i wave my hands in the air it just helps me get my point across! dont ask me why, its just a habit. i think i get it from ym mom. haha just ask erik and bret if you wanan know what that has to do about (HAHAH)! but anyway... yah so if you wanna hear that whole story just give me a call and i'll gladly explain to you my fun filled vacation.
in art, which i actgualyl had BEFORE lunch we did this wicked stupid thing and said how bad other peoples projects were. i was liek "oo this is nice, we;re really supportive people" cuz we;re all ike "well its all messsy and they drew stick figures instaead of real people and it doesnt make sense" blahblahblah. but then we got to work on our own comic strips. i love mine brits and jennys! im so happy with the way its turning out. i feel kinda bad cuz i dont mean to, but i feel like im taking over. and i totalllly dont want to be. i mean.. theyre just so go-with-the-flow that i'm like "do you guys ahve any objectives? what do you think we should do" and theyre like "i like that idea, its fine just keep going" i mean like.. ahh. someone please disagree!
i mean sure i love to argue with people haha, and OCCASIONALLY i'll look for a fight but thats hardley ever and with people who i dont like at all. but please be a little less passive and little more agressive. i like being the leader when i'm supposed to be. but i dont like taking over. i mean, this always happens! in bio it was happening a ton! i was the only one coming up with ideas. i think that might be cuz everyone was too wrapped up in derkes stories but STILL.
what we did in english wasnt important. other than the fact that ms.bascom had story time and told us a story. it was the thre little pigs, only different. cuz it was from the wolfs point of view. i already had the book and have read it like five bagillion times so i didnt really pay attention. cept.. see ... she was makinga lll these wiiicked funny sounds that everyone was cracking up. she did what kindergartener teachers do. she made a different voice for each character, and then totalllly exaggerated the parts where she had to sneeze. i was liek "whoa there.. maybe i shouldnt have sat next to you" but oh well. whatahyagonnado sometimes.
in history we're starting a enw project that has to do with the war of 1812. my group is julie, jamie, kristina, and harrison (and me obviously) and we have to do the treaty of ghent. WOO HOO FUN! ... not. turns out it in 1814. NICE ONE SIMMS. i'm beginning to not like him. we're supposed to make a video (haha yeah.. sound familiar) and its gonan be a newsbroadcast and stuff but the thing is... everyones busy. julie has lacrosse, harrison has to work, i have dance and physical therepy (GRR) and kristina has track. i dono what jamie has but whatever. so we're all pissed of cuz its due in class on friday. we have to get info, and make a story board, and film it and edit it and everything in THREE DAYS. .. um.. excuse me?? i complained to simms about it and hes like "nope, its friday and thats that" so im like "BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN HEAR ME OUT" so then i was yelling at him in the library abuot how its not gonan get done and hes like "well ms.miller you're busy on saturday anyway." and then i wa sliek "no im not cuz i cant do track this week, you saw the note, my doctor wont let" and hes like 'well what about all the other people in this class that are busy with track on saturday?" and im like "well what about all these people who dont have plans on sundays?" and hes like "ms.miller, go return to youer group, its due friday and thats it." and then a couple other people complained but i mean.. GOSHHH. and we pointed out that kristina can legally (so to speak) stkip track cuz school comes before sports and that really put him on the spot cuz hes the coach haha. and hes like 'wel what are you gonan tell the other coaches! that you have to do a project for me? i'll get fired from being a coach" and we're liek "aww boo hoo that would be DEVASTATING" heh. yah. pftttt.
but anyway here i am, telling oyu about my day, and downloading songs from the internet. i foudn this program thats [illegal] ahem but its free and thats what i need cuz im dirt poor.
so... how was your day?
i've talked so much today im ready to duct tape my mouth up myself. i'm listening to my new killers cd. its AWESOMEEE. i love it. i got an american hi-fi cd too. ME GUSTA LOS DISCOS COMPACTOS PORQUE BAILAR Y CANTAR ES MI FAVORITA ACTIVIDAD DESPUES LAS CLASES.
i'm kinda hungry now that i'm sitting her and doing tonight. and considering i didnt eat lunch cuz i was too busy chatting away. gosh..thats when you knwo youre a talkoholic- when youre too busy to eat. hah.
everything will be alriiiiight! [sung in a british 80's punk rock tone] [followed by a guitar solo]
>smile< like you mean it!
with anticipation for the next day, some food, a pillow and a blanket, an electric guitar {WHICH MY DAD SAID HE MAY GET ME IF IM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS 'I WANNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY' THING}, a nice warm shower, and a homework machine,
>> <3 miss rachel <- te he i love my little dance class! theyre so cute! i cant wait to see them again on wednesday!!
4.24.2005
Looking back at the sunsets on the eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
I GOT SOUL BUT I'M NOT A SOLDIER
...the killers
SO GUESS WHAT. i went to that band practice. i met some cool kids and saw some cool kids that i already knew. matt and richy, the brothers, the guitarist and the drummer, have suuch awesome parents! i mean.. what kind of parent lets their kid take over the livingroom (or something) and designates it to their kids. i mean.... they were practicing SOO loud it was crazzzy. i was liek "wow my mom would NEVER go for this" haha. theyre like 'WOO HOOO" not even complaining about the noise. it was insaneee. everyones sooo good. i was like "whoa i feel like an underachiever" hahaha and they know a bunch of those power songs. ya know, the ones with guitar solos and wicked strong beginnings and stuff. its soo cool. well if you cant tell already i had a blast. and yeah.. i was there to sing and obviuosly, they expected me too. i wiicked didnt wanna but i didnt wanna say that cuz i mean.. thats what i was there for. so after procrastinating for about 20 minutes i finally gave in and sung No Doubt 'dont speak' which was alright i guess. a bunch of my notes were flat, and like.. i knew it. haha cuz the mic's were sooo loud i was like "AHH SHOOT EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME SCREW UP" but thankfully no one said anything. not that i expected them too, but they were all just so supportive and i was like "THANK YOU GOD" hahahah. and then they did californication which i didnt do cuz i dont have the lyrics memorized and man can they play. haha sorry im just like. . in awe. but yeah it was great. and then everyones parents showed up, yes, including mine and matts mom carolin was like "OO RACHEL SING THAT NO DOUBT SONG FOR YOUR MOM" and i was like "ehhhh umm.." but yeah i ended up doing that and i could see my mom in the kitchen like.. waving and dancing and stuff and i was just thinkin to myself "OH GOODNESS" hahaha. but we were all laughin and having a partaaay. well carolin and my mom were talkin about which songs we could do, cuz, i'm a girl so some songs it just wouldnt make sense to sing. like are you gonna be my girl. so theyre liek "oo pat benetar!!" and i would SO go for that. i mean.. i know allll her songs like the back of my hand. but now i just gotta talk to everyone else and like.. force the idea upon them. well.. not FORCE. i mean, if i bring it up i just hope they say its ok. hahah. i have to learn a bunch. cuz they already know how to play some, so i made up a list of all the songs i have to learn. i have a horrible memory. great. just great. this is going to be interesting. too bad i cant just stand up on the stage with a packet and read em off hahah. that would be convienent, yet, thats not how we run things evidently.
ok then kris came over today! since i spent a ton of time with my dad this week i cancelled plans for today cuz kris is FINALLY back from his trip. at first he said he couldnt hang so i was prettyy bummmed. but then things ended up working out and he got a ride.so after about almost an hour we decided that UNO was the game we were gonna play. then after a while of swearing under my breath at the fricken video player thing. i mean.. VCR. haah wow i totalllyy just blanked out on that word for a second, kris finnally somehow got it to work. and we ended up watching uno pelicula favorita of mine.. JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. and that was GREAAT. we gave up on uno after a while. actually.. kris gav eup on uno cuz hes a sore loserrr. haha he won one game and erica won two. .. notice my name isnt in that bunch. i didnt win any but still played. so after that erica was beating him up or something, i dont really knwo what was going on, cuz i was out of the room at the time. it was prertty funny thuogh. so then kris got picked up as soon as the movie was ending.
ok goodnight bye,
rach
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
I GOT SOUL BUT I'M NOT A SOLDIER
...the killers
SO GUESS WHAT. i went to that band practice. i met some cool kids and saw some cool kids that i already knew. matt and richy, the brothers, the guitarist and the drummer, have suuch awesome parents! i mean.. what kind of parent lets their kid take over the livingroom (or something) and designates it to their kids. i mean.... they were practicing SOO loud it was crazzzy. i was liek "wow my mom would NEVER go for this" haha. theyre like 'WOO HOOO" not even complaining about the noise. it was insaneee. everyones sooo good. i was like "whoa i feel like an underachiever" hahaha and they know a bunch of those power songs. ya know, the ones with guitar solos and wicked strong beginnings and stuff. its soo cool. well if you cant tell already i had a blast. and yeah.. i was there to sing and obviuosly, they expected me too. i wiicked didnt wanna but i didnt wanna say that cuz i mean.. thats what i was there for. so after procrastinating for about 20 minutes i finally gave in and sung No Doubt 'dont speak' which was alright i guess. a bunch of my notes were flat, and like.. i knew it. haha cuz the mic's were sooo loud i was like "AHH SHOOT EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME SCREW UP" but thankfully no one said anything. not that i expected them too, but they were all just so supportive and i was like "THANK YOU GOD" hahahah. and then they did californication which i didnt do cuz i dont have the lyrics memorized and man can they play. haha sorry im just like. . in awe. but yeah it was great. and then everyones parents showed up, yes, including mine and matts mom carolin was like "OO RACHEL SING THAT NO DOUBT SONG FOR YOUR MOM" and i was like "ehhhh umm.." but yeah i ended up doing that and i could see my mom in the kitchen like.. waving and dancing and stuff and i was just thinkin to myself "OH GOODNESS" hahaha. but we were all laughin and having a partaaay. well carolin and my mom were talkin about which songs we could do, cuz, i'm a girl so some songs it just wouldnt make sense to sing. like are you gonna be my girl. so theyre liek "oo pat benetar!!" and i would SO go for that. i mean.. i know allll her songs like the back of my hand. but now i just gotta talk to everyone else and like.. force the idea upon them. well.. not FORCE. i mean, if i bring it up i just hope they say its ok. hahah. i have to learn a bunch. cuz they already know how to play some, so i made up a list of all the songs i have to learn. i have a horrible memory. great. just great. this is going to be interesting. too bad i cant just stand up on the stage with a packet and read em off hahah. that would be convienent, yet, thats not how we run things evidently.
ok then kris came over today! since i spent a ton of time with my dad this week i cancelled plans for today cuz kris is FINALLY back from his trip. at first he said he couldnt hang so i was prettyy bummmed. but then things ended up working out and he got a ride.so after about almost an hour we decided that UNO was the game we were gonna play. then after a while of swearing under my breath at the fricken video player thing. i mean.. VCR. haah wow i totalllyy just blanked out on that word for a second, kris finnally somehow got it to work. and we ended up watching uno pelicula favorita of mine.. JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS. and that was GREAAT. we gave up on uno after a while. actually.. kris gav eup on uno cuz hes a sore loserrr. haha he won one game and erica won two. .. notice my name isnt in that bunch. i didnt win any but still played. so after that erica was beating him up or something, i dont really knwo what was going on, cuz i was out of the room at the time. it was prertty funny thuogh. so then kris got picked up as soon as the movie was ending.
ok goodnight bye,
rach
4.22.2005
if you put your arms around me, could it change the way i feel?
i guess i let myself believe that the outside might just bleed it's way in,
maybe stir the sleeping past lying under glass,
waiting for the kiss to break this awful spell,
pull me out of this lonely hell.
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
>what i get from my reflection isn't what i thought i'd see
give me reason to believe you'd never leave me incomplete.
will you untie this loss of mine? it so easily defines me
do you see it on my face?
that all i can think about is how long i've been waiting to feel you move me.
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
>and i'm still fighting for the words to break these chains.
and i still pray when i look in your eyes, you'll stare right back down into something beautiful
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
~jars of clay.
thats a fantastic song don't you think? and those are just the lyrics! it has such a gorgous sound to it that it makes at all the better. i mean, honestly. i heard that with mybe and her mom on our way back fromrhode island. it was greaaatt!
well you masy be wondering where i 've been fopr the past couple of days. did i tell you about lexington? i can't remember now, but i will later if i find that i havn't yet. well, i've been having yet another adventure for the [ast few days.
my dad picked me up on wednesday night and i slept over his house in swampscott. then we awoke at about 4 on thursday morning, and drove for 4and 1/2 hours to NY. we went to cooperstown to the National Baseball Hall of Fame!!!! when we arrived i was absolutley STUNNED. its in the middle of NOWHERE! ti htink the whole population is made up of farmers. it was incredible. you'd think that such a memoprable and great national place would be located in some big city, but nope, the sign said "Welcome to the village of Cooperstown" and they weren't kiddding. but anyway, there were some wiiicked cool exhibits there, and my dad was LOSING HIS MIND. we was liek "OOO WHATS THIS ONE!?" "OOO WHATS THAT ONE!?" hahaha i love my dadddyy. well, boy oh boy he was probably the most excited guy there to see curt shillings sock. he's liek "oh now we have to go to the red soxs exhibit, THEY HAVE HIS BLOODY SOCK ON DISPLAY.. YES" so of course we went to go see the bloody sock. haha, my dad got a picture. interestingly engouh, of the ten pictures he took only one will come out. being the observative (yeah, right) guy he is, he didnt see the big flash button on the camera, and then was complaining about it after the fact, that all his pictures were gonna come out dark because "there was no flash button"... priceless. anyway after our visit we ate at a tiny diner and while my dad was reading a newspaper (which he rarley ever does) i was havin a blast watchin these two girls try and flirt with these 4 guys sitting at the table next to them. hahahah. i could hear what the guys were saying about the girls and it was pretty funny. they were crackin jokes and stuff that the girls couldnt hear. and then i was hearin the girls saying how "the one with the sunglass is kinda cute" and it was like "AHHH GIRL GET YOUR EYES CHECKED" but no i didnt really say that. i was too busy laughing my ass off internally. but then we drove about 6 hours back to swampscott. on friday, today, we went into boston and walked around for basically the entire day! no joke. the only time we werent walking around was for about 45 minutes at the pizza palce that has the worlds biggest slice. its this poalce by fenway, i dono what its called but it has the name bill in it. well after taht we went to yawkey way and went into the big souvenier shop there, which i had never been to, which is wierd cuz i;'ve been there SOOOO many times. well, we bought tickets to the fenway park tour!!! (OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT WHEN I WENT TO HICKTOWN USA (COOPERSTOWN) I GOT A HAT AS A SOUVENIER, IT SAYS "BASEBALL HALL OF FAME" ON IT... OO YEAH... SHNAZZZY) aaaand my dad got me my birthday present! yeah.. i know.. 5 months early. hahah but oh well. its two tickets to fenway park. its the day after my birthday, and we're playing.. tampa bay? i believe so, something like that. only two, which means that me and a friend get to go into boston alone and see the sox play. WOO HOO!!!! road trip! actaully, no, i'lll only be 16... so it'll be a train trip. close enough. ANY TAKERS!? who wants to see the sox?? you have to tell me if you're interested. please. its a thursday night at 7. which means that it'll prob be a sleep over. woo a sleepover on a school night. oo la la, how daring! so the tour was really cool. i got to go in to the .406 club! wow what a nice place! and theres another club, the national hall of fame club (hmm sound familiar?) and we got to go in there which was aweeesome. so i guess seats in the .406 club are 108,000$ aaaand theres a three year waiting list. NICE huh? we got to go on the green monster too, and sit in the seats up there. did you know that the only way you can get tickets up there is through a lottery?! i had no idea! the front rows, the first and second, are 100$ a ticket if you win the lottery. so if they pick your name, they call you up and ask you if you want 4 seats for 100$ in the first or second row, or 80$ for the third row, or 30$ for standingf room in the back for an importnat game (opening day, fathers day, any holiday, play off games, any game against the yankees(hahahah i thihnk thats so great!) OR 80$ for the first and second rows or $60? i think? for the third row or 25$ for standing room. hmm. nice. also, i learned that last year there were 3 people who werent paying attention during the game up there who broke there nose by getting hit with a home run. HAHAHAHA. WAY TO GO BUDDY. wow, could you imagine! i'd be so ticked off. well, it may all average out if i got to keep the ball. hahah. they're gonna tear down teh .406 club at the end opf the year, because no one likes how its sound proof. i woudlnt like it. i mean, honestly!! you go in and sit down to watch the longest silent film of your life hahaha. all this action but nothing to go with it. they're gonna add more seats and a bigger lounge. haha BIGGER. they cant deal with just a lounge, they want a SPECIAL one. wow. talk about G R E E D Y. theres 35, 094 seats in fenway park. i couldbe like, 2 or 3 off but its around there somewhere. so then after alllllll that i fannallly came back home to ipswich.
the walk for hawk is on sunday. everyone really wants me to go but i dono... i would, but 1. i have no sponsers and i dont want to have to do that last minute buyt then again i dont wan tto show up empty handed and 2. i was really hoping on haning out with kris.
he's back from missouri!!! he came home today. it figures that he just HAD to go away for an entire week.. the few days when i'm not doing anything. well i do have this whole upcoming week of doing nothing after school cuz my doctor wont let me run track. yeah i know this completely SUCKS.
i have to start physical therepy sometime soon. and keep it up three times a week. great! at least i only have one more week of waiting out till i can go back to running. my yiayia gave me this stuff called arnica, and its this lotion gel stuff that supposibly helps mussels and stuff, but its def. NOT working. oh well, it was worth a shot.
i'm learning a new song on mi guitarra! 'babe i'm gonna leave you' by led zeppelin. aww its sooo pretty! i love the beginning. it's taking forever to learn, its not that the notes are hard or anything, i just have a horrible memory, so i can never practice without the tabs right there in front of me.
but anyway, thats whats new with me.
i have my computor on my lap right now and its BURNING my legs. i think i should probably wrap this up soon. not my computor, my situation, ya know, this entry, ok yeah um.. hmm .. ANYWAY
i LOVE the weaather we've been having! it's been GREAT! i am def living somewhere warm when i grow up. i cant stand anything under 55. but not too too hot. 70's are perfect! shorts and tank top weather is all i ask for, with not too much wind. and no bugs!!! i hate bugs. just ask mybe, she can tell you allll about how paranoid i am about getting bitten by mosquitos, or even being near them or feeling them land on me. ahh i'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it!
woo hoo! GUESS WHO JUST GOT INVITED TO SING IN A BAND!? yep.. me! this is GREAT! i only know one kid, and that would be pete. i love to sing! red hot chilli peppers, jet, jimi hendrix (i just got a bunch of his shirts today too! nICE!) and the cars, whom i've neve rheard of but i do know one song only cuz its on a comercial.
anyway, i have a job interview to be a camp counsiler in exactly a week! the Y got a new supervisor for the camp, which is a huge buymmer cuz now i dono if i'll get the position. dave was the old one, and i knew him from camp last year and basketball and such, oh well. its a 5:40 with this guy named dan fortunado, and its 20 minutes long. WOO HOO! now we're talkin! i need this job. i have no income whatsoever. and my moms purse does NOT count. hahah
well li'm off to talke more with pete about this whole band thing.
with gratitude that kris is finally back from his trip, anticipation to see how this singing thing plays out, a brand new hat from hicktown USA, and a red hot chilli peppers cd playing in the backround...
<3<3<3<3 rachey millah!!!!
maybe stir the sleeping past lying under glass,
waiting for the kiss to break this awful spell,
pull me out of this lonely hell.
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
>what i get from my reflection isn't what i thought i'd see
give me reason to believe you'd never leave me incomplete.
will you untie this loss of mine? it so easily defines me
do you see it on my face?
that all i can think about is how long i've been waiting to feel you move me.
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
>and i'm still fighting for the words to break these chains.
and i still pray when i look in your eyes, you'll stare right back down into something beautiful
>close my eyes and hold my heart
cover me and make me something
change this something normal into something beautiful
~jars of clay.
thats a fantastic song don't you think? and those are just the lyrics! it has such a gorgous sound to it that it makes at all the better. i mean, honestly. i heard that with mybe and her mom on our way back fromrhode island. it was greaaatt!
well you masy be wondering where i 've been fopr the past couple of days. did i tell you about lexington? i can't remember now, but i will later if i find that i havn't yet. well, i've been having yet another adventure for the [ast few days.
my dad picked me up on wednesday night and i slept over his house in swampscott. then we awoke at about 4 on thursday morning, and drove for 4and 1/2 hours to NY. we went to cooperstown to the National Baseball Hall of Fame!!!! when we arrived i was absolutley STUNNED. its in the middle of NOWHERE! ti htink the whole population is made up of farmers. it was incredible. you'd think that such a memoprable and great national place would be located in some big city, but nope, the sign said "Welcome to the village of Cooperstown" and they weren't kiddding. but anyway, there were some wiiicked cool exhibits there, and my dad was LOSING HIS MIND. we was liek "OOO WHATS THIS ONE!?" "OOO WHATS THAT ONE!?" hahaha i love my dadddyy. well, boy oh boy he was probably the most excited guy there to see curt shillings sock. he's liek "oh now we have to go to the red soxs exhibit, THEY HAVE HIS BLOODY SOCK ON DISPLAY.. YES" so of course we went to go see the bloody sock. haha, my dad got a picture. interestingly engouh, of the ten pictures he took only one will come out. being the observative (yeah, right) guy he is, he didnt see the big flash button on the camera, and then was complaining about it after the fact, that all his pictures were gonna come out dark because "there was no flash button"... priceless. anyway after our visit we ate at a tiny diner and while my dad was reading a newspaper (which he rarley ever does) i was havin a blast watchin these two girls try and flirt with these 4 guys sitting at the table next to them. hahahah. i could hear what the guys were saying about the girls and it was pretty funny. they were crackin jokes and stuff that the girls couldnt hear. and then i was hearin the girls saying how "the one with the sunglass is kinda cute" and it was like "AHHH GIRL GET YOUR EYES CHECKED" but no i didnt really say that. i was too busy laughing my ass off internally. but then we drove about 6 hours back to swampscott. on friday, today, we went into boston and walked around for basically the entire day! no joke. the only time we werent walking around was for about 45 minutes at the pizza palce that has the worlds biggest slice. its this poalce by fenway, i dono what its called but it has the name bill in it. well after taht we went to yawkey way and went into the big souvenier shop there, which i had never been to, which is wierd cuz i;'ve been there SOOOO many times. well, we bought tickets to the fenway park tour!!! (OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT WHEN I WENT TO HICKTOWN USA (COOPERSTOWN) I GOT A HAT AS A SOUVENIER, IT SAYS "BASEBALL HALL OF FAME" ON IT... OO YEAH... SHNAZZZY) aaaand my dad got me my birthday present! yeah.. i know.. 5 months early. hahah but oh well. its two tickets to fenway park. its the day after my birthday, and we're playing.. tampa bay? i believe so, something like that. only two, which means that me and a friend get to go into boston alone and see the sox play. WOO HOO!!!! road trip! actaully, no, i'lll only be 16... so it'll be a train trip. close enough. ANY TAKERS!? who wants to see the sox?? you have to tell me if you're interested. please. its a thursday night at 7. which means that it'll prob be a sleep over. woo a sleepover on a school night. oo la la, how daring! so the tour was really cool. i got to go in to the .406 club! wow what a nice place! and theres another club, the national hall of fame club (hmm sound familiar?) and we got to go in there which was aweeesome. so i guess seats in the .406 club are 108,000$ aaaand theres a three year waiting list. NICE huh? we got to go on the green monster too, and sit in the seats up there. did you know that the only way you can get tickets up there is through a lottery?! i had no idea! the front rows, the first and second, are 100$ a ticket if you win the lottery. so if they pick your name, they call you up and ask you if you want 4 seats for 100$ in the first or second row, or 80$ for the third row, or 30$ for standingf room in the back for an importnat game (opening day, fathers day, any holiday, play off games, any game against the yankees(hahahah i thihnk thats so great!) OR 80$ for the first and second rows or $60? i think? for the third row or 25$ for standing room. hmm. nice. also, i learned that last year there were 3 people who werent paying attention during the game up there who broke there nose by getting hit with a home run. HAHAHAHA. WAY TO GO BUDDY. wow, could you imagine! i'd be so ticked off. well, it may all average out if i got to keep the ball. hahah. they're gonna tear down teh .406 club at the end opf the year, because no one likes how its sound proof. i woudlnt like it. i mean, honestly!! you go in and sit down to watch the longest silent film of your life hahaha. all this action but nothing to go with it. they're gonna add more seats and a bigger lounge. haha BIGGER. they cant deal with just a lounge, they want a SPECIAL one. wow. talk about G R E E D Y. theres 35, 094 seats in fenway park. i couldbe like, 2 or 3 off but its around there somewhere. so then after alllllll that i fannallly came back home to ipswich.
the walk for hawk is on sunday. everyone really wants me to go but i dono... i would, but 1. i have no sponsers and i dont want to have to do that last minute buyt then again i dont wan tto show up empty handed and 2. i was really hoping on haning out with kris.
he's back from missouri!!! he came home today. it figures that he just HAD to go away for an entire week.. the few days when i'm not doing anything. well i do have this whole upcoming week of doing nothing after school cuz my doctor wont let me run track. yeah i know this completely SUCKS.
i have to start physical therepy sometime soon. and keep it up three times a week. great! at least i only have one more week of waiting out till i can go back to running. my yiayia gave me this stuff called arnica, and its this lotion gel stuff that supposibly helps mussels and stuff, but its def. NOT working. oh well, it was worth a shot.
i'm learning a new song on mi guitarra! 'babe i'm gonna leave you' by led zeppelin. aww its sooo pretty! i love the beginning. it's taking forever to learn, its not that the notes are hard or anything, i just have a horrible memory, so i can never practice without the tabs right there in front of me.
but anyway, thats whats new with me.
i have my computor on my lap right now and its BURNING my legs. i think i should probably wrap this up soon. not my computor, my situation, ya know, this entry, ok yeah um.. hmm .. ANYWAY
i LOVE the weaather we've been having! it's been GREAT! i am def living somewhere warm when i grow up. i cant stand anything under 55. but not too too hot. 70's are perfect! shorts and tank top weather is all i ask for, with not too much wind. and no bugs!!! i hate bugs. just ask mybe, she can tell you allll about how paranoid i am about getting bitten by mosquitos, or even being near them or feeling them land on me. ahh i'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it!
woo hoo! GUESS WHO JUST GOT INVITED TO SING IN A BAND!? yep.. me! this is GREAT! i only know one kid, and that would be pete. i love to sing! red hot chilli peppers, jet, jimi hendrix (i just got a bunch of his shirts today too! nICE!) and the cars, whom i've neve rheard of but i do know one song only cuz its on a comercial.
anyway, i have a job interview to be a camp counsiler in exactly a week! the Y got a new supervisor for the camp, which is a huge buymmer cuz now i dono if i'll get the position. dave was the old one, and i knew him from camp last year and basketball and such, oh well. its a 5:40 with this guy named dan fortunado, and its 20 minutes long. WOO HOO! now we're talkin! i need this job. i have no income whatsoever. and my moms purse does NOT count. hahah
well li'm off to talke more with pete about this whole band thing.
with gratitude that kris is finally back from his trip, anticipation to see how this singing thing plays out, a brand new hat from hicktown USA, and a red hot chilli peppers cd playing in the backround...
<3<3<3<3 rachey millah!!!!
4.19.2005
look at us we're beautiful
We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you fuckin' slob" is all he replied
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like
Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start
I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like
THATS A GREAT SONG. ONE THAT REALLY SOBERS YOU UP. YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN? i hear that song and all i can think about each time is how incredibly lucky i am. sure there are the things that can get me down every once and a while. but then i look around and i see all these smiling faces that are always there. i see all of these supportive people who i can run too and seek shelter from from the storm. i see people who love and care.
so what hav ei been up to this fine vacation!? I WENT TO LEXINGTON WITH MYBE! you see she called me up and asked if i wanted to go to these reinactments with her and of course i said yes... turns out they were leaving in, what, an hour and a half!? so i packed and such and then i spent the night and the whole day with them last year, along with be's aunt, cheryl, i think thats how you spell it. but anyway, we were up till about 1:30 sunday night/satruday morning. we went to paul reveres ride reinactment at 11 pm on sunday and that was GREAT. it was kind of chilly, but not toooo bad. we walked to john hancocks house and paul revere rode up on his big horse followed by william daws and we watched general clark (i think he was a general) and sam adams and paul revere and john hancock talk about what their next plan of action was going to be, and then watched teh woman of the house (clarks sister and wife) fret about who was going to take care of them. but anyway, we got back real late, or shuold i say early hahha, and went to bed for about 3 hours.
then we awoke at 4 Am on monday morning. HAPPY PATRIOTS DAY! what better place to celebrate such an event other than the exact location where we gained our independance from britian?! well, we arrived at the lexington green by 4:15 and sat and talked and listened to this guy tell us about histroy which was actually quite interesting considering be and i knew everything and could be like "oh yeah i remember simms telling us about that" while the sun rose up and the sky turned from black to blue to grey to blue.
i'll tell you more in detail about the action later, my moms brushing my hair and it feels good. haha.
love, >>>> <3 rach
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you fuckin' slob" is all he replied
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like
Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin' through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it's like
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke their heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start
I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like
THATS A GREAT SONG. ONE THAT REALLY SOBERS YOU UP. YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN? i hear that song and all i can think about each time is how incredibly lucky i am. sure there are the things that can get me down every once and a while. but then i look around and i see all these smiling faces that are always there. i see all of these supportive people who i can run too and seek shelter from from the storm. i see people who love and care.
so what hav ei been up to this fine vacation!? I WENT TO LEXINGTON WITH MYBE! you see she called me up and asked if i wanted to go to these reinactments with her and of course i said yes... turns out they were leaving in, what, an hour and a half!? so i packed and such and then i spent the night and the whole day with them last year, along with be's aunt, cheryl, i think thats how you spell it. but anyway, we were up till about 1:30 sunday night/satruday morning. we went to paul reveres ride reinactment at 11 pm on sunday and that was GREAT. it was kind of chilly, but not toooo bad. we walked to john hancocks house and paul revere rode up on his big horse followed by william daws and we watched general clark (i think he was a general) and sam adams and paul revere and john hancock talk about what their next plan of action was going to be, and then watched teh woman of the house (clarks sister and wife) fret about who was going to take care of them. but anyway, we got back real late, or shuold i say early hahha, and went to bed for about 3 hours.
then we awoke at 4 Am on monday morning. HAPPY PATRIOTS DAY! what better place to celebrate such an event other than the exact location where we gained our independance from britian?! well, we arrived at the lexington green by 4:15 and sat and talked and listened to this guy tell us about histroy which was actually quite interesting considering be and i knew everything and could be like "oh yeah i remember simms telling us about that" while the sun rose up and the sky turned from black to blue to grey to blue.
i'll tell you more in detail about the action later, my moms brushing my hair and it feels good. haha.
love, >>>> <3 rach
