7.18.2005
if only i could get into the corner of your head
woudl things finnally match and meet the standards that you set?
so, after an interesting conversation i fnally got to sleep at about 1:30 in the morning last night. oh welll.
woke up at 7:30 and went downstairs to eat some breakfast, a bagel, well, half of a bagel, and some tea which was actually quite good.
went to work, it was a wierrrdd day. the morning was bearable, but then it rained for about a half hour and ever wsince then it was H&H (hot an humid) which, frankly, sucked. the kids werent listening that much, except for some reason at sports. sports for some reason stands out in my head as the best time frame for all of them, cooperating and teamwork-skills-building. thank god.
we had to have a camp wide clean up cuz it was apparently all trash-filled and suchh. fun fun, for my group it wasnt too long at all, cuz there was heardly any trash at drama.
after work, vally gave me a ride to the school where i ran on the track for a while, i have no idea how long i ran, but did some 400's and 800's and a bunch of dashes. it was funn, except for i got all gross feeling from the temp and humidity. i was hoping that i could stop in and talk to someone about how my schedual is so fucked up but there was no one in the office at the time so i have to go back.
the problem: i dont have enough credits (you need 35, i only have 32). i have nothing schedualed for the last quarter of period 6. the only that would fit there is an elective. electives are only 2.5 credits, which STILL would not bring me up to the right, necessary amount of credits for the year (itd only bring me up to 34.5). the only thing that would possibly fit there and complete my amount of credits would be an academic class. in order to do that, i have to cancel the elective class that's in the first quarter of period 6. this class that i'd cancel would be project adventure. i do not want to have to take sofmore gym the next year with the class behind us. that would suck. what do i do? i would really like to get a math course over with. that would be wonderful. take alg 2 the first semester, and then whatever is next the second semester. maybe?
voice your opinions because i dont know what to do.
ok wel im bored and i dont want to do my summer reading. oh yeah and i have no idea what the hell to do anyway. what do i write about?? i read animal farm, and i supposibly have to write 4 pages on it, but i dont know what th etopic or subject or question to answer or whatever is.
i'm gonna walk down to eriks cuz kaylas over there and they're watching a movie, and even though i've already seen it it beets sitting here doing nothing.
oh and i've decided that i'm keeping a seperate journal now, it's sort of like a place to keep all my other thoughts that i cant share on the internet, ya know? dont you ever feel liek sometimes you want to have secrets? you dont want everyone to kow EVERY little thing about you. i like having some privacy. do you know what i mean? it's good to be your own person, and not everybody elses person.
its good.
i've been really getting into vanessa carlton lately, listen to some of her stuff and you'll be changed, it's so... moving sort of. intense in a creepy relative sort of way.
love you all. GET HER ALBUM: "be not nobody". now. please please please? you havent experienced or thought enough untill you've heard her stuff.
racheyy
so, after an interesting conversation i fnally got to sleep at about 1:30 in the morning last night. oh welll.
woke up at 7:30 and went downstairs to eat some breakfast, a bagel, well, half of a bagel, and some tea which was actually quite good.
went to work, it was a wierrrdd day. the morning was bearable, but then it rained for about a half hour and ever wsince then it was H&H (hot an humid) which, frankly, sucked. the kids werent listening that much, except for some reason at sports. sports for some reason stands out in my head as the best time frame for all of them, cooperating and teamwork-skills-building. thank god.
we had to have a camp wide clean up cuz it was apparently all trash-filled and suchh. fun fun, for my group it wasnt too long at all, cuz there was heardly any trash at drama.
after work, vally gave me a ride to the school where i ran on the track for a while, i have no idea how long i ran, but did some 400's and 800's and a bunch of dashes. it was funn, except for i got all gross feeling from the temp and humidity. i was hoping that i could stop in and talk to someone about how my schedual is so fucked up but there was no one in the office at the time so i have to go back.
the problem: i dont have enough credits (you need 35, i only have 32). i have nothing schedualed for the last quarter of period 6. the only that would fit there is an elective. electives are only 2.5 credits, which STILL would not bring me up to the right, necessary amount of credits for the year (itd only bring me up to 34.5). the only thing that would possibly fit there and complete my amount of credits would be an academic class. in order to do that, i have to cancel the elective class that's in the first quarter of period 6. this class that i'd cancel would be project adventure. i do not want to have to take sofmore gym the next year with the class behind us. that would suck. what do i do? i would really like to get a math course over with. that would be wonderful. take alg 2 the first semester, and then whatever is next the second semester. maybe?
voice your opinions because i dont know what to do.
ok wel im bored and i dont want to do my summer reading. oh yeah and i have no idea what the hell to do anyway. what do i write about?? i read animal farm, and i supposibly have to write 4 pages on it, but i dont know what th etopic or subject or question to answer or whatever is.
i'm gonna walk down to eriks cuz kaylas over there and they're watching a movie, and even though i've already seen it it beets sitting here doing nothing.
oh and i've decided that i'm keeping a seperate journal now, it's sort of like a place to keep all my other thoughts that i cant share on the internet, ya know? dont you ever feel liek sometimes you want to have secrets? you dont want everyone to kow EVERY little thing about you. i like having some privacy. do you know what i mean? it's good to be your own person, and not everybody elses person.
its good.
i've been really getting into vanessa carlton lately, listen to some of her stuff and you'll be changed, it's so... moving sort of. intense in a creepy relative sort of way.
love you all. GET HER ALBUM: "be not nobody". now. please please please? you havent experienced or thought enough untill you've heard her stuff.
racheyy
7.16.2005
Discreetly i try to cough it out
Try to scream and shout.
Everchanging flights of ideas,
My life is surely
Flashing right before my eyes.
You have a way. You startle me.
I laugh. I face reality.
This is a pill of strong will
And, as you intended,
So hard to swallow.
choking on the truth
i thought it was my candy,
but i'm choking on the truth.
Everchanging flights of ideas,
My life is surely
Flashing right before my eyes.
You have a way. You startle me.
I laugh. I face reality.
This is a pill of strong will
And, as you intended,
So hard to swallow.
choking on the truth
i thought it was my candy,
but i'm choking on the truth.
7.08.2005
i want to taste the taste of
being face to face with common grace
to meditate on the warmest dream
and when i walk alone i listen
to our secret theme
your solar eyes are like
nothing i have ever seen
somebody close
that can see right through
i'd take a fall and you know
that i'd do anything
i will: for you
i want to taste the taste of being face to face with common silence
to meditate on the warmest dream
and when i walk alone i listen
to our secret theme
your solar eyes are like
nothing i have ever seen
somebody close
that can see right through
i'd take a fall and you know
that i'd do anything
i will: for you
i want to taste the taste of being face to face with common silence
oh, i wish
i wish i was an oscar mayer wiener
actually no i dont. i wish i was dead right about now. I FUCKING HATE SMOKE DETECTORS. hate them. HATE them.
so, it's 7:35 and my smoke detector has been going over for over a half an hour and i'm just about ready to crack. THEY WONT TURN OFF. theres no batteries and no buttons.
i cant even begin to concentrate on telling oyu wht i've done this past few days. screw it. i'll update later. time for me to pray that i'm not going to be deaf for the rest of my life.
yours, the-girl-who-fucking-hates-you-know-whats.
actually no i dont. i wish i was dead right about now. I FUCKING HATE SMOKE DETECTORS. hate them. HATE them.
so, it's 7:35 and my smoke detector has been going over for over a half an hour and i'm just about ready to crack. THEY WONT TURN OFF. theres no batteries and no buttons.
i cant even begin to concentrate on telling oyu wht i've done this past few days. screw it. i'll update later. time for me to pray that i'm not going to be deaf for the rest of my life.
yours, the-girl-who-fucking-hates-you-know-whats.
7.05.2005
on the first day of christmas
my true love gave to me
a partrige in a pear tree
on the second day of christmas
my true love gave to me...
ok, enough reminicing.
i've been having an extraordinary time this summer vacation and i cant wait to see what the rest of the summer will bring.
two days ago, on sunday, at around 9:15 i sat and watched lynn and swampscott pollute thier skies whilst being bombarded with oo's and aah's from those surrounding me. one man in particular happend to be in a very expressive mood that night. i have narrowed down my assumptions as what he was, to these three: a pyro, an enthusiastic american, or alcoholically impaired. haha "impaired" thats how my dad put it. for those more frank, "drunk" would fit nicely.
the actual fireworks were all right i guess. not as loud as they could have been, which sort of depleated their effect a bit. there were some new ones this year, which didn't exactly make up for there being a decrease in volume, but in a way, compensated for some of it. there was a huuuge amount of people, my dad and i couldn't find anywhere to stand untill we walked half way down that long beach there, which, correct me if i'm wrong, i'm pretty sure is called King's Beach. but anyway, not everyone had those glowing necklace strip things, and NO ONE had sparkelers. needless to say i was completely suprised and didn't see that coming at allll. my dad and i were the only ones down there with sparklers. and i'm slightly ashamed to say i felt like a total outcast.
occasionally, actually, 100% of the time, i wish i had friends there. i looove going to swampscott to hang out with my dads side of the family, but i'm sick and tierd of having to go on bike rides with my DAD all the time. i love him to death and then some but i see these groups of kids my age talking and laughing and hanging out together, and i hate having to ride by on my bike, knowing they're thinking "who is that and who is she with?.. her dad?" because 1. they probably think i'm some nice little perfect child who's "daddy's like girl" and 2. it lowers my chances moreso of ever finding friendship in their particular group. you know, i wish they would get a dog, so i could say "ok i'm going out for a walk with the dog" and bring him/her down to the beach and bump into some people and make a friend. maybe i should start reminding him how wonderful dogs are. after all, he needs someone to keep him company the rest of the week, besides his parents. i envision just going running or somethign with the dog and acccidentally bumping into someone and then starting a conversation with the man of my dreams. orrr the dog gets away from me and runs and runs to some bench where this wicked cute guy is sitting and i come up and act all innocent and say something to the effect of "oh my gosh i am soo sorry, please don't let him disturb you, he's just saying hi, i'm so sorry, forgive me, he just pulled away right out of my hands so fast-" and have him cut me off with something like "don't even worry about it, i love dogs" and then start witha nice easy conversation about Sparky (the dog). but, knowing my luck, the guy will prob be allergic to dogs and have a seizure or something. lovely.
i spent last night contemplating on whether or not i should dye my hair. i'm looking for a dark brown, and have found it, however i'm not quiet sure if i'm going to go through with the plan. you see, i've been wanting my hair to be one solid color for quite a while now, and dying it would only temporarily make it one color: not what i'm looking for. see, my hairs growing in its natural color, which is different from the blonde i dyed it before, so i'm afraid if i dye it anything, then it will still be two colors- which is what i'm trying to rid of. but if i don't dye it then it'll look incredibly wierd. i could try and dye the bright blonde part the ashy diry blonde which my real hair is. i suppose thats an option. but at some point i'd really like to go dark dark brown. i'm growing my bangs out by the way. and i'm growing my hair out. i want it down to my butt and thats that.
http://headcovers.com/margucolors/8FH.jpg maybe?
http://headcovers.com/margucolors/27R.jpg maybe?
whatever color, i want it to be different than what it is now, and dark. i'm tierd of this "blonde bomshell" stuff. as much as i love it, i'm just ready for a change
work has been going awwesome. i love it and i'm so happy with everything. the kids are little.. well.. not right in the head sometimes though. i caught one little girl-no names-licking one of the picnic benches outside at lunch. um. yeah. when i asked her what she was doing, she gave me the seven year old response; "I spilled my yogurt". ehh. gotta love 'em
well, considering i feel like shit right now because dan made me the most guilty feeling person alive , all because the windows were open when the ac was on, i'm gonna go and try not to break anything.
update later.
-me
a partrige in a pear tree
on the second day of christmas
my true love gave to me...
ok, enough reminicing.
i've been having an extraordinary time this summer vacation and i cant wait to see what the rest of the summer will bring.
two days ago, on sunday, at around 9:15 i sat and watched lynn and swampscott pollute thier skies whilst being bombarded with oo's and aah's from those surrounding me. one man in particular happend to be in a very expressive mood that night. i have narrowed down my assumptions as what he was, to these three: a pyro, an enthusiastic american, or alcoholically impaired. haha "impaired" thats how my dad put it. for those more frank, "drunk" would fit nicely.
the actual fireworks were all right i guess. not as loud as they could have been, which sort of depleated their effect a bit. there were some new ones this year, which didn't exactly make up for there being a decrease in volume, but in a way, compensated for some of it. there was a huuuge amount of people, my dad and i couldn't find anywhere to stand untill we walked half way down that long beach there, which, correct me if i'm wrong, i'm pretty sure is called King's Beach. but anyway, not everyone had those glowing necklace strip things, and NO ONE had sparkelers. needless to say i was completely suprised and didn't see that coming at allll. my dad and i were the only ones down there with sparklers. and i'm slightly ashamed to say i felt like a total outcast.
occasionally, actually, 100% of the time, i wish i had friends there. i looove going to swampscott to hang out with my dads side of the family, but i'm sick and tierd of having to go on bike rides with my DAD all the time. i love him to death and then some but i see these groups of kids my age talking and laughing and hanging out together, and i hate having to ride by on my bike, knowing they're thinking "who is that and who is she with?.. her dad?" because 1. they probably think i'm some nice little perfect child who's "daddy's like girl" and 2. it lowers my chances moreso of ever finding friendship in their particular group. you know, i wish they would get a dog, so i could say "ok i'm going out for a walk with the dog" and bring him/her down to the beach and bump into some people and make a friend. maybe i should start reminding him how wonderful dogs are. after all, he needs someone to keep him company the rest of the week, besides his parents. i envision just going running or somethign with the dog and acccidentally bumping into someone and then starting a conversation with the man of my dreams. orrr the dog gets away from me and runs and runs to some bench where this wicked cute guy is sitting and i come up and act all innocent and say something to the effect of "oh my gosh i am soo sorry, please don't let him disturb you, he's just saying hi, i'm so sorry, forgive me, he just pulled away right out of my hands so fast-" and have him cut me off with something like "don't even worry about it, i love dogs" and then start witha nice easy conversation about Sparky (the dog). but, knowing my luck, the guy will prob be allergic to dogs and have a seizure or something. lovely.
i spent last night contemplating on whether or not i should dye my hair. i'm looking for a dark brown, and have found it, however i'm not quiet sure if i'm going to go through with the plan. you see, i've been wanting my hair to be one solid color for quite a while now, and dying it would only temporarily make it one color: not what i'm looking for. see, my hairs growing in its natural color, which is different from the blonde i dyed it before, so i'm afraid if i dye it anything, then it will still be two colors- which is what i'm trying to rid of. but if i don't dye it then it'll look incredibly wierd. i could try and dye the bright blonde part the ashy diry blonde which my real hair is. i suppose thats an option. but at some point i'd really like to go dark dark brown. i'm growing my bangs out by the way. and i'm growing my hair out. i want it down to my butt and thats that.
http://headcovers.com/margucolors/8FH.jpg maybe?
http://headcovers.com/margucolors/27R.jpg maybe?
whatever color, i want it to be different than what it is now, and dark. i'm tierd of this "blonde bomshell" stuff. as much as i love it, i'm just ready for a change
work has been going awwesome. i love it and i'm so happy with everything. the kids are little.. well.. not right in the head sometimes though. i caught one little girl-no names-licking one of the picnic benches outside at lunch. um. yeah. when i asked her what she was doing, she gave me the seven year old response; "I spilled my yogurt". ehh. gotta love 'em
well, considering i feel like shit right now because dan made me the most guilty feeling person alive , all because the windows were open when the ac was on, i'm gonna go and try not to break anything.
update later.
-me
