9.25.2005
reaching for something in the distance
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
i saw that in someones info online. i really, really like it.
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
i saw that in someones info online. i really, really like it.
9.24.2005
say it say it say it- tell it like it is
I HAVE DISCOVERED A WONDERFUL MUSICAIN NAMED TRACY CHAPMAN.
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
What breaks your heart
What keeps you awake at night
What makes you want to breakdown and cry
But say you'll never turn your back
Say you'll never harden to the world
Say you'll never try to still the rhythms in your breast
Say you'll never look at the evil among us and try to forget
Say you'll tell it like it is
Say it say it say it so everyone can hear
Say it say it say it tell it like it is
What breaks your hear
What keeps you awake at night
How your anger and grief
Make you want to cry out
And tell it like it is
But say you'll never close your eyes
Or pretend that it's a rosy world
Say you'll never try to paint
What is rotten with a sugarcoat
Say you'll talk about the horrors you've seen and the torment you know
And tell it like it is
Say it say it say it
So no one can forget
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
What breaks your heart
What keeps you awake at night
What makes you want to break the ties that silence and bind
And tell it like it is
Say you'll never cover your ears and close your mouth
And live in a silent world
Say you'll only run as far or as fast as you need to be secure
Say that then you'll tell the truth
When a lie could cross your lips
And tell it like it is
and she also does a gagillion more songs with outstanding lyrics. this song like, the music i dont feel does the words justice. but change, the song, change, it has a wonderful tone and everything and im not goin gto put those lyrics down on paper because they're more than that. you need to hear it. lets jsut say, i'd change.
so im feeling much better about things and have decided to turn over a new leaf if it kills me.
i am going to do exactly as this song says. i'll tell lit like it is. i'll look at the world this way because it seems like its the right thing to do. i wont cover my ears or close my mouth.i say what makes me break down and cry, what breaks my heart and keeps me awake at night (considering those two go hand in hand), i'll talk about the horros and the torment that i know, i will break the ties that silence and bind,
i will tell the truth when a lie could cross my lips.
i'll tell it like it is. i will.
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
What breaks your heart
What keeps you awake at night
What makes you want to breakdown and cry
But say you'll never turn your back
Say you'll never harden to the world
Say you'll never try to still the rhythms in your breast
Say you'll never look at the evil among us and try to forget
Say you'll tell it like it is
Say it say it say it so everyone can hear
Say it say it say it tell it like it is
What breaks your hear
What keeps you awake at night
How your anger and grief
Make you want to cry out
And tell it like it is
But say you'll never close your eyes
Or pretend that it's a rosy world
Say you'll never try to paint
What is rotten with a sugarcoat
Say you'll talk about the horrors you've seen and the torment you know
And tell it like it is
Say it say it say it
So no one can forget
Say it say it say it Tell it like it is
What breaks your heart
What keeps you awake at night
What makes you want to break the ties that silence and bind
And tell it like it is
Say you'll never cover your ears and close your mouth
And live in a silent world
Say you'll only run as far or as fast as you need to be secure
Say that then you'll tell the truth
When a lie could cross your lips
And tell it like it is
and she also does a gagillion more songs with outstanding lyrics. this song like, the music i dont feel does the words justice. but change, the song, change, it has a wonderful tone and everything and im not goin gto put those lyrics down on paper because they're more than that. you need to hear it. lets jsut say, i'd change.
so im feeling much better about things and have decided to turn over a new leaf if it kills me.
i am going to do exactly as this song says. i'll tell lit like it is. i'll look at the world this way because it seems like its the right thing to do. i wont cover my ears or close my mouth.i say what makes me break down and cry, what breaks my heart and keeps me awake at night (considering those two go hand in hand), i'll talk about the horros and the torment that i know, i will break the ties that silence and bind,
i will tell the truth when a lie could cross my lips.
i'll tell it like it is. i will.
9.21.2005
and i'd give up forever, truly, madly, deeply
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
And all I could taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't comming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
< IRIS | TRULY MADLY DEEPLY >
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cos I'm counting on A new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...
words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.
it's only WEDNESDAY!? goodness.
rach
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
And all I could taste is this moment
And all I can breath is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't comming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
< IRIS | TRULY MADLY DEEPLY >
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cos I'm counting on A new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of..
The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes 'cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...
words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.
it's only WEDNESDAY!? goodness.
rach
9.18.2005
little darling,
i see the smiles returning to all the faces
little darling, it seems like years since its been here
here comes the sun
and i say,
it's alright.
im ok. i'm much better than the day before, i mean. i've been working up on trying to think of a mantra type thing. haha, i know, corny right? but its like.. someones something that keeps them going, which i t hink is really important. their own... philosophy type thing. what makes you wake up the next morning? (and "my alarm clock" or "my mom" are both not the type of answers i'm looking for) is it because it's a habit? is it because you really do look foward to the day? is it because you have nothing better to do? tell me- i want to know
so on the way home from my dads we were listening to the beatles, considering hes basicalyl obsessed. and theyre good theyre good, and the songs "band on teh run" comes on. and im like "hmm this is an interesting song" because i thought it was "man on the run" haha but whatev thats not my point. theres the line "the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun" and i can only help but wonder what i means. i mean, read it! its seems liek it'd be so meaningful but i just cant understand it. the rain exploded- hmm i dont know how that could happen so it must be relating something or philisophically stating something. with a might crash- ah.. lightening? thunder? possibly? as we fell into the dun- stil.. not getting it. what does it MEAN?
i had a good fulfilling, rejuvinating weekend. i needed one of those. the football game was a blast, kati came over and we had a blast, today i went to sunday school and church and hung out with my dad, well, sort of. my maimie, pampie, nana, papa, aunt, cousin, dad and i all watched spider man and ate dinner and evertyhing together. i took a nap from 1-4:30 though lol. on the couch. while they were all watching the pats game. not that i didnt want to watch it, but my need of sleep was greater than my will for watching.
and i have a crap load of homework sitting next to me that i should do. i might go do that. but probably wont.
so im bored righ tnow and im thinking that i want to start having a morning routine. i think that i'll get up at 4:30 from now on, every da, or at least 3 times a week, and go running. i know the perfect place and it be refreshing int he morning, dont oyu think? to go running in the nice crisp air, and then come home, take a shower, and feel all new again. then do my english hw, which, for something reason i always have the urge to do in the morning. clean up my room a bit, and then hit the road and catch the bus. i really ned some headfones for the bus, like, really really really. not an ipod though, i dont feel as though those are worth buying. i wqas talking to someone about it today, and i just dont really see its worth getting all the songs over again, considering i have so many cds already. but then again.. t would be really handy to have it just fit in your pocket and you could listen to any song anywhere any time. hmm...
what do i want for my birthday? am i even going to have a party? i kinda want like.. a huge huge huge huge one, with like.. a ton of people over here, probs play some ultimate and then man hunt. or i want a wicked little close gathering of just all my close friends. but i cant make up my minddd! im probs just not gonna have one. who to invite? lol i dont have enough friends
i want to go running right now. but its 9:11 at night jk, now its 9:12 and its dark and i wanna sleep.
if im going tobe runnig in the morning i need to go to bed.
after i do my chem homework. ok, thats my plan for tonight.
goonight all,
<3 rachel
little darling, it seems like years since its been here
here comes the sun
and i say,
it's alright.
im ok. i'm much better than the day before, i mean. i've been working up on trying to think of a mantra type thing. haha, i know, corny right? but its like.. someones something that keeps them going, which i t hink is really important. their own... philosophy type thing. what makes you wake up the next morning? (and "my alarm clock" or "my mom" are both not the type of answers i'm looking for) is it because it's a habit? is it because you really do look foward to the day? is it because you have nothing better to do? tell me- i want to know
so on the way home from my dads we were listening to the beatles, considering hes basicalyl obsessed. and theyre good theyre good, and the songs "band on teh run" comes on. and im like "hmm this is an interesting song" because i thought it was "man on the run" haha but whatev thats not my point. theres the line "the rain exploded with a mighty crash as we fell into the sun" and i can only help but wonder what i means. i mean, read it! its seems liek it'd be so meaningful but i just cant understand it. the rain exploded- hmm i dont know how that could happen so it must be relating something or philisophically stating something. with a might crash- ah.. lightening? thunder? possibly? as we fell into the dun- stil.. not getting it. what does it MEAN?
i had a good fulfilling, rejuvinating weekend. i needed one of those. the football game was a blast, kati came over and we had a blast, today i went to sunday school and church and hung out with my dad, well, sort of. my maimie, pampie, nana, papa, aunt, cousin, dad and i all watched spider man and ate dinner and evertyhing together. i took a nap from 1-4:30 though lol. on the couch. while they were all watching the pats game. not that i didnt want to watch it, but my need of sleep was greater than my will for watching.
and i have a crap load of homework sitting next to me that i should do. i might go do that. but probably wont.
so im bored righ tnow and im thinking that i want to start having a morning routine. i think that i'll get up at 4:30 from now on, every da, or at least 3 times a week, and go running. i know the perfect place and it be refreshing int he morning, dont oyu think? to go running in the nice crisp air, and then come home, take a shower, and feel all new again. then do my english hw, which, for something reason i always have the urge to do in the morning. clean up my room a bit, and then hit the road and catch the bus. i really ned some headfones for the bus, like, really really really. not an ipod though, i dont feel as though those are worth buying. i wqas talking to someone about it today, and i just dont really see its worth getting all the songs over again, considering i have so many cds already. but then again.. t would be really handy to have it just fit in your pocket and you could listen to any song anywhere any time. hmm...
what do i want for my birthday? am i even going to have a party? i kinda want like.. a huge huge huge huge one, with like.. a ton of people over here, probs play some ultimate and then man hunt. or i want a wicked little close gathering of just all my close friends. but i cant make up my minddd! im probs just not gonna have one. who to invite? lol i dont have enough friends
i want to go running right now. but its 9:11 at night jk, now its 9:12 and its dark and i wanna sleep.
if im going tobe runnig in the morning i need to go to bed.
after i do my chem homework. ok, thats my plan for tonight.
goonight all,
<3 rachel
9.16.2005
so i whisper in the dark hoping you'll hear me
i give this song more meaning than i think it was meant to have. capitalize the y and you'll see what i mean. i need to be reading my bible. every day. multiple times a day. i owe it to him.
i'm not quite sure who or what i am right now. well TECHNICALLY i'm a soon-to-be sixteen year old girl in high school but i dont feel like it. i feel like i should be excited that i'm going to being having my 16th birthday in about a week. i feel like i should feel like this is a cornerstone. i mean, it IS, but its not hitting me. therefore i have no party planned. i have no idea what i want for a present from my mom which shes having a hard time accepting, reming me "there must be SOMETHING."
i think im just overly stressed and have just, subconsciously, shut off my feelings temporarily. it could be that maybe i really am excited but i'm not letting myself think that because i think there are things more important than a birthday. such as school and homework and dance and family and friends. are they more important? i think quite possibly, i mean, will this birthday effect each of those things? my family? yes. my moms already prepped up for crying on the day and at the exact time, i know this beacuse everyday for the past week shes been noticing how much i've "grown up." this makes me want to know what a birthday is symbolic of? your 16th. 18th birthday- you can vote. 21- you can drink. 10- ooo double digits. 50- gettin over the hill. but 16 doesnt really have all that much goin for it as far as i've heard.
i want to feel overly excited. i want to have a party. but i just cant even begin thinking about planning it. i dont know what we'd do, who i'd invite. possibly somethign majorrrly small with like.. only my close close close friends, or just go all out and invite everyone? sweet sixteen.. i want to remember it if its supposibly so important. i knwo i'm going ot regret not having a party. so i should have one right? will someone be willing to plan my birthday party for me? this is why i think stress is getting in the way of a lot of things lately. this should be more important than school, but it's not, to me. i'd like it to be. and as much as i've been telling myself to get to work, nothings happened. maybe its laziness thats holding me back. but i'm not sure.
i know, i dont want ot start thinking. because i know that if i start thinking i wont be able to stop and i'll just be overflowing and when theres too many things flying back and forth its hard to just pick one. or two. or rule out any. i think better in my head, not on paper, so writing all my ideas out wont work. i sorta feel like when i write them out, i dont do them justice, because when i'm thinking of them, theres so many things that go along with the idea.
i hope you know what i mean.
so, my problem is: whats my problem.
and then: how do i solve it?
rach.
i'm not quite sure who or what i am right now. well TECHNICALLY i'm a soon-to-be sixteen year old girl in high school but i dont feel like it. i feel like i should be excited that i'm going to being having my 16th birthday in about a week. i feel like i should feel like this is a cornerstone. i mean, it IS, but its not hitting me. therefore i have no party planned. i have no idea what i want for a present from my mom which shes having a hard time accepting, reming me "there must be SOMETHING."
i think im just overly stressed and have just, subconsciously, shut off my feelings temporarily. it could be that maybe i really am excited but i'm not letting myself think that because i think there are things more important than a birthday. such as school and homework and dance and family and friends. are they more important? i think quite possibly, i mean, will this birthday effect each of those things? my family? yes. my moms already prepped up for crying on the day and at the exact time, i know this beacuse everyday for the past week shes been noticing how much i've "grown up." this makes me want to know what a birthday is symbolic of? your 16th. 18th birthday- you can vote. 21- you can drink. 10- ooo double digits. 50- gettin over the hill. but 16 doesnt really have all that much goin for it as far as i've heard.
i want to feel overly excited. i want to have a party. but i just cant even begin thinking about planning it. i dont know what we'd do, who i'd invite. possibly somethign majorrrly small with like.. only my close close close friends, or just go all out and invite everyone? sweet sixteen.. i want to remember it if its supposibly so important. i knwo i'm going ot regret not having a party. so i should have one right? will someone be willing to plan my birthday party for me? this is why i think stress is getting in the way of a lot of things lately. this should be more important than school, but it's not, to me. i'd like it to be. and as much as i've been telling myself to get to work, nothings happened. maybe its laziness thats holding me back. but i'm not sure.
i know, i dont want ot start thinking. because i know that if i start thinking i wont be able to stop and i'll just be overflowing and when theres too many things flying back and forth its hard to just pick one. or two. or rule out any. i think better in my head, not on paper, so writing all my ideas out wont work. i sorta feel like when i write them out, i dont do them justice, because when i'm thinking of them, theres so many things that go along with the idea.
i hope you know what i mean.
so, my problem is: whats my problem.
and then: how do i solve it?
rach.
9.13.2005
desperate for changing
starving for truth
i'm closer to where i started
chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all ive held on too
i'm standing here untill you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
im running and i question where to go
i dont knwo what im tapping in to
im hanging by a moment here with you
theres nothing else to lose
theres nothing else to find
theres nothing in the world that could change my mind
:D me gusta. i miss spanish. i really really really really wish i had it both semesters. bummer.
but noo i have chemestry, english and math. hmm, not quite cuttin it.
so we had a ridiculus amount of english home work today. we're reading the play "twelve angry men" and i absolutley love it. i'm honestly really gettin in to it. i'm man number three cuz we're acting it out in class. haha i'm the asshole. oh well. i like getting to yell at everyone, i say "dont even start with me" and "shut up" to jack rose, yesssah. its so much fun.
so this past weekend i had to the time of my life. or, rather, one of them. tina came over at about 1 on saturday, and we watched that "while you were out show" to be dorks, even though i secretly really enjoyed it. and then be decided to join us at 4, an hour after she said she would be here. oh well. and then we went up to my room and talked for quite a while and sorted out the basics and then planned to leave to go to cumbys to get junk food in "five minutes" well in those next "five minutes" be and i looked at deerwander pictures, sharing every single experience and detail of teh trip with tina, who was wicked annoyed but oh well. and then we maganed to sneak in looking at my eight grade trip scrapbook and reliving that experience was a complete blast cuz there were just so so so many things to talk about. it was one of those pee-my-pants moments talking about the day at the amusement park. so after tina commented on our severe ADD, we left about 30 minutes after we planned. but still,, thats "five minutes" for be and i. on the walk to cumbys we had a nice little adventure collecting weeds and throwing the piles at eachother. this would be repeated on the way back, because we were just THAT cool. when we got there be asked if this was where i had trippe and dropped all my change that day, making me late for school and i, of course, patiently and collected said "no" and pointed out where that spot was, reminding her i wasn't THAT late for school, and i tripped over a rug, not over my own feet. we ended up buying: 2 bags of m&ms, a package of cookies, oreos, marshmellows, some milk, and sweedish fish. 13 dollores worth of candy. yum yum. on our way back, by the time we had gotten to my house, actually, which was about a mile away, we had thrown numerous weeds at eachother and eaten a bag of m&ms. when we walked in the door we immediatly got down to buisness baking a cake. a yellow actually. so i handed out aprons, tina an ipswich one, be dove for the grilling one and i had a rainbow striped one. tres cool. be and i did the eggs, tina did the water and oil, and be did the pouring the powder stuff in part and i preheated the oven. then we put it in. then be asked if i had greased the pan. oops. hey, she didnt remind me before we had already put the stuff int he pan, oh welll. and then, for a final, personal touch, we poured in the second bag of m&ms haha. while it was baking we ate the whole bag of cookies, which actually, tina mainly ate haha. then the cake was done and we had a piece each. MAN WAS THAT DELISH. after we finished we sat at the table for a while and tlaked about ghosts and creepy conversational stuff like that. may i also mention tina and i are completely beside ourselves with fear when it comes to these things. so then we migrated upstairs and i dono WHAT we did for a while. just talked i suppose, but then we put on white oleander. have you ever seen white oleander? what a fantastic movie. just jaw dropping. so after 2 cries, a bag of sweedinsh fish, and "shhhh"-ing tina half a dozen times it ended, unfortunately and we moved on with our lives. then we talked for quite the while. then we played the "mad max magazine game" one of my personal faves. ever heard of that one? or played it, possibly? what a game. so yeah.. we never ended up finishing it. note to self: never hide money under board- result: getting all the rest of the money thrown at you. just a heads up. after that game ended we were all ridiculuously out-of-it. i dont even knwo what we did. talked, talked online to kristy about how she should not be thinking about what she's thinking about doing. ahem. and then we put that away, and layed down on my floor and talked. then, simutaniously we had a silent resolution to just stop talking cuz we were that tierd. so as we're drifting off to sleep, what do we hear but a lovely silent shattering BA DA DA DUM BA DA BA DUM BA DA DA BA DA DUM techno cell fone ring, and be mumbling "what the heeeck?" who was on the other end of that fone but mike. mike who was bored and had nothing better to do mike. THEN we finally went to sleep. in the morn tina left early to go home, and be and i, wrapped up in each our own down white comforters, like cocoons, practiced running and throwing ourselves onto the airmattress-on-the-futon bed downstairs which was there for no reason, and actually did quite well. occasionally she'd fall off and i'd get stuck in the crack between the wall and the bed, but for the most part it was quitte relaxing. we just layed there and talked about random things and then my mom was like "its 9:13 ya know" and we scrambled around getting changed, packing up, brushing our teeth and everything because be's mom was coming at 9:20 to bring both of us to sunday school. we made it on time- it's alllll good. then i had a bagel, actually, half a bagel cuz be really wanted a cinnamon raisin and i let her have half of mine. :D and so then sunday school began and thank goodness it was with john who makes it interesting. and then when that ended a bunch of u stayed up in that room just chillin. i was playing around with elliots ipod which was waaaay confusing and i kept pressing the wrong buttons so then i just threw it back to him cuz its not like i could do anyhting with it anyway haha, plus he was listening to the music. and be and ryan were on the other couch and i snagged some of be's gum which is basically addicting. then church began and we all made our way downstairs. i had to leave early for church though. is that a sin? i needed to ge tto my dance place at 12, so i left church at about 15 of and went straight there, waited for 2 hours and then FINALLY got my pointe shoes. (first ones ever: im pumped out of my mind) i did get to see lauren in the parking lot though. and her mom kept asking my opinion on what was good to buy! hah it was pretty funnay. and i feel so bad cuz i made my dad sit in the car for an hour it toko so long. i feel completely awful! but after he picked me up we went to BK (not taco bell.. i know... but i hadnt been there in a while and he let me chose!) and i got a delish cheeseburger. a nice fattening greasy burger with crispy fries. and then we went back to his house and i did my math hw while watching the red sox game which, for some reason, i was totally pumped for. and then, out of the blue, BRETT SHOWED UP! my cousin brett whom i hadn;t seen in forever, honestly, and who had, or so it seemed, completely left our family. but hes back now. and it was somethign jsut so incredible and so awesome that i've been praying for for wuite a while. and it actually happened! i cant express in word my gratitude, how thankful i am. and then we had a lovely dinner, and some cheesecake for dessert and i've decided that i'm going to the cheesecake factory at teh burlington mall for my birthday!! no kidding my whole fams going. yessahh. it was either that or massiminos which is a little resturaunt in boston, and i def chose cheesecake. my auntie made some jewelery for me! earrings and a necklace. i loove them. she made them out of rocks and wire. little rock bead things. very coool. then on the way home, my dad and i listend to "THE TURTLES" whom i've come to adore, he gave me their cd lol saweeet. but yes, do listen to them for some oldies but goodies. i know you know their songs...
and that was my weekend!
im wicked pumped for this football game on friday. i love football games. wooo. i think i'm selling bracelets or something though. i hope i dont have to do it for the whole game. because though i'd be getting money for my class... i'd be missing the game. but anyway, i'm going to go to all the home games just as i did last year. rain or shine. be wont be there though! and thats practically a tradition. :0 stupid work.
will i see you there? please please come. i forget how much it is to get in. whatev.
ok well i have a crap load of homework tonight and i should probs get it done so i can watch white oleander again. :D
yours, rachel
i'm closer to where i started
chasing after you
i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all ive held on too
i'm standing here untill you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
i'm living for the only thing i know
im running and i question where to go
i dont knwo what im tapping in to
im hanging by a moment here with you
theres nothing else to lose
theres nothing else to find
theres nothing in the world that could change my mind
:D me gusta. i miss spanish. i really really really really wish i had it both semesters. bummer.
but noo i have chemestry, english and math. hmm, not quite cuttin it.
so we had a ridiculus amount of english home work today. we're reading the play "twelve angry men" and i absolutley love it. i'm honestly really gettin in to it. i'm man number three cuz we're acting it out in class. haha i'm the asshole. oh well. i like getting to yell at everyone, i say "dont even start with me" and "shut up" to jack rose, yesssah. its so much fun.
so this past weekend i had to the time of my life. or, rather, one of them. tina came over at about 1 on saturday, and we watched that "while you were out show" to be dorks, even though i secretly really enjoyed it. and then be decided to join us at 4, an hour after she said she would be here. oh well. and then we went up to my room and talked for quite a while and sorted out the basics and then planned to leave to go to cumbys to get junk food in "five minutes" well in those next "five minutes" be and i looked at deerwander pictures, sharing every single experience and detail of teh trip with tina, who was wicked annoyed but oh well. and then we maganed to sneak in looking at my eight grade trip scrapbook and reliving that experience was a complete blast cuz there were just so so so many things to talk about. it was one of those pee-my-pants moments talking about the day at the amusement park. so after tina commented on our severe ADD, we left about 30 minutes after we planned. but still,, thats "five minutes" for be and i. on the walk to cumbys we had a nice little adventure collecting weeds and throwing the piles at eachother. this would be repeated on the way back, because we were just THAT cool. when we got there be asked if this was where i had trippe and dropped all my change that day, making me late for school and i, of course, patiently and collected said "no" and pointed out where that spot was, reminding her i wasn't THAT late for school, and i tripped over a rug, not over my own feet. we ended up buying: 2 bags of m&ms, a package of cookies, oreos, marshmellows, some milk, and sweedish fish. 13 dollores worth of candy. yum yum. on our way back, by the time we had gotten to my house, actually, which was about a mile away, we had thrown numerous weeds at eachother and eaten a bag of m&ms. when we walked in the door we immediatly got down to buisness baking a cake. a yellow actually. so i handed out aprons, tina an ipswich one, be dove for the grilling one and i had a rainbow striped one. tres cool. be and i did the eggs, tina did the water and oil, and be did the pouring the powder stuff in part and i preheated the oven. then we put it in. then be asked if i had greased the pan. oops. hey, she didnt remind me before we had already put the stuff int he pan, oh welll. and then, for a final, personal touch, we poured in the second bag of m&ms haha. while it was baking we ate the whole bag of cookies, which actually, tina mainly ate haha. then the cake was done and we had a piece each. MAN WAS THAT DELISH. after we finished we sat at the table for a while and tlaked about ghosts and creepy conversational stuff like that. may i also mention tina and i are completely beside ourselves with fear when it comes to these things. so then we migrated upstairs and i dono WHAT we did for a while. just talked i suppose, but then we put on white oleander. have you ever seen white oleander? what a fantastic movie. just jaw dropping. so after 2 cries, a bag of sweedinsh fish, and "shhhh"-ing tina half a dozen times it ended, unfortunately and we moved on with our lives. then we talked for quite the while. then we played the "mad max magazine game" one of my personal faves. ever heard of that one? or played it, possibly? what a game. so yeah.. we never ended up finishing it. note to self: never hide money under board- result: getting all the rest of the money thrown at you. just a heads up. after that game ended we were all ridiculuously out-of-it. i dont even knwo what we did. talked, talked online to kristy about how she should not be thinking about what she's thinking about doing. ahem. and then we put that away, and layed down on my floor and talked. then, simutaniously we had a silent resolution to just stop talking cuz we were that tierd. so as we're drifting off to sleep, what do we hear but a lovely silent shattering BA DA DA DUM BA DA BA DUM BA DA DA BA DA DUM techno cell fone ring, and be mumbling "what the heeeck?" who was on the other end of that fone but mike. mike who was bored and had nothing better to do mike. THEN we finally went to sleep. in the morn tina left early to go home, and be and i, wrapped up in each our own down white comforters, like cocoons, practiced running and throwing ourselves onto the airmattress-on-the-futon bed downstairs which was there for no reason, and actually did quite well. occasionally she'd fall off and i'd get stuck in the crack between the wall and the bed, but for the most part it was quitte relaxing. we just layed there and talked about random things and then my mom was like "its 9:13 ya know" and we scrambled around getting changed, packing up, brushing our teeth and everything because be's mom was coming at 9:20 to bring both of us to sunday school. we made it on time- it's alllll good. then i had a bagel, actually, half a bagel cuz be really wanted a cinnamon raisin and i let her have half of mine. :D and so then sunday school began and thank goodness it was with john who makes it interesting. and then when that ended a bunch of u stayed up in that room just chillin. i was playing around with elliots ipod which was waaaay confusing and i kept pressing the wrong buttons so then i just threw it back to him cuz its not like i could do anyhting with it anyway haha, plus he was listening to the music. and be and ryan were on the other couch and i snagged some of be's gum which is basically addicting. then church began and we all made our way downstairs. i had to leave early for church though. is that a sin? i needed to ge tto my dance place at 12, so i left church at about 15 of and went straight there, waited for 2 hours and then FINALLY got my pointe shoes. (first ones ever: im pumped out of my mind) i did get to see lauren in the parking lot though. and her mom kept asking my opinion on what was good to buy! hah it was pretty funnay. and i feel so bad cuz i made my dad sit in the car for an hour it toko so long. i feel completely awful! but after he picked me up we went to BK (not taco bell.. i know... but i hadnt been there in a while and he let me chose!) and i got a delish cheeseburger. a nice fattening greasy burger with crispy fries. and then we went back to his house and i did my math hw while watching the red sox game which, for some reason, i was totally pumped for. and then, out of the blue, BRETT SHOWED UP! my cousin brett whom i hadn;t seen in forever, honestly, and who had, or so it seemed, completely left our family. but hes back now. and it was somethign jsut so incredible and so awesome that i've been praying for for wuite a while. and it actually happened! i cant express in word my gratitude, how thankful i am. and then we had a lovely dinner, and some cheesecake for dessert and i've decided that i'm going to the cheesecake factory at teh burlington mall for my birthday!! no kidding my whole fams going. yessahh. it was either that or massiminos which is a little resturaunt in boston, and i def chose cheesecake. my auntie made some jewelery for me! earrings and a necklace. i loove them. she made them out of rocks and wire. little rock bead things. very coool. then on the way home, my dad and i listend to "THE TURTLES" whom i've come to adore, he gave me their cd lol saweeet. but yes, do listen to them for some oldies but goodies. i know you know their songs...
and that was my weekend!
im wicked pumped for this football game on friday. i love football games. wooo. i think i'm selling bracelets or something though. i hope i dont have to do it for the whole game. because though i'd be getting money for my class... i'd be missing the game. but anyway, i'm going to go to all the home games just as i did last year. rain or shine. be wont be there though! and thats practically a tradition. :0 stupid work.
will i see you there? please please come. i forget how much it is to get in. whatev.
ok well i have a crap load of homework tonight and i should probs get it done so i can watch white oleander again. :D
yours, rachel
9.08.2005
so take photographs
and still prints
in your mind
and put them on a shelf
of good health
and good time
so i just read that previous entry only to realize how strange it was. wow. i sorta feel like a dork the way i expressed things. oh well.
today is thursday. the third day of school.
so, schools actually not that bad, i like my teachers, for the most part, even if benedetto explains every little detail. chorus is going to be, eh alright, this year. the way we learn the songs doesnt work for me at all. i need music, i cant just listen to it three times and have it memorized. at least i sit next to people who know it.
so i've decided theres no way im ever going ot be able to ride the bus home because i just cant get to my locker and out to the buses in time, and i refuse to be one of those people running after the bus to catch it. no way. i only did that once. haha.
dance calss starts next week and completely beside myself with excitment. on sunday i go in to get fitted for my toe shoes (for pointe) and thats when it'll hit me. i'm so happy. i'm so so so happy. so for future notice, i'm busy tuesdays and thursdays till late into the evening! :D
ok, well i have to go do my english homework! i forgot how much i disliked grammar.
;-P laterrrrrrr rach
in your mind
and put them on a shelf
of good health
and good time
so i just read that previous entry only to realize how strange it was. wow. i sorta feel like a dork the way i expressed things. oh well.
today is thursday. the third day of school.
so, schools actually not that bad, i like my teachers, for the most part, even if benedetto explains every little detail. chorus is going to be, eh alright, this year. the way we learn the songs doesnt work for me at all. i need music, i cant just listen to it three times and have it memorized. at least i sit next to people who know it.
so i've decided theres no way im ever going ot be able to ride the bus home because i just cant get to my locker and out to the buses in time, and i refuse to be one of those people running after the bus to catch it. no way. i only did that once. haha.
dance calss starts next week and completely beside myself with excitment. on sunday i go in to get fitted for my toe shoes (for pointe) and thats when it'll hit me. i'm so happy. i'm so so so happy. so for future notice, i'm busy tuesdays and thursdays till late into the evening! :D
ok, well i have to go do my english homework! i forgot how much i disliked grammar.
;-P laterrrrrrr rach
9.03.2005
and i've
never been
s o a l i v e .
i feel so new. so refreshed. so rejuvinated. i feel like a new person. i feel so content. so happy. so free. so at ease. i feel loved. i feel safe. i feel appreciated. i'm fulfilled. i'm completely peaceful. i'm excited. i'm eager for the future. i'm thirsty. i understand. i know. i'm Yours.
and i always will be.
time to p r a y
[know jesus know peace. no jesus no peace.]
s o a l i v e .
i feel so new. so refreshed. so rejuvinated. i feel like a new person. i feel so content. so happy. so free. so at ease. i feel loved. i feel safe. i feel appreciated. i'm fulfilled. i'm completely peaceful. i'm excited. i'm eager for the future. i'm thirsty. i understand. i know. i'm Yours.
and i always will be.
time to p r a y
[know jesus know peace. no jesus no peace.]
