You're my sweet charade

ive learned too, that i dont really know very much about anything. i mean, i used to have all these theories about life. i thought i had everybody figured out. even god. but i dont. i feel, at times, like a droplet of water in a raging river. i am that insignificant. and yet the chemicals in my brain that make me feel beauty when i look up at the stars, when i watch the sunset, indicate i must be here for a reason. i think i would sum it up this way: life is not a story about me, but it is being told to me, and i can be glad of that. i think that is the WHY of life and, in fact, the WHY of this ancient faith i am caught up in: to enjoy God. the sars were created to dazzle us, like a love letter: light itself is like a metaphor, something that exists outside of time, made up of what seems like nothing, infinite in its power, something that can be experienced but not understood, like God. relationships between between men and women inddicate somethign of the nature of God- that he is rational, that he feels love and loss. its all a metaphor, and the story is about us: its about us who GOd made, and GOd Himself, just enjoying eachother. it strikes me how far the commercials are from this reality, how deadly they are, perhaps. months ago i would ahve told you life is about jumping through religious hoops, about impressing other people, and my actions would have told you this is done by buying possessions or keeping a good image or going to church. i dont believe that anymore. i think we are supposed to sleep in the meadows and watch the starts that dart across space ands time. i think we are supposed to stand in deserts and marvel at how the sun rises. i think we are suposed to love our friends and introduce people to the story, to the peaceful, calming, WHY of life. i think life IS spirituality.

I promise myself if i ever get frusterated with life again, I will sell it all and move into the woods, find some peopel who arent like me and learn to love them, and so something even harder, let them love me, recieve the love of somebody who doesnt share my faith system, who doesnt agree with me about everything, and i will sleep beneath the stars and whisper THANK YOU to the Creator of the universe, as a way of reaquinting myself to an old friendd, a friend who says you dont have to be smart or goodlooking or religious or anything, you just have to cling to Him, love Him, need Him, listen to His story."