You're my sweet charade

why am i listening to the flaming lips?
because i want to feel something?
because i DONT want to feel something?
i donno...

its nice though. i like it. i like music.

some people get high just to feel things
isnt that funny?
because they want to reach
some higher level of consciousness
funny huh?

i dono, i mean, for me...
to be fully conscious is to be fully aware
REAL consciousness is to be alive and awake and free
yet, be yourself.

not to say that when you smoke you turn into a whole new person
have a whole new identity, nothing like that
i just wouldnt want anything to.. cloud my thoughts.. which is what i associate with smoking
i feel like it would BLOCK things out, as opposed to introduce new things

aaand plus, everytime you want to feel that, you need to smoke
which, if you think about it, is kind of abnoxious, dont you think?
like...
you think to yourself, or say to one of your friends "man, i want to feel GOOD tonight"
well all know what "GOOD" implies ;)
but why not get used to feeling good.. now?
i mean.. theres no point in becoming dependant on something you dont have in order to make you happy?

just a personal opinion.

i can have the time of my life just.. living.
i dont need anything else to make me feel more "alive."

which, i think is a good thing :)




ok... another thing has been on my mind recently
and, im going to swear. just to warn you.
VERY few things make me swear...

but why the fuck cant we all just get ALONG?

we're living the same lives side by side and go through many of the same things and could potentially be in the same positions as anybody else... doesnt that mean anything?
i feel like everybodys gotten to be WAY too picky for their own good. i mean we would all be a heck of a lot better of if we felt like we could depend on anybody for anything- and we SHOULD be able to depend on anybody for anything

i think we owe it together. we owe it to ourselves.

im just so fucking tired of feeling like i have to choose all the time. what if i just want to hang out with somebody just.. because? we should be able to do that. it doesnt mean anything other than "hey, i think youre cool" or.. whatever. ahh, and, now im afraid to even say "cool" because i know im like.. setting somebody apart.

and i dont mean to do that
AT ALL

but seriously.. whats with all the hate and crap like that?

not to say that everybodys shallow and judgemental
im not making any accusations
or placing any blame

but for crying out loud cant we all just get along?

im sick of all the cliquiness

its come to the point where i will deliberately avoid putting myself in a situation where id need to choose who to ahng out with
i want to hang out with everybody! theres nothing wrong with that, its not wrong at all
SO STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE IT IS

maybe im just blowing things up in my head, maybe im making things a much bigger deal than they actually are. but know a lot of you have seen what i mean.

i just want everybody to be happy.