10.30.2006
moonlight sonata
yes, i'm listening to beethoven. classical was highly reccomended to me by one of my best friends the other day, so i decided to trust him and give listening to it a shot. i mean really listening to it, not just half paying attention to half the song, but i downloaded two songs by beethoven one of them is my absolute favorite song to hear played on the piano, which im teaching myself "fur elise" and the second is of course, moonlight sonata. its so nice. i love it, really.
anyway i decided to be lame and fill out a survey that'll let me, and all of you, know how ocd i am. which, im making this assumption before i even look at it: i am.
[x] You have cleaned someone else’s house.
[x] You are picky about everything even mixed CD’s.
[x] You have wiped off a kid's face that wasn’t related to you.
[x] You have taken three showers in one day.
[x] You “fix” things like photo frames that are sideways.
Total: 5
[xx] A tag coming out of someone’s shirt presents a problem to you.
[xx] You rock at making lists.
[xx] You‘re very into details.
[x] You know how to do your own laundry.
[x] If you can’t fix something it drives you nuts.
Total: 5
[x] Nothing is wrong with having things alphabetized.
[ ] You don’t think anything is ever really perfect.
[x] You have to know everything.
[x] Everything has a place.
[xx] Untied shoes bug you.
Total: 4 - i CAN and WILL find a way to make things perfect
[xx] If you’re walking through a store and something is off a rack you put it back.
[ ] Things don’t have to be perfect they just have to be the right way according to you.
[x] You like vacuuming or mopping… it just makes the floor look better.
[x] a cleaning product has ever blown your mind.
[x] You think hot tubs are “unsanitary”.
Total: 4
[xx obs] You have ever categorized something.
[x] Typos drive you nuts.
[x] You hate mis-spellings.
[x] If there is something wrong with someone you will want to make it better.
[x] You have corrected a teacher.
Total: 5
Grand Total: 23
Now count the checked boxes and multiply that number times 4.
so, the verdict is: im 92% obsessive compulsive. i know. im one of those people with a million wierd habits like
i cant go to sleep if my feet are cold, any light is on anywhere, my lips are chapped, i have to go to the bathroom, or im thirsty. i set my alarm clock to 5:09 because 9 is my favorite number, and then, just in case, i set a second alarm for 5:34 just in case i forget to turn the first one on, (34 is my second favorite lucky number), i do not like anything on the end of my bed, ever, i always have to have a spare hair elastic otherwise i feel so bare and anxious that i have no backup plan, i get something from every food group at lunch, every number has a color that matches up with it. nine is brown. i cannot staand capital letters, i think theyre beyond pointless and aviod using them at all costs, everything should just be the same, no word is more important than another, yes, im that person that leaves sticky notes everywhereee at work, i dont like dark blue pen, or crayons. i hate using crayons, yes, i do wipe down the toilet seat as soon as i go into a public restroom- theyre so sick, and i never touch railings and try to aviod doorknobs in public areas, i will cry if im too cold, - its stressful, ya know? i like the things in the refrigerator and the freezer and all of the cabints to have their labels facing out, all of the caps and covers on everything in the shower (soap, face wash, shampoo, conditioner) have to be snapped shut. pleasee.
anyway im tierd and i need to put on a second pair of socks, try to go the bathroom, and get ahold of some chapstick. so, goodnight.
anyway i decided to be lame and fill out a survey that'll let me, and all of you, know how ocd i am. which, im making this assumption before i even look at it: i am.
[x] You have cleaned someone else’s house.
[x] You are picky about everything even mixed CD’s.
[x] You have wiped off a kid's face that wasn’t related to you.
[x] You have taken three showers in one day.
[x] You “fix” things like photo frames that are sideways.
Total: 5
[xx] A tag coming out of someone’s shirt presents a problem to you.
[xx] You rock at making lists.
[xx] You‘re very into details.
[x] You know how to do your own laundry.
[x] If you can’t fix something it drives you nuts.
Total: 5
[x] Nothing is wrong with having things alphabetized.
[ ] You don’t think anything is ever really perfect.
[x] You have to know everything.
[x] Everything has a place.
[xx] Untied shoes bug you.
Total: 4 - i CAN and WILL find a way to make things perfect
[xx] If you’re walking through a store and something is off a rack you put it back.
[ ] Things don’t have to be perfect they just have to be the right way according to you.
[x] You like vacuuming or mopping… it just makes the floor look better.
[x] a cleaning product has ever blown your mind.
[x] You think hot tubs are “unsanitary”.
Total: 4
[xx obs] You have ever categorized something.
[x] Typos drive you nuts.
[x] You hate mis-spellings.
[x] If there is something wrong with someone you will want to make it better.
[x] You have corrected a teacher.
Total: 5
Grand Total: 23
Now count the checked boxes and multiply that number times 4.
so, the verdict is: im 92% obsessive compulsive. i know. im one of those people with a million wierd habits like
i cant go to sleep if my feet are cold, any light is on anywhere, my lips are chapped, i have to go to the bathroom, or im thirsty. i set my alarm clock to 5:09 because 9 is my favorite number, and then, just in case, i set a second alarm for 5:34 just in case i forget to turn the first one on, (34 is my second favorite lucky number), i do not like anything on the end of my bed, ever, i always have to have a spare hair elastic otherwise i feel so bare and anxious that i have no backup plan, i get something from every food group at lunch, every number has a color that matches up with it. nine is brown. i cannot staand capital letters, i think theyre beyond pointless and aviod using them at all costs, everything should just be the same, no word is more important than another, yes, im that person that leaves sticky notes everywhereee at work, i dont like dark blue pen, or crayons. i hate using crayons, yes, i do wipe down the toilet seat as soon as i go into a public restroom- theyre so sick, and i never touch railings and try to aviod doorknobs in public areas, i will cry if im too cold, - its stressful, ya know? i like the things in the refrigerator and the freezer and all of the cabints to have their labels facing out, all of the caps and covers on everything in the shower (soap, face wash, shampoo, conditioner) have to be snapped shut. pleasee.
anyway im tierd and i need to put on a second pair of socks, try to go the bathroom, and get ahold of some chapstick. so, goodnight.
10.23.2006
aww, so i miss ben
but, you know, its a good kind of miss
the kind of miss that makes you want to see them RIGHT NOW
not the kind thats sad and lonley,
its a different kind of miss
one that comes after the sad and lonely kind
its one that comes from knowing and remembering how important they are to you
how special someone is to you that you want to be near them
want to be around them, you know?
its a kind of miss where instead of thinking about just how down you feel because you havent seen them in a while,
you think about what they may be doing right now, how theyre feeling,
you worry if theyre frightened, if their sad, if their confused or stressed out
you hope constantly they had a good day, and looking foward ot wakeing up the next morning
you hope their thinking about you, or at least, not angry with you, or dissapointed in you in anyway
and you want to do all you can to make them the happiest person alive.
thats whats im feeling.
i used to get that all the time
ALLL the time
and then i didnt for a while
you know how sometimes you can fall into the dark?
into a big nasty rut that drags you down,
and pulls to keep you there,
and your kind of just feeling low?
but every once and a while theres one thing
one day
one hour
and youre so high on life and happy
but then the next day or hour youre down again?
well, i think im done with that
things are good.
life is good.
maybe this is just some loittle high plateu im on right now and im going to wake up tomorrow morning having crashed a hundred feet down onto pure concrete, but for the first time in a long time i know that i miss ben a lot and want to be with him right this second and hold his hand, something, at least be near him. maybe im just being some sappy romantic but hey its good for me i havent been a sappy romantic for months hahah. im mjust feeling really content right now, optimistic about the futre, ok, anxoius, i'll give you that, but i dont think i'll ever loose my anxiety [problem?], no matter how great things are.
you know, sometimes i just wish he knew. like, i have no idea whether or not hes going ot read this, i pray he does, just because its hard expressing things almost all the time, and on some reare occasion when i actually do its never out loud or to anybody in particular. sometimes, i feel like im just talking to myself and none of it is makingany sense but i understand it all but i know that if i were to say aloud anything i thought up everyone would probably think im a nut. but, you know what? oh well.
i like being my anxious sappy romantic self and praying that my boyfriend knows just how crazy i am about him, and how badly i cant wait until we hang out, and how i hope hope hope he gets my text messages everyday, even if he gets them two days later.
with love.
the kind of miss that makes you want to see them RIGHT NOW
not the kind thats sad and lonley,
its a different kind of miss
one that comes after the sad and lonely kind
its one that comes from knowing and remembering how important they are to you
how special someone is to you that you want to be near them
want to be around them, you know?
its a kind of miss where instead of thinking about just how down you feel because you havent seen them in a while,
you think about what they may be doing right now, how theyre feeling,
you worry if theyre frightened, if their sad, if their confused or stressed out
you hope constantly they had a good day, and looking foward ot wakeing up the next morning
you hope their thinking about you, or at least, not angry with you, or dissapointed in you in anyway
and you want to do all you can to make them the happiest person alive.
thats whats im feeling.
i used to get that all the time
ALLL the time
and then i didnt for a while
you know how sometimes you can fall into the dark?
into a big nasty rut that drags you down,
and pulls to keep you there,
and your kind of just feeling low?
but every once and a while theres one thing
one day
one hour
and youre so high on life and happy
but then the next day or hour youre down again?
well, i think im done with that
things are good.
life is good.
maybe this is just some loittle high plateu im on right now and im going to wake up tomorrow morning having crashed a hundred feet down onto pure concrete, but for the first time in a long time i know that i miss ben a lot and want to be with him right this second and hold his hand, something, at least be near him. maybe im just being some sappy romantic but hey its good for me i havent been a sappy romantic for months hahah. im mjust feeling really content right now, optimistic about the futre, ok, anxoius, i'll give you that, but i dont think i'll ever loose my anxiety [problem?], no matter how great things are.
you know, sometimes i just wish he knew. like, i have no idea whether or not hes going ot read this, i pray he does, just because its hard expressing things almost all the time, and on some reare occasion when i actually do its never out loud or to anybody in particular. sometimes, i feel like im just talking to myself and none of it is makingany sense but i understand it all but i know that if i were to say aloud anything i thought up everyone would probably think im a nut. but, you know what? oh well.
i like being my anxious sappy romantic self and praying that my boyfriend knows just how crazy i am about him, and how badly i cant wait until we hang out, and how i hope hope hope he gets my text messages everyday, even if he gets them two days later.
with love.
10.03.2006
god, i feel so lame
i mean, how bad is it that i'm worrying about the fact that sometimes friends dont act like they should, or at least, how i think they should. is that wrong of me? i mean, are my expectations too high sometimes? because if they are, im really, really, sorry, and they dont mean to be. i guess something that ive been really working hard on coming to terms with is accepting the fact that people change, and i shouldnt keep comparing them to who they used to be. or should i? i mean, i dont even know. its the same person, they should understand that ive developed a certain idea of them since ive been getting to know them, theres certain expectations they set, you know? like, a mom is supposed to always ask how your day went, things like that. so its wierd when they dont, right? and i mean, sure, maybe they just dont do that anymore, but dont you have the right to question things? i know that sounds lame and its a really bad analogy, but thats the best i can come up with right now. i dono, i guess i just need to wait things out, we'll see how it goes, and then maybe, maaybbe, i'll talk to them.
