11.15.2004
it's been a long december and theres reason to believe part 1
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...
I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters,
but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...
I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times
I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
thats my daddy's favortie song. i wonder why... the counting crows are great though. i need one of thier albums
but my favorite part is the italisized part. it really makes you think. cuz.. well.. it's true. we all need to just, live for the moment. really. cuz sooner or later we're going to regret that we didn't take advantage of all the time we had. we're just teenagers right now, we don't have to be worrying about a lot of stuff. sure, maybe a part time job, but thats not too much compared to when your an adult trying to raise a family. dance a few more songs. laugh a little louder. give one more smile.. or two. say thank you, and make sure they hear it. stay out an hour later. breathe a little deeper. say what's on your mind while it counts. give someone you care about meaningful advice. fall in love with someone, and never let it go.
thats another one of my new philosophys. and also, try not to let other people persuede you. please. cuz thats just stupid. what do you think "your opinon" really means? it means WHAT YOU THINK. not what one of your friends thinks. if you don't have an opinion... then say that. its not hard people. think for yourself... for once. thats all i ask.
today was the pasta fest. whup. de. do. that was no fun. just walk around in uncomfortable shoes and give people food. YES. my dad came though. that was pretty cool. hes never come before and this is.. my fourth year doing it? third maybe? who knows. but.. i love my daddy and im glad he came. even though the entire thing was a total waste of my time. i could have been doinghomeowrk or something productive like that. i dont mean to sound disrespectful, i mean, after all i love donating my time, however when other people take over my job for me. thats a slap in the face. honestly people. thats fucking stupid. i was assigned to do a job, and then two other people were assigned to do it with me. thats fine with me. but you dont take my seat, stretch your legs out, hog all of the materials, and start a converstaion with another person complaing how you don't want to do it. i would have gladly done it by myself, you dont have to be such a bitch about it. omfg. so people these days. they wont even tie their own shoes without complaining about all the effort they have to put forth. you dont call your mom to come get you cuz you don't want to help out the group. sure you can complain about it, LATER, when the people aren't around to hear you complain. cuz thats just rude. i was having a blast doing the tickets all by myself. then they come in, take over, and i just.. i walked away. i didn't even want to talk to them about it. i know i shouldn't ahve given up like that, but i hate them anyway. sucks for them that when they have a customer they dont know what the hell they're doing. here comes rachel, back toi save the day. i only did that cuz it was my family. what ever. go die or something. i mean.. theres no point in even showing up. ahh sorry i didnt mean that. don't die. just.. grow up. i dont know what came over me when i said that. i don't like death.
ahh that just. it makes me so mad. i cant stand those fucking popular kind of people. they think they're the best and they can get out of doing the work. what the hell? who came up with all this? where did they get that from.. their parents? i don't know. and theres not even a point in expl,aining it to them, cu they'll jsut blow you off cuz they think that they're better than you, and have better things to do than listen to you trying to teach them something important. they better not get any credit for that. retards. when they step out into the real world. boy are they gonna be suprised. you can't not do anything at work and still get paid. it doesn't work that way honey. sucks ass for you. grow up. become mature.
some things.. ya know.. they just.. piss you off so bad and ruin your day.
i thought i was going to the movies today, but i guess not. my dad didn't want to go and see ladder 49. i reallyy wanna see itl though im gonna cry my brains out. oh shoot.. what brains? i stil wanna see it though. eventually. even if i do have to wait till it comes out on video. maybe by then i'll have some brain i can cry out.
look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
give me back my point view
cuz i just cant think for you.
i can hardly hear you say
"what should i do?"
well, you choose.
>Thank You JET for putting that into words for me.. no wait, lyrics.
wow i just noticed for the past like.. 2 weeks, i've been awful mad. just about.. random things. nothing in particular. i need a vacation. i have to.. to go to a spa or something.. for like a week. or just spend some time alone. but then again i really don't like being alone for a long time. i get all disoriented and confused. maybe for like.. a day that'd be cool.
oh yeah i was talking to my love viky, and she sent me the saddest story. its a poem actually.. i think. cuz it like.. rymes and all. its about.. naughty highschoolers. stupid ones. who like to do stupid stuff. here ya go.. i think you all should read it.
it's actually really important to me for you to read it. cuz.. its so close to home. things like this happen all the time:
Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Dan was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smok and Dan took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Dan was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Dan started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.)
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Dan away
"Please take me home, I don't want to stay."
Dan cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast
As Dan drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Dan was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Dan was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
I only wanted to have just one night of fun.
Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim
And wish I could return their families to them.
Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
kristina, i know i told you you should have never told me that story. but .. im glad that i know now cuz i can share it with every one else and make them aware of how much they can screw up thiers, and everyone elses lives. i hope i never ever know anyone that has to ever go through that. i wish i had never heard of it. and that it asnt a problem. but there are so really fucking stupid people in this world, however, none of them deserve to die, they just deserve a second chance. but we cant give them that can we. no, we cant, cuz wether to let people live or die is out of our control. sure doctors can PERSUEDE, but if they were only meant to have on shot, and they blew it then thats that and im sorry. and this is why you nee to live like its your last day. live like theres no tomorrow. dont drink. or smoke. cuz thats just asking for it.its just like "here death, come take me now." your all smarter than that. or at least i think, and hope so. if i ever found out that any of my friends were doin that. man oh man.. Boy would they be in for a TREAT. you hear me? you hear me out there? can you hear my plead?
yes, i do love you.
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...
I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters,
but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...
I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times
I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
thats my daddy's favortie song. i wonder why... the counting crows are great though. i need one of thier albums
but my favorite part is the italisized part. it really makes you think. cuz.. well.. it's true. we all need to just, live for the moment. really. cuz sooner or later we're going to regret that we didn't take advantage of all the time we had. we're just teenagers right now, we don't have to be worrying about a lot of stuff. sure, maybe a part time job, but thats not too much compared to when your an adult trying to raise a family. dance a few more songs. laugh a little louder. give one more smile.. or two. say thank you, and make sure they hear it. stay out an hour later. breathe a little deeper. say what's on your mind while it counts. give someone you care about meaningful advice. fall in love with someone, and never let it go.
thats another one of my new philosophys. and also, try not to let other people persuede you. please. cuz thats just stupid. what do you think "your opinon" really means? it means WHAT YOU THINK. not what one of your friends thinks. if you don't have an opinion... then say that. its not hard people. think for yourself... for once. thats all i ask.
today was the pasta fest. whup. de. do. that was no fun. just walk around in uncomfortable shoes and give people food. YES. my dad came though. that was pretty cool. hes never come before and this is.. my fourth year doing it? third maybe? who knows. but.. i love my daddy and im glad he came. even though the entire thing was a total waste of my time. i could have been doinghomeowrk or something productive like that. i dont mean to sound disrespectful, i mean, after all i love donating my time, however when other people take over my job for me. thats a slap in the face. honestly people. thats fucking stupid. i was assigned to do a job, and then two other people were assigned to do it with me. thats fine with me. but you dont take my seat, stretch your legs out, hog all of the materials, and start a converstaion with another person complaing how you don't want to do it. i would have gladly done it by myself, you dont have to be such a bitch about it. omfg. so people these days. they wont even tie their own shoes without complaining about all the effort they have to put forth. you dont call your mom to come get you cuz you don't want to help out the group. sure you can complain about it, LATER, when the people aren't around to hear you complain. cuz thats just rude. i was having a blast doing the tickets all by myself. then they come in, take over, and i just.. i walked away. i didn't even want to talk to them about it. i know i shouldn't ahve given up like that, but i hate them anyway. sucks for them that when they have a customer they dont know what the hell they're doing. here comes rachel, back toi save the day. i only did that cuz it was my family. what ever. go die or something. i mean.. theres no point in even showing up. ahh sorry i didnt mean that. don't die. just.. grow up. i dont know what came over me when i said that. i don't like death.
ahh that just. it makes me so mad. i cant stand those fucking popular kind of people. they think they're the best and they can get out of doing the work. what the hell? who came up with all this? where did they get that from.. their parents? i don't know. and theres not even a point in expl,aining it to them, cu they'll jsut blow you off cuz they think that they're better than you, and have better things to do than listen to you trying to teach them something important. they better not get any credit for that. retards. when they step out into the real world. boy are they gonna be suprised. you can't not do anything at work and still get paid. it doesn't work that way honey. sucks ass for you. grow up. become mature.
some things.. ya know.. they just.. piss you off so bad and ruin your day.
i thought i was going to the movies today, but i guess not. my dad didn't want to go and see ladder 49. i reallyy wanna see itl though im gonna cry my brains out. oh shoot.. what brains? i stil wanna see it though. eventually. even if i do have to wait till it comes out on video. maybe by then i'll have some brain i can cry out.
look what you've done
you've made a fool of everyone.
oh, well, it seems like such fun
until you lose what you have won.
give me back my point view
cuz i just cant think for you.
i can hardly hear you say
"what should i do?"
well, you choose.
>Thank You JET for putting that into words for me.. no wait, lyrics.
wow i just noticed for the past like.. 2 weeks, i've been awful mad. just about.. random things. nothing in particular. i need a vacation. i have to.. to go to a spa or something.. for like a week. or just spend some time alone. but then again i really don't like being alone for a long time. i get all disoriented and confused. maybe for like.. a day that'd be cool.
oh yeah i was talking to my love viky, and she sent me the saddest story. its a poem actually.. i think. cuz it like.. rymes and all. its about.. naughty highschoolers. stupid ones. who like to do stupid stuff. here ya go.. i think you all should read it.
it's actually really important to me for you to read it. cuz.. its so close to home. things like this happen all the time:
Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life 'twas on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.
How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon.
There'd be sleep-overs, and parties; she was so happy
It's just the way she wanted her life to be.
On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and even got a date!
She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!"
To be known in this school you had to have clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.
"Well I just won't tell them the entire truth.
They won't know the difference; what's there to lose?"
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, "All right."
Excited, she got ready for the big event
But as she rushed around like she had no sense
She began to feel guilty about all the lies,
But what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?
Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
But the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Dan was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.
Then the room filled with smok and Dan took a puff.
Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Dan was ready to ride to the point
But only after he'd smoked another joint.
They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
Not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
And Dan started trying to make a pass.
A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.)
"Perhaps my parents were right....maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb."
With all of her might, she pushed Dan away
"Please take me home, I don't want to stay."
Dan cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast
As Dan drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
But he just got faster as they neared the town.
"Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride."
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
"Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!"
She doesn't remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
And heard, "call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!
Voices she heard...a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Dan was all right,
And if the people in the other car were alive.
She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
"You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad."
These voices echoed inside her head,
As they gently told her that Dan was dead.
They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do.
But it looks as if we'll lose you too."
"But the people in the other car!?" Jenny cried.
"We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."
Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done
I only wanted to have just one night of fun.
Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim
And wish I could return their families to them.
Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied,
And that it's my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"
The nurse just stood there-she never agreed.
But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes.
And a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best
To bid that girl her one last request?"
She looked at the man with eyes so sad.
"Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."
kristina, i know i told you you should have never told me that story. but .. im glad that i know now cuz i can share it with every one else and make them aware of how much they can screw up thiers, and everyone elses lives. i hope i never ever know anyone that has to ever go through that. i wish i had never heard of it. and that it asnt a problem. but there are so really fucking stupid people in this world, however, none of them deserve to die, they just deserve a second chance. but we cant give them that can we. no, we cant, cuz wether to let people live or die is out of our control. sure doctors can PERSUEDE, but if they were only meant to have on shot, and they blew it then thats that and im sorry. and this is why you nee to live like its your last day. live like theres no tomorrow. dont drink. or smoke. cuz thats just asking for it.its just like "here death, come take me now." your all smarter than that. or at least i think, and hope so. if i ever found out that any of my friends were doin that. man oh man.. Boy would they be in for a TREAT. you hear me? you hear me out there? can you hear my plead?
yes, i do love you.
// posted by RACH @ 7:58 PM 
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jennay!!!! no dont say thats like you!!! i mean sure theres so MAJOR similariteits. but dont you dare ever put yourself in that posistion. your parents are right. dont date. or at least no alone, and dont date anyone like dan ok? you here me?? .. you better hear me.
love you, rach
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love you, rach
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