11.03.2004
Broken glass is like a shattered heart
Broken glass is like all the tiny pieces, ripped apart.
Broken glass isn't just broken glass,
it's painful reminders and bad memories.
Broken glass is like once beautiful roses,
now black, withered, & crushed to dust.
Broken glass is in a million pieces,
representing the millions of tears you've shed.
Broken glass is never a beautiful thing.
Broken glass, can be pieced back together, like a broken heart,
Alas, it will be forever changed.
it's painful reminders and bad memories.
Broken glass is like once beautiful roses,
now black, withered, & crushed to dust.
Broken glass is in a million pieces,
representing the millions of tears you've shed.
Broken glass is never a beautiful thing.
Broken glass, can be pieced back together, like a broken heart,
Alas, it will be forever changed.
so . . tonight did not bring forth any good. be and meark, the role model's... broke up. *tear* i didn't expect it at all... im sorry.. i really am. i hope it all works out, that things will eventually just turn into old memories and everyone will move on. i know where only just freshmen, but still... its tough.
why do people break up anyway?
get tierd of one person?
gain intrest in another?
break down and realize it was all out of guilt?
admit that you cannot be with them due to their actions or the things they say?
are embarressed of them?
... i don't know.
well after a lonnnggggg boring day, i came home to find the news. *frown*
you see... what really tears me apart is that after school, be, tina, bret and meark and i all hang out. everyday. it's THE REASON i go to school. i love all of us haning out together.. just relaxing. i look forward to it after a long day of lectures. i think to myself "its ok, cuz we all go out to the lides.. and just.. do nothing.. " i LIKED doing nothing all afternoon. now, im afriad that we may not do that because both be and meark believe that things will be awkward. heck yes it will be. you cant aviod that. but you guys are still friends! am i right? friends hang out with eachother after school. of course it will be a bit awkward, jsut because you were denied having a close relationship as bf/gf, does NOT mean at ALL that your denied a friendship. I am wonderful friends with both be and maeark and i dont ever want to be in the position where i have to chose between one or the other just because they cant be in the same room with eachother because they think it will be a little awkward. to me, the "awkward" part is if we dont hang out anymore just because they broke up. that does not make any sense at all. i was afraid that it might happen eventually, and then i;d have nothing to look foward to after school. and now here it is. its not that i dont enjoy hanging out with people seperetly. i mean it's great and all too hang out with everybody but meark, (seeing as though hed rather be in the weights room than be in an awkward situation even with all his friends around) i just.. i dont want things to change. im big on that. no change. none. never. ever. never ever any change please. please no change at all. i loove the way things are the same. because change equals stress, and stress equals anxiety, and anxiety equals crankyness, and crankyness can only amount to people becomeing mad at eachother. seriously now. i dont want that. who does? yeah so... i'm stressed out. i need my daily dose of afterschoolrelaxationwiththecrew. we are the slide crew. the slide crew cant just... break up! i dono.. im thinking to much.. maybe.. or maybe im not thinking enough. maybe.. be will just wake up one morning and think "what have i done!?" maybe she'll realize how much fun she had with him, and she'll miss all of that excitment, and want it back. i hope so. please let everything work out. i dono who im asking exactly. not be, not meark, no one in particular. whatever happens just.... like... have it be for the better. pleaseeeee.
on top of that, i don't know where my kayla has gone. i miss her so much. she will probably never ever read this. but i need her to know that i am always thinking of her, and i'll be here no matter what. i can't wait untill i see her again. i have so much to tell her. kayla, i understand. i hope and pray that you are safe and sound, don;t eer feel afraid. people are here... we all love you and care about you. i hope that something happens this time. something will happen, it will be for the better, and if anything ever goes wrong i'll be here. right here. forever. i gave you my number for a reason. i need to know that your ok. my mind is racing trying to think of every possible place you could be, wht your doing, what your feeling, who knows, when will i know... everything. i miss talking with you, laughing with you, just.. passing by you in the hallway. love you forever kayla, don't ever doubt that. i've been here for everything so far, and thats my plan for ever more.
i cannot explain everything, but plesae, if you read this, understand that right now, you should be thinking of her, and her finding safety. please.
i presented a thing in math today... it went well. in pc apps i have to present a powerpoint. thats gonna suck. im alredy sick to my stomache... that may have something to do with the Rum Cake i had for dinner tonight.. i don't know.
i've come to the point in my life, whe i just.. i don't care about myself anymore. i care only of my friends, how they're doing, feeling, what they're thinking, their opinions, problems, everything. i mean.. who am i without my friends? i am no one. nothing. invisible. and then i got to thinking. if someone had no friends.. what would they be like? each person is individual, they all have different pieces in a puzzle. now, they got those pieces from thier friends and family. however, though the pieces are the same, the puzzle is not. everyone's puzzle pieces are arranged differently into their own unique style. constenly the pieces are being taken out and replaced, and the puzzle is being shrunked or expanded. you cannot escape it. even if you try, everything has an affect. wetehr it be something that does not get done, or if it does. so, in other words, everything everyone does affects you. i don't know how to explain it... i feel so confused. am i making any sense? im trying to explain a philosophy i just thought of, i didn't read it in a book, it just sort of came to me, so im sorry if its not making any sense, im just not quite sure how to explain it. and im thinking that if i get around to it, i want to study this philosophy more, but if i do not write down everything i am thinking at this present moment, then i will never be able to continue my research, seeing as though i wont be able to find where i left off. its all a chain reaction you see.. a very very complicated one. with lots of chains and lots of actions. so as i was saying.. puzzle pieces... eery one has them. now when i say puzzle piece i am not tlaking about DNA or anything like that. i am talking about qualites, opinions, thoughts, feelings, all of those things that you cannot find by reserch because there is no pattern. sure people have a right to their own opinion, but their puzzle pieces reflect that opinion. they do things according to how thier thoughs, opinions, and feelings are arranged. its soo hard to explain.. i don't know what the hell im talking about. maybe theres a book about this or seomething that i should read. i'm really into this topic right now.
i'm going to update later and continue my puzzle philosophy. comment please if you have any idea about what im saying, or if you understand it, and if so, if you could help me explain it.. that would be wonderful. it really would. just tell me anything tell me my philosophy sucks, doesnt make any sense, tell me you understand where im coming from, and that im not thinking to much, tell me im retarted and stupid... im telling you to add puzzle pieces to my mind. i m asking you for a copy of your piece that i can keep untill someone else gives me one that will replace it. do you.. sorta get it?
tell me you'll hope for everything to be alright, tell me im not crazy, tell me that i have a purpose. thank you.
i love you all, and i hope that in some way, i have expanded your mind, your way of thinking, i have made you look out side the box, i have made you stand outside the box, and look into where you were.
i wrote in red because it is the color of blood. red is the only color that every human being can relate too. i chose not to write in white, not to write in black, or brown, or tan, or anything else. everyone, has the color red in them. i know this. for a fact. everyone is equal, and similar, and has puzzle pieces.
love you all, so much more than you will ever know. rachel e. miller.
// posted by RACH @ 9:09 PM 
