You're my sweet charade

what do i dooo
where do i go?
what do i turn to?
exactly?

i dont want to talk
but im about to explode
and im pissed off ALL the fucking time
aughing doesnt help
i cant pretend anymore, im sorry
i hate you
i dont love you
you drag me down
strip me down to nothing
and i HATE that feeling
it cuts me to the core
youre jokes arent funny
and im going to start tearing you down any minute now
you disrespect me
i do things, you laugh
you mimick and make fun
thanks a fucking lot
yet i laugh, i dont know why
because i can laugh at myself
because it lightens the mood
because you laugh
and i couldnt stand telling you off
not anymore. thats done. its over.
if im not happy, im not happy
and im sorry if that puts a damper on your day.
but what to do i do?
i am not holding a grudge
but i am not remaining idle and sitting back
i cant watch this, i cant be a part of this.
i sacrfice SO much for you
i give in SO much for your satisfaction
i cant do that anymore
please respect me and dont force me to comply
i hate it yet i dont say anything
i never, ever want to dissapoint.
its getting in the way now
im losing myself because i fear dissapointing you.
where do i draw the line between sacrificing for others and remaining alright?
i believe in living for others, devoting your life to the bettering of other people
but does that leave room for myself?
no, not at all. i dont deserve that.
i dont deserve me time- that is not my duty
i am CALLED to sacrifice my entire life so that another may live
that is the example i have been given,
and so i shall live in such a way.

i cant even talk anymore
i just dont know what to say
i dont know what you WANT from me
i dont know what to give if i dont know what will satisfy
i am afraid to speak
i cant dissapoint you, i could never
i cant be serious
you're not serious
so i entertain
i reach you the only way i know how
i am sacrificing myself as i do this.

sacrifice so as to never dissapoint.
this is my calling.
and so it so.